hyacinth

Hello ffigoni, I am sorry to hear that you find yourself in this situation. I am eight months into it and time has done its thing, I am much better than I was two months ago. I still think of my ex every single day, not as much as before, but he crosses my mind multiple times. The hardest part for me was the complete disappearance and total silence. I understood that a relationship was too much to deal with, but him not being able to say a word was the worst part for me. You have to look to yourself now, you will find a new kind of strength. I know that seems impossible to imagine right now. In terms of trusting again, I am slowly starting to date again. It is difficult and I am extremely cautious. I am trying to just get out there and have some fun. And for fear of sounding negative, there is no way to determine how someone will react in terms of stress, grief etc. Every situation is different and I believe it is impossible to know or find out how someone will handle themselves. It is all a gamble, that is why I am taking it slow. Read as much as you can here. This site, and Kay specifically, were my lifesavers.

I certainly will Kay!

Hi there, I wanted to touch base and give you a little update…It has been almost 6 months since this all started, 4 months since we broke up and there has not been any contact between us. I am happy to report though that I am doing much better. The anxiety and severe sadness has subsided, I still think of him everyday, but thankfully the pain has lessened considerably. I know everyone says it… time heals, when I look back at what has happened over these past months I can't imagine having to go through it again! I have learned a great deal and the lessons continue to be revealed to me, although it is still too soon for me to think the lessons were worth having to go through something so difficult, but I am guessing in time that will change. Kay… your support was such a gift, there were some very dark days during this journey, and your words helped more than you could possibly know. I thank you very much.

Hi, I am sorry to hear of your struggles. It is a terrible feeling, my heart goes out to you. I am in the same boat as Topz91… haven't seen my ex since beginning of December when he broke up with me. I have read that grief is a monster and I believe this to be true. It is hard to think straight when you lose a parent, I made terrible decisions after I lost my Dad... I know your heart is broken and that is a dreadful feeling. I don't want to mislead you, but I was hopeful for the first few months after our breakup and that helped me manage, the breakup and the thought of never seeing him again was too much for me to bear at the very beginning, it was all just too overwhelming… take this whole mess as you can handle it, piece by piece, and as time passes if you don't have your desired outcome you will know when it is time to move on. Make sure you get enough sleep. Lack of sleep makes everything worse for me… Exercise has helped me a ton as well. Take good care.

Thanks so much Kay.

Thanks so much Kay, your words are most helpful and they do give me strength! I was worried that Sam might not know how much I care because of our last exchange, but I realize that all my actions in the weeks leading up to our actual break-up should speak volumes about how much I did/do care and if the day ever comes that he considers getting in touch, I hope he will remember my efforts and know that he can always talk to me. It is all out of my hands now. I surrender.

Hello, I just wanted to touch base… I have been really struggling about getting in touch with Sam, I came very close to emailing him yesterday, I had it written and was just about to hit send, but I stopped myself. I wanted to get in touch to rid myself of any last regrets and to let him know that the door is open should he choose to get in touch, but ultimately I think it would be a setback for me and then I would be waiting and waiting for a response and that would not be good for me. I am going to try and stick to this decision so I can keep moving on. I have to believe that if he ever does want to get in touch, he will be able to.

Thanks Kay, I am trying!

It has been just over three months since we broke up. I have no hope for a romantic reunion… those days are gone. It just seems strange to never speak to someone that meant so much and that I shared so much with.

Goodness Kay! I just can't imagine… losses being strung out or not, it is all just too much for one person.

I feel mildly better today… took a sleeping pill so I slept soundly and for a long time. My head feels more clear today and I feel less panicked. I dragged myself to the gym and worked out for over an hour. That certainly helped. Even though my heart is broken, it is getting stronger from all the cardio! I do believe I had an epiphany last night about the accumulation of grief. I think this abandonment has stirred up a bunch of other outstanding grief issues, and well, I guess they have just piled on top of each other. I don't know how you have managed Kay, with all the loss you have experienced.

That is excellent advice, giving it time has worked in the past. Thanks Kay. Good night.

I am also starting to think that my feelings of abandonment in this relationship have brought up some unresolved feelings of grief. New experiences of grief can remind us of previous losses…

I hope my last post didn't sound rude Kay, I was looking for your wisdom… as usual.

How do you know Kay? I don't know why he can't say anything… I really feel like I should try and get the conversation going… I just want him to know that my door is open. Don't they say that men tend to stay away from women they hurt?