Smudgie

Debi, so very sorry for you terrible loss, I know the pain you feel. "Do you think it is better to have known such love and lost it for it only to cripple you or perhaps never to have had it and therefore escape this pain?" I can only speak for myself, but I would never have missed a second with my soulmate and would have endured all the fires of hell for the time we had together. The price of that love seems almost unbearable but totally worth paying. Peace and love Simon

Well spoken Harry I relate to your philosophy. Hope the seasons ills pass for you and peace comes. Beware the wild hunt in midwinterwhen the daemons ridefor all who are caughtwill be lost foreveras was I.

feralfae, Thank you for your kind thoughts, I have been busy surviving. Although my poems are gloomy, as they only appear from out of my dark muse, I am still here. My friend and I at college made a pact that we would be the exception that proves the rule and would live forever, Well, I am still on course although I don't know about my friend as sadly I lost touch with him in the general chaos of life. The only problem with this , of course, is that I want to see my soulmate again so... The Path to Immortality There are many different trails many different tales we follow but one where this leads we only guess some choose well for some their luck is less there is no return no going back I can only follow what I know so little time before I go XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX My best wishes for the future to all.

When I have had a particularly bad day I feel the need to vent, today was one such as I went to see my wife's Psychiatrist who was more like a friend really, this is for the first time since her passing and I used to take her there every two weeks for 12 years. As you all know these triggers are always hard to deal with so I cope in my own way although it seems to be a little narcissistic. The Black Hole I slip over the event horizon into the infinite abyss The darkness devours my spirit The cold soaks into the core of my being Struggling against the futility of my own sentience I ponder what I am now become There could yet be some unknown task to complete Only fate can say and fate does not speak.

Thanks for the message Jame. Your comment regarding not leaving your location was poignant for me as it would probably be better for me to return to England but all my memories with my wife are here so I am torn. Just procrastinating waiting to see if something comes along to make the decision for me. Hope you get your muse back. Here is my favorite Pearl Jam song "Pendulum" Can't know what's high 'Til you've been down so low The future's bright, Lit up with nowhere to go, To and fro the pendulum throws We are here and then we go My shadow left me long ago Understand what we don't know This might pass This might last This may grow Easy come and easy go Easy left me a long time ago I'm in the fire but I'm still cold Nothing works works for me anymore Ah ah ah ah ah To and fro the pendulum throws To and fro the pendulum throws To and fro To and fro https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y1D1uZbhdQY

Thanks Jame, I notice you live in Gloucester, nice town, I lived near Bath until relocating stateside to be with my wife, I am still here but alone. Best wishes Simon

Like all of us here sharing our experiences, I am going through this evolution of my grief from the first raw terrible days and weeks to "settling in" for the long haul. To those who say, you must be over it by now its been x amount of time, I would use the analogy imagine your partner has gone away on business or for the military, you would miss them terribly and the longer that they were gone, the more they would be missed. This is what losing someone is like, the feelings of disbelief and panic may have quieted down but you miss them even more the longer that they are gone. Peace and hope

Thank you Kay and Enna, I try to express my feelings when I have the urge and jot down the words in a couple of minutes. I know that all of us who have lost soulmates will feel the same way, it must be some sort of universal constant. It is a sad fact that almost 50% of all people who have soulmates will have to go through this at some point in their lives, thankfully a lot of these will experience it when they are very old and have had many happy years , although the sadness must be the same whatever age we have to face it.

Mind Out Of Time As I lay wrapped in the gentle darkness with infinite sadness my muddled thoughts chase each other around my head Another day has gone They pass so slowly as the seasons fly by Too late the time too late for me This then the price of love had I been forewarned still I would pay gladly Though often times the pain is much greater than my broken heart can bear

Amy, Grief can certainly depress the immune system and can cause all sorts of health problems, try to eat well and look after yourself even though you may not feel like it. Peace and love

Teri, your love story really touched my heart it was so much like my own only totally different, if that makes any sense. I also know that you do not get over a love like this, you only learn to live with the loss (if you are lucky) so do not listen to those who have not experienced this. peace hope and love Simon

A years gone by, so all alone The worst one I have ever known My karmic sins must have been great To seal me to this awful fate Was this of my own accord ? Should I fall upon my sword? Or continue as this dying husk Until I slowly fade into the dusk Not for me will love transcend Until I reach my bitter end

Harry, Just remember you cant change the way the world works and try not to stress too much over things that happen far away. It is enough that you try to influence events which you have some degree of control over which I note you are doing. There are bad things happening all over the world at this moment but there are also many good things and it has been the same since the beginning of humanity, we can only do so much as individuals and even the Obama, for all his good intentions has only been able to achieve a small part of what he really wanted due to reactionary and financial interests. I know what you mean by having an existential mental crisis, both my wife and mother died last year, the two people on Earth who understood and unconditionally loved me and I have been thinking much about the passing of time, where it has gone and where it is going. Best Simon

Thank you Fae for your kind words and I am doing what I can to be creative as it has occurred to me that I have to live now for my wife as well as myself. I live alone with my cat and do not get out much as my illness prevents me from doing many things that I want, like a walk in the woods or a long drive and I don't even get to paint very much which I love. Kay, yes it is the only way I have of expressing my feelings and to try to dissipate my pent up emotions, a safety valve blows occasionally. Peace and love.

Hi all, I am still here just about and still writing stuff. Am still composing the music on my guitar when I feel up to it. The End Of All Things A moment in time The only one This is now and then its gone This hell will go Then peace will come Where there was pain there will be none Your face I see your voice on the phone Your presence I feel at night all alone The love that we had when we exchanged rings we will meet again at the end of all things.