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tiffany363

Contributor
  • Posts

    5
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Previous Fields

  • Date of Death
    Feb, 2014
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    Washington

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    camas, wa
  1. I just don't know if this is temporary or normal or what. I don't know if he just needs more time (more than I have gave him). I just feel really lost right now. I'm scared I wont hear back from him for months
  2. Well I'm pretty sure we are broken up. He called me today out of no where saying that the next two weeks he needs times to find out how to 'help himself' and he might not want a relationship with me at the end of those two weeks. He said that he needs to grow in life and he doesn't know if he can do that while being in a relationship but didnt want to break it off now and will tell me in a few weeks. I was upset. I can tell he is not at a good state because his logic was off the walls. I think this is all bull. We had a bad break up a year and a half ago and didnt talk for three months until he found out his mom had cancer and came back to me saying he made a mistake in breaking up with me because he realized im the only one who has ever supported him and understood him, besides his mom (which I sadly was). Ever since then our relationship has been a dream come true and i was always there for him when things were bad with his mom. Now he is saying that he doesnt know if he was ever in our relationship for the right reasons, like I just was a safe haven for his unresolved personal problems... Right before she passed and even a little after he was telling me a lot of how much he loved me, and how thankful he is to have me in his life for support and ect. But now, he said things have sunk in and he is ignoring everyone in is family, friends, doesnt want to talk to anyone and is 'unattracted' to me. These are things I have sadly have heard before when he broke up with me before because he had 'identity issues'. But even though im 'the best person he has ever met in his life' and that 'i make him want to be a better man everyday' he doesnt want to have a relationship with me or at least doesnt think he can. He says he doesnt even remember the past few weeks saying its all a blur and doesnt remember all the nice things he has said to me. Im not too upset-- he always runs away when things get bad in his life and my friends keep telling me how wrong that is... im starting to think theyre right.
  3. Kayc if you don't mind me asking, what is your story? Another thing I am struggling with is searching for positive stories on the internet. On the internet and on here, I only hear of bad endings. I would like to hear about people who have been in this situation and HAVE gone through it and survived as a couple. I have also found from doing my research that most people who have lost a partner due to a death where a lot older, in there 30's-50's. I'm not really sure why that is but maybe because if you have a BF/GF at that age and lose a parent.. the grief might hit you harder because you are at that point in your life where you should have a spouse, a good career, a family.. aka a support system... your life set up. So people who run from relationships from grief might be in a middle of a mid life crisis. I dont know though, just my observation.
  4. Thank you both for your insight. It is greatly appreciated. My boyfriend has always had a bad relationship with his dad and older brother (who are best friends) and was closer to his mom. Now that his mom has passed, the brother is in the process of moving out and it will just be my boyfriend and his dad at the house. Talk about a huge change. My boyfriend has just been very monotone with my and dry. He still asks me to hang out once a week and always wants to hold my hand or get a hug, but nothing more. I'm trying to figure out what stage he is in. I think he is passed the numbness stage/shock stage, recently he has hung out with his best guy friend (first time hanging out with a friend since the death). Which I saw as a positive sign. About a week ago he spoke of how he is becoming more religious and knows he needs to accept what has happened. But then he has his bad days and goes MIA. What stage do you think he is at?
  5. We are both 21 years olds, in college and are pretty serious. Just a little history, a year and a half ago my boyfriend broke up with me for ludicrous reasons. We didn't speak for three months until he found out his mom had cancer and came back to me realizing that I was the only one who supported him. He apologized for all of our flaws and his mistake and wanted to get back together, being the real deal. For the art year and a half our relationship has been what I have dreamed of. Never fighting and has been an extremely mature relationship. My boyfriend of three years mom died of cancer a month ago. My boyfriend had seemed to be handling it ok but I knew after the funeral it would really set in. All he can say to me is how confused and lost he is right now and just wants to spend time by himself. I respect his need to have space and have been really good at giving him that. I have been a good listener and letting him come to me when he wants to. It's hard not to take his actions personal. I have never been in his situation before and im always scared that he wants to break up. We went with seeing each other once a week and talking every few days when he contacted me. Last week he started questioning everything from our relationship to his career path. Saying that sometimes he feels from society he is too young to be in a serious relationship but doesn't agree with that (makes no sense). He brought up our relationship and i had suggested us to take a break due to him saying it was stressing him out ( he always feels like I get hurt when he can't give me attention when i ALWAYS tell him I'm totally fine) and he definitely freaked out saying "I mean a lot to him", "couldn't imagine if something happened to me", and that he "doesn't want to go through another break up with me". This was very reassuring. He said he feels really numb about everything and was alarmed because he doesn't feel affectionate towards me right now and when I tell him I love him it makes him feel really uncomfortable, he says he feels pain when I say that. I told him that feeling like this is very normal because you're grieving and I'm one of the closest people to you and that this feeling is not forever. And that it's normal to start doubting everything in your life, because you're grieving... but this is just a temporary feeling. Is it normal for one to feel like this to their bf/gf? I'm trying really hard to help him :/ He is now really despressed and says he is using self help books to help him get through problems he has always had with his dad and older brother (who he lives with and does NOT get along with). The past few days he says he didn't want to talk or see anyone because he didn't care. Any words of advice? and I don't want any answers that say I'm being selfish. I have been a great girlfriend during his time of grief and have worked with him. I'm just a little concerned at the end of the day what all these might mean. I know 1 month of grieving is nothing and grieving can take years, but when will he not be so isolated and want to have my company more? Thank you
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