Hello. I'm new here.
My name is Maria and I'm a 49 yo woman.
I'm dealing with anticipatory grief, and I'm not doing well.
My parents are very old, 86 (mom) and 89 (dad) , and my aunt and uncle are 87 and 88.
They all live at the same house. They have some health problems. Mother has vascular dementia, Father has diabetes, anut has vision problems and uncle has depression. (Well I think all of them are depressed)
I lived at their home for the last ten years, because I wanted to take care of them. I'm not married nor have children.
But the four of them are VERY demanding and VERY negative people. They are always complaining, arguing, offending each other and everyone. And of course, me. A LOT.
After all those years, I got overwhelmed and severely depressed.
They were very nice and loving when they were young and I love them very much.
I went to therapy for several years and took medication, but my dr. always told me that I'd never heal unless I moved out, to a different house. I didn't because they refused to have any help.
Finally, I did it two months ago. I visit them, I call them, I take care of their groceries, laundry, meds, etc, but they are very, very, very angry with me.
They call me names all the time, they say I abandoned them, and so many more horrible things.
Now I'm dealing with terrible guilt and remorse. I know they are not going to live many more years.
Was it selfish to try recovering from my terrible depression I have? I don't know what to do.
I'm feeling very very sad, I cry all the time.
I'm feeling worse than ever.
Do you think I am bad because I left them? I can't even imagine how I'm going to feel if one of them dies.
