We are both 21 years olds, in college and are pretty serious. Just a little history, a year and a half ago my boyfriend broke up with me for ludicrous reasons. We didn't speak for three months until he found out his mom had cancer and came back to me realizing that I was the only one who supported him. He apologized for all of our flaws and his mistake and wanted to get back together, being the real deal. For the art year and a half our relationship has been what I have dreamed of. Never fighting and has been an extremely mature relationship.
My boyfriend of three years mom died of cancer a month ago. My boyfriend had seemed to be handling it ok but I knew after the funeral it would really set in. All he can say to me is how confused and lost he is right now and just wants to spend time by himself. I respect his need to have space and have been really good at giving him that. I have been a good listener and letting him come to me when he wants to. It's hard not to take his actions personal. I have never been in his situation before and im always scared that he wants to break up.
We went with seeing each other once a week and talking every few days when he contacted me. Last week he started questioning everything from our relationship to his career path. Saying that sometimes he feels from society he is too young to be in a serious relationship but doesn't agree with that (makes no sense). He brought up our relationship and i had suggested us to take a break due to him saying it was stressing him out ( he always feels like I get hurt when he can't give me attention when i ALWAYS tell him I'm totally fine) and he definitely freaked out saying "I mean a lot to him", "couldn't imagine if something happened to me", and that he "doesn't want to go through another break up with me". This was very reassuring.
He said he feels really numb about everything and was alarmed because he doesn't feel affectionate towards me right now and when I tell him I love him it makes him feel really uncomfortable, he says he feels pain when I say that.
I told him that feeling like this is very normal because you're grieving and I'm one of the closest people to you and that this feeling is not forever. And that it's normal to start doubting everything in your life, because you're grieving... but this is just a temporary feeling. Is it normal for one to feel like this to their bf/gf? I'm trying really hard to help him :/
He is now really despressed and says he is using self help books to help him get through problems he has always had with his dad and older brother (who he lives with and does NOT get along with). The past few days he says he didn't want to talk or see anyone because he didn't care.
Any words of advice? and I don't want any answers that say I'm being selfish. I have been a great girlfriend during his time of grief and have worked with him. I'm just a little concerned at the end of the day what all these might mean.
I know 1 month of grieving is nothing and grieving can take years, but when will he not be so isolated and want to have my company more?
Thank you