amylou

I feel like I am murderer. There was no reason for him to die. I'm scared that the RSPCA will come and take Cleo and the rest of her kittens as I am not responsible and clearly can't look after them and keep them safe. I'm so numb. I just can't believe I did this. I know people will say it's only an animal but I killed him. He wasn't poorly or old. He was brand new and healthy and I took it away. I can't function, I can't sleep I just keep seeing images of his tiny body. Nothing seems to be worth it any more.

Hi everyone. I really dont know where to begin Im devastated. 2 weeks ago todat my cat Cleo gave birth to 4 beautiful healthy kittens. Unusually she chose to have them on my lap on the sofa. She wouldnt leave my side so I allowed her to just have them on me. This was her first litter and she is a natural wonderful mummy. She kept moving her kittens onto the sofa and also kept bringing them to me. Eventually I gave up my sofa for her and allowed her to keep them on there. I put a big duvet on the floor Incase they fell etc but they never did. I just got used to these 4 bundles of joy on the sofa. I would sit on it and they would all snuggle into my legs. Cleo was very trusting and very happy for me to handle them although I tried not to cuddle them to much, just moved them etc if they were getting into pickles. So they are all 2 weeks old today. All healthy happy putting on weight like nobodys business. All eyes open and meowing for mums milk. So now the tradegy. I have had A really bad tooth infection and yesterday had it out and was given antiobiotics. I got home and felt really rough. I took a sleeping tablet and settled down to watch TV. All kittens were fine. I must have gone into a deep sleep. I woke up and saw 3 of the kittens in their basket with Cleo. I saw the 4th at the end of the sofa on his back. I thought he was asleep and touched his tiny tummy. He was dead. I had obviously squashed him in my sleep. Cleo had gotten the other 3 away but couldnt get to him in time. I cant stop crying. Shes looking for him. Im at a loss. I cant live with the guilt of killing a beautiful defenceless 2 week old kitten.. Ill never get over this I may as well not be here.