Doris Ann

Thank you for your support.

Thank you. My goal is too have more moments like that. I just want to be happy and free!!! I had promised my therapist that I would try hard to go and I did. I almost didn't but I'm glad I did. The mask helped me too.

Just wanted to let y'all know I had a good day on Saturday. My grandson's 3rd birthday party and I wore a mask to his super hero party. I'm glad I went. For a moment everything was ok with the world spinning in my head.

Ok. I will. Thank you

I have an appointment on Wednesday March 26 and will soon start medication to help me. I'm glad that y'all have helped me thru these past few days. I've been a mess. It means so much too me to have this support. Thank y'all. ?

I've been in therapy for almost two years and I'm still trying to dig my way out of this dark cloud. In the distance I see the light but as I walk toward it, it disappears. I'm trying so hard.

Thank you so much. It is hard. But my dad never let us love him. His beer was more important to him as it is now. He is an alcoholic. All my life. Sad to say that. But it's true. I wouldn't recognize him without a beer in his hand. We've all tried to comfort him but he continues to push us away. I won't give up though. One day he will hug me back.

My dad looking at my mom's picture and crying.

Today was not a good day. I feel like if I reach up high to the sky I can touch my moms hand. I'm in my room while life goes on around me. I hear my nieces laughter and my sister talking. My dad looks so old. I see him and dread when his time comes. My brothers and sisters are in denial when I tell them that he has given up. I see it in his eyes. I'm sorry I'm so negative but that's how I feel. I feel fake cuz in my profile picture I'm smiling but it's only to remind me of how I was.

You are so right. I do feel better when I cry.

I thought about writing a letter. And I did write one but I couldn't stop crying and it got distorted somewhat. It's in my pillow because I feel her at night. I know she will find it. My warmth will keep my letter warm for her cold hands. She will like that. Next month is her birthday and I will take her her letter and flowers. I plan on spending the day with her. I have never been able to express myself like this. I feel a little better. Thank you for caring about me.

You are so right. But, for me having been there would've closed a circle. We started this journey together and now I feel lost. I want my mommy back!!!!

Thank you so much. It makes me sad that you were not by your husbands side when he passed. I know how you feel. I was not holding my moms hand at the end of her journey and I wish I had been. I think that is what is making it so hard to let go. The guilt I carry. Your mom is still with you and I know every day is a challenge for you. But you are together. Even though every day is a challenge for me. I'll be here for you.

I'm sorry for your loss as well. I'm so glad I found this group and for all the support I will get.

Thank you!! This is my mom. She passed away on July 25, 2011.

Omg!!!! Thru tears I say this. Thank you thank you for not judging me. Everyone has told me. It's time to move on. Time has passed. But they never address my pain. I was her provider and I did it with my heart in my hand. I fell apart when they accused me of getting paid. How could I. I did it with love. I feel that with y'all help I can do this one day at a time.

When my mom said I feel a lump back in January 2010. My world stopped!!! What? Why? Not her!!! I knew in my heart what it could be. I had hope that it was nothing. But, I was wrong!! My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer at 69 years old. Wow!!! No one had that type of cancer. I held her hand as she got her chemo treatments. It was the hardest thing I had ever done. We both cried together and prayed she would ok. But, life made another wrong turn and she was diagnosed with liver cancer and chemo was not working anymore in February 2011. She was sent home on hospice. Throughout her journey I never left her side. When her time came I was home alone and I was struck by a wind that went right thru me and her scent lingered on all day. At that moment. I knew she was gone. I didn't go see her at home where she passed. I wanted to remember her happy and dancing. As time goes by I regret that decision because our circle is not complete. It's been two years and I feel like I let her down when she needed me at her final moment. I don't know what to do. Other than to ask for support. My heart is hurting.