Leann

Hi, Mary: I'm breathing a sigh of relief as well. Not that Christmas was terrible, but I was just content to celebrate in my own way this year. Now that both of my parents are gone (my Mom passed away on December 8th), I just needed to rest. Told my family that I would come to visit them later in the week. I'm just so weary of everyone in my family asking me, "Are you ok? You seem depressed." I finally told one of them, "Well, I just lost my Mom! How do you think I'm going to feel!! I'm doing the best I can right now!!" Guess I've arrived at the anger stage and I guess some of them mean well. My body feels like it has been hit with a truck right now after Mom's long illness, so I didn't think resting now and spending time with family later this week was such a bad thing. I just wanted a softer, quieter, gentler Christmas this year. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you negotiate the remainder of the holiday season and beyond. Hugs, Leann

Hello, everyone: I visited this discussion board five years ago when my Dad passed away. It was such a lifeline for me then. I recently lost my Mom to Parkinson's Disease (she had been on Hospice for a year)on December 8th. Her passing is making the holidays even harder this year. Now both of my parents are gone and I feel very lonely and lost. Will appreciate discussions with others. Love and prayers, Leann

Hello, there: Please accept my deepest condolences for the loss of your mother. You're feelings aren't strange at all....they're how you're feeling right now. This discussion board is a kind, safe place to share your thoughts. Everyone here is a heart with ears. I lost my Dad a year and a half ago. I thought this past fall would be better, but on his birthday (November 1st), I had the same pain in the small of my back (right where the kidneys are) that I had for about eight months after he died. The pain continued on through the holidays this year and subsided after the New Year's holiday. One of my Dad's causes of death was renal failure, so I'm wondering if it's a subconscious way of trying to connect with him. I still haven't been able to clear out his dresser drawer. I can totally relate to what you're saying. I'm glad you found us. Love and hugs, Leann

Hello, Lauren: I'm so sorry that you have had to go through so much at such a young age. As Shell wisely wrote you, try your best just to take one thing at a time, one day at a time. This can be easier said than done sometimes, but it's the best any of us can do. Also, please keep in touch with us here on the boards....this is a truly safe, caring place. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Hugs, Leann

No doubt that they are! Hugs, Leann

Hi, everyone: I had another grief burst today....seems like there are lots of triggers around for me right now. I attended a beautiful wedding this evening. The youngest daughter of one of my colleagues (and a former student of mine) got married, so it was a happy occassion. At the beginning of the ceremony, they had a beautiful PowerPoint presentation running. It contained a collection of childhood pictures of the bride with her father (she's very close to her Dad, too). The song playing as the slideshow ran was "I Held Her First." It was so pretty and touching but made me sad at the same time....my Dad won't be here to see me marry. There was a bit of humor as well. The groom's ring had been misplaced and it wasn't realized until the point in the ceremony where the bride had to place it on his finger. So there was a bit of adlibbing. After the ceremony, everyone was gathered outside the church to blow bubbles at the bride and groom as they left for the reception. They were just getting ready to come out to the car when the bride's father hollered, "Stop! Just a minute!" He came running up with the ring box in his hand. As he handed it to the bride so she could place the ring on her new husband's finger, he turned to the crowd and said with a wink, "Sorry.....we had something to get fixed. That's what Dads do!" I thought, yes indeed it is! I hope the bride will value that memory of her Dad. Hugs and prayers to all, Leann

Hi, Lori: Thanks so much for your kind words of support....I know you're Dad is watching over you as well. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you celebrate with your father-in-law. Love, Leann

Hi, Pebbles: I'm so glad to see your posts....everybody here understands. Do what you feel is best for you. I've been off the boards myself for a while; felt like I needed a breather, but it's so good to be back. This is my first Father's Day without my Dad, so I truly understand what you're saying about feeling envious of folks who still have their Dad. I experienced something similar yesterday. The nursing home where my Mom is at is having a breakfast for all the Fathers this morning, so they were busy getting ready for that. I felt so hurt at that moment; it felt like someone had stuck a knife in my heart.....very similar feelings I felt when he passed away last year. Some anger even rose to the surface as well. It just doesn't seem fair, does it? Will be thinking of you as you travel west. My prayer is that you, your Mom, and the rest of your family will draw comfort and strength from each other. Love, Leann

Hi... I'm reading your posts for the first time and I'm truly touched...what an inspirational person you are! Your father sounds like an absolute gem...it's no wonder you miss him so much. His impact on your life is huge. Like you, my Dad was not only my father; he was my best friend. He passed away last June 18th (Father's Day) and I miss him so much. It's been year now and I have days where I just cry and cry and cry....the hurt and pain in my heart is so bad. I still feel lost and disoriented. It comforts me to know that someone else is still making their way through the process as well, even though it's been a while. To us, it still feels like it was yesterday. I'm so glad you found this site and that Marty is able to assist you with posting! Please post as often as you can. The folks here are so caring and writing does help. Take care. My thoughts, prayers, and hugs are with you. Love, Leann

Hi, everybody: My thoughts and prayers are with everybody who are remembering their Dads right now, with Father's Day coming up and all. I know some of us have great memories of our fathers and some of us have memories that aren't the greatest. Reagardless, they're on our minds and hearts. It will be a year on the 18th for my Dad. I had a big grief burst today. I went to the nursing home to see my Mom and they are preparing for Father's Day festivities there. They are having breakfast out on the front porch of the nursing home tomorrow morning fo all the Dads; I'm so glad they're doing this. However, I was hurting....I wanted my Dad to be here so badly at that moment and I felt like an outsider looking in. As my brother said, it's "one more hump to get over." I bought a Father's Day card the other day and took it out to the cemetery for my Dad. While I was standing there looking at all the beautiful cards, I started to cry again. It just hurts so much that he's not here..... Hugs to all, Leann

Hi, Shell: Please accept my heartfelt sympathy and condolences for the loss of your dear Mother. We're all here whenever you come back. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Love, Leann

Hi, Pebbles...My thoughts and prayers are with you. I can only imagine how difficult it must be for you to see him going through all of this. Your Dad sounds pretty much like mine. He had been my Mom's caretaker for many years and his consuming thoughts the night before he died was that she be well taken care of, which my brother and I are attempting to do. He always felt that he had to be so strong for everyone else. Please take good care of yourself and keep us posted on how he's doing. Hugs, Leann

Hi, Shelley: I'm so sorry to hear that you've been having a rough time of late. I'm dreading the upcoming one year anniversary of my Dad's death this summer; Christmas was pretty rough and I've been very down since then....so I haven't been on the boards for a while. My brother and I had quite a disagreement over the holidays, which didn't help much either. But I guess as we've said many times before on here...the best we can do is to do the best we can do one day at a time. I'm glad you felt that you made it through your Dad's anniversary the best you could. Please feel free to email privately anytime you'd like to as well. Hugs, Leann

Hi, Jeff...I certainly understand how you feel. On New Year's Day, I felt such a huge sense of relief that 2006 was finally over. Since the holidays, I've been feeling pretty tired and wiped out, things I've now come to know as normal reactions. However, I'm looking forward with hope to 2007 and as Shell wisely says, "one day at a time." That's all we can do. Hugs, Leann