Littlesister001

Yes, I know what you mean. I told a friend I was feeling sad and depressed and she said, "well don't be." I wanted to say, "gee, why didn't I think of that" and then smack her. I know that most people don't know what to say and aren't purposefully being cruel. But when you're hurting, it sure would be nice if someone showed a little more care.

My two brothers are doing fine. My other sister is really sad, but she didn't have the same bond that the two of us had. It was almost as if me and my sister who passed were in our own little world. It's hard to explain but in many ways we unintentionally shut the others out.

I understand how you feel. It's been two years since I lost my sister. She was my best friend, my other self. Since she was the closest in age to me of my other siblings, I never envisioned losing her before the others - or my mom. For the longest time I cried every time I went shopping because it was something we enjoyed doing together. After two years, the pain isn't as raw, but I still yearn for her. Although I try to be grateful for the time we did have together, and the extraordinary relationship we had, I still feel so empty inside. My husband is not much comfort to me. I don't think he will truly understand the magnitude of my loss unless he loses his twin brother or best friend, and I don't wish that on him. My brother-in-law started dating again in January and has found someone he cares about. She will never take the place of my sister, but she is very caring and understanding of the pain he's been through. He was so heartbroken after my sister died that I can't begrudge him entering a new phase in his life. But I feel like I am still left empty.

Cheryl was 5 years older than I am when she passed away on November28, 2013, shortly after her 64th birthday. She died of stage 4 uterine cancer, which was diagnosed in June 2012 through a routine Pap smear. She was my best friend, confidante, and role model. Although we lived 2 1/2 hours away from each other, we talked every day -- often multiple times. I have another sister who is 10 years older and 2 brothers who are 6 and 12 years older. None of them had the same close relationship with my sister that I had, although they all loved her dearly, as does our mother. Cheryl and I often joked that we were each other's other self. I could go on forever explaining how close we were but I thin you get the point. She was married to her high school sweetheart for nearly 44 years. During 2013 I spent a large amount of time helping him care for her and taking her back and forth to doctor appointments, chemo, radiation, etc. I have comfort in knowing that I was there for her and she knew how much I loved her. However, I can't seem to go on without her. There is a huge hole in my heart and I miss her so much it's like a physical pain. Her husband is the same way and we can't talk to each other without crying. My husband doesn't know how to help me and I don't know how to help myself. I cannot fathom life going on without her.