Hello,
I don't know what to do.
My mum died suddenly last week on 4 February from a brain haemorrhage I came home from work the night before and found her collapsed on the floor. She was rushed to our nearest hospital where a scan showed a serious bleed on the brain. My sister raced over from the other side of the country and a friend came down to be with me til my sister arrived. It was all just horrendous especially as all I could think about was my Dad who had died 11 weeks earlier in the same hospital.
Staff made her as comfortable as possible but she was not responding to anything and we were told to more or less expect the worst.
We decided to go home and said we would be back in the morning. Nurses told her she could probably hear us so we kissed her goodnight and said we would be back at 9am. We weren't and she died at 9.45am.
I feel so guilty we did not go back especially as my sister wondered out loud if she was hanging on for us to get there. This thought is killing me.
I also feel so sad because my mum was my dad's carer and he was a lot of work. When he died in November 2013 I was upset but I was also relieved that my mum was now free of all that and could perhaps start to enjoy having time to herself to do the things she wanted to do.
She had just 11 weeks without him. It just seems so unfair.
I moved back home temporarily to help my mum with my dad and now I am alone in this house with reminders of both of them everywhere. At the same time I don't want to be away from the house.
I can't seem to stop crying and thinking about my Dad and how I didn't mourn him as I should when he died and my Mum. I was much closer to my Mum and her death just seems like a cruel joke right now.
As well as feeling guilty and sad and teary I am scared of what happens now. I can't think about going back to work or sorting out their things.It is taking me so long to get up and dressed and do anything.
I miss her so much.
Thank you for reading this.
