I have been feeding strays for a long time and have taken some in. I habe two cats in my house. For the last several months, I have been feeding one stray who started living in my yard. I decided to try to find him a home since I already had two cats and if I couldn't, I would take him as well. I bought him an insulated kitty house, a pet bed and put out food for him in the yard every night. Every night after work for the last few weeks, I would go straight to the yard and pet and play with him. he was very sweet and I got very attached to him. My friend said he would try to take him in and if he couldn't I would take him. My friend has one other cat. When I was driving the cat over to my friends house last night, he was crying and scared and I kept reassuring him "Don't be afraid buddy, I'm taking you to your wonderful, loving, warm new forever home". This morning, my friend called me hysterically crying saying he just had the cat put to sleep. The vet told him the cat had feline HIV (FIV) and since he already had a cat and so did I and nobody else was likely to take him in and they couldn't put him back on the street, it was best to put him down. I was beside myself. I have been crying all day. I thought cats with FIV could live for many years, long, healthy lives until the end stage. I would have found him a home, somehow, that did not already have cats or that had cats already infected, I would never have agreed to put him to sleep unless he was actialy suffering or dying. I feel so guilty this cat is dead. I feel like instead of taking him to a warm loving home, I took him to his death. The people I work with must've thought I was nuts, because I cried at work and then left early. I have cried so much today, my eyes hurt. I feel like the cat died needlessly and could have lived a long happy life in a loving home which he never had in his life. At least he could have had a few years of love, affection and a family. I feel so responsible and i am so upset. It would have been hard if the cat had little time left, but I feel even worse knowing he could have probably found a home and gone on living for several more years. I feel like it's all my fault he's dead. I keep going outside wishing he'll be out there. I wish I had never brought him to my friend's house. I wish I had taken him myself. I wish I had been at the vet and asked questions as to how long he could have lived. I have never felt so guilty in my life. I really grew so attached to this cat and felt like he so desperately needed help and it took him so long to trust someone and what do I do? I get him euthanised without any reason for him to really be. I just feel like this is all my fault. I just got so used to him being there when I got home from work. Even last night after I dropped him off, when I got home I missed him. I wish I had just gone and gotten him back. I feel like he's needlessly dead and it's all my fault and now he'll never have the loving home he needed. I just am taking this so hard.
