beccablue

Mary, You interpreted the dynamics right. I agree the distant "relatives" were insensitive to me. No compassion or awareness. Interesting interpretation. My Aunt and Uncle were nice to me, though. But they too may not understand the plight. Even if they did, what could they do to erase the reality? Just an uncomfortable environment altogether especially without my parents and 12-year-old daughter. Thanks, beccablue

KayC, Thank you for your kind words. Maybe I shouldn't spend Passover with those distant relatives? But I am in a tough spot. Next year, when daughter spends holidays at home, we probably should go or she misses out. Plus, we would have no where else but there to spend Passover. The whole thing sucks. Going. Not going. The entire experience is the same every year, stressful - I hate it. That's why my brother does not attend, in part. As for volunteering time to focus outward, I agree that helping others makes one feel good. Great idea. That said, I already do all that: volunteer at a local school, organizing an Easter Egg Hunt right now, and I am taking an intern this summer. Yes, I agree, it feels good doing altruistic acts for others. It helps. Still, dealing with the reality of the loss of my folks- my family, zero family support and the tumultuous character of my daughter's dad is difficult, at times. Nothing can erase the pain of the loss of my parents. So, that is why I am here. To vent, heal and learn from others, who like both you and Mary seem to be in a similar spot. It's not easy, is it? I am sorry for your losses, as well. Best wishes to you. Happy Easter! Many thanks, Beccablue

Your reply Mary made me cry - tears for your empathy. Thank you for your kind words. I think it's interesting that you think those distant "relatives" were insensitive. Would you explain why/how? I believe sharing at this forum may help me heal more and see the brightness in life - difficult to do from time to time... Thank you. Beccablue P.S. I am so sorry for your loss, too. Alzheimer's. It is hard to witness a loved one declining to nothing, when we recall a time they were bright and loving.

I am so happy you are doing better. Truth is, no matter how much counseling or venting with friends, I feel that the pain doesn't ever go away, just fades a bit, even if you try to be positive and think of happy memories. Fact is. It's difficult to cope when triggers like holidays come and go - when flashbacks of the good memories arise as do vivid reminders of watching one's parents die in a traumatizing way. I wish we could erase the pain. The loss. Bottomline. It's difficult - these painful experiences often define who we are now. We wish they did not. But they do. When someone you deeply loved, who played a pivotal role in your life is gone - it's impossible to fill the void. It's just plain sad. I wish you well.

I lost my beloved mom, the anchor and family rock on my BDay 9 years ago from Cancer, a slow, agonizing death - trauma I witnessed with my own sad eyes. My father died in 2012 from Alzheimer's, another slow and agonizing death - trauma #2. For dad, I handled the medical guardian role and all the stressors with it, including seeing a dad either out of it or mean/nasty - there were good times, please note. But, I handled it all ALONE - as a single mom and small business owner. My brother rarely visited dad ' cause it was - too hard for him to deal. How helpful. Talk about stress & depression. It's lonely without mom and dad. I often feel lost, especially now during the Passover holiday. Gone are the Thanksgiving, Birthday dinners my mom organized. My brother, his wife and their kids rarely call or include us in their lives. My mother was the one who brought us all together. With her gone, there's little contact. I have an aunt and uncle, but they have their own grandchildren, their relatives, and lives. At least I was invited, right? So, sitting at Passover dinner at their house with their sides of their happy families was tough. My daughter was at her father's, and I was the only representative of my immediate family present - brother won't participate. Remembering past Passover's with my family alive made me sad. To top it off, the attendees on my aunt and uncle's side, albeit most, but not all present, were really nice people and unpretentious. Each extremely well-off with million dollar companies, proceeds of which are passed on to their children, cousins and in-laws who were able to start their own business or gain from the family by working in the family company in some capacity. It was clearly obvious - I was not one of them - their family. I know they would never outsource services to my company - I'm not family. Reality check. So, I was forced to sit and listen to their regular conversation, involving extravagant parties, exotic trips and elegant living in an exclusive neighborhood. Playing golf. Living life easy with no monetary worries. Talk about hanging out at the Country Club. So, all this, the loss of my folks, the lack of relationship with my brother, my daughter not present (with my ex-husband this year), being single with no significant other, the knowledge that the wealthy distant "relatives" wouldn't consider using my services in business was/is just plain hard to take. Made my cry. After dinner, I called a pal and went over to vent, which helped. This is my life nowadays, a struggle. To top it off, I have a psychologically abusive ex-husband (trust fund attitude) who tries to control my life to this day, constantly instigating problems, shenanagans that force me to hire a lawyer, waste my hard-earned dollars, blah blah. That man went fundamental religious with his third wife - an environment I don't want my daughter in - another stressor. Running a business solo is challenging, too on top of everything. On the upside, my Daughter is my sunshine. I have several wonderful friends, but honestly I could use more people/experiences to fill time. I'd like to meet a man, but it's not simple at age 40. I do work out which helps. But a lot of stress. Grief. Loneliness. Unhappiness. With the Passover holiday this week, reality kicked in. The loss of my folks and having very little family now - has really done a number on me.