On December 9, 2013-my sister's 30th birthday-we got a call that my dad's 200 year old log home was on fire and they hadn't been able to locate him. A few hours later they did find him in his kitchen, where his wood stove was. We're pretty certain he was out there trying to put the fire out when he was overcome by the carbon monoxide. They told us a normal level is 0-5 and his was 15. The entire two stories above him had also fallen on him, which is why it took so long to find him. He was 58 years old. I feel so lost. I'm not sure where we are supposed to go from here. I can't believe he's gone. He was the greatest man I've ever known. One of the only fathers I know who truly loved his children and grandchildren unconditionally. He was the first person to go out and help anyone in need of anything. I just can't believe sometimes that God would take a man that good in such a tragic way. I know that it wasn't God's conscious decision, and at this point I'm not angry with God. I'm not sure where I go from here. Or what I'm looking for. I feel like I'm lost in the woods in the dark searching for something but I don't know what it is. I know that closure is something I can't give myself and some people never find it. It makes me think a lot about tragedy and those split second decisions we make that can change everything in an instant. I am grateful for the time and the relationship we did have. Although there is nothing I wouldn't give to talk to him one more time, there was nothing left unsaid between us. We said I love you every time we talked. And he never passed up a chance to tell me how proud he was of my or how much he loved me. I feel like I need to cry but I can't. Sometimes I want to scream but I can't. I've never lost anyone else close to me. I just don't know what to do to move forward, but I know I have to keep moving forward for my kids and my husband. To anyone who reads or responds thank you in advance for any advice or kind words you have JW.
