missingjack

Thank you to everyone for your kind words. Everyday things become a little easier, but still have their ups and downs. My husband had an amazing dream the other night. I would love to share. On our way to church Sunday my husband, Chris, told me something happened to him overnight. He said he had a short dream but it felt so real. So much so that he could still feel the texture of Jack's fur between his fingers. Here is the dream in his words: We were at the base of a big beautiful mountain. You(me) and I were standing a little ways down from each other, both enjoying a stream that was tucked between some trees. We could see the mountain in the distance. Jack and Canon were on the other bank of the stream, playing and running together. All of a sudden Jack runs to me and begins to kiss me and let me pet and love on him like he always did. I kept telling him I loved him and that he was a good boy. He then ran across the river and began playing with Canon again. When Jack would hear something or someone, especially if his name was called, he would pop his head up high and his ears would pop up and move up and down as he listened. He did this and stared toward the mountain as he did. Then he calmly started walking towards the mountain. He usually runs, but he was so peaceful this time. He walked for a little bit and then turned around and stared at me, as if to say goodbye. He was interrupted with the same "calling" and again perked his ears up and stared toward the mountain. He then began to walk to the mountain until he disappeared behind it. Then I woke up. We both cried after he shared. It gave us a lot of peace. My husband felt like he could move on peacefully. Last night I started to worry that in the dream I was a little away from everyone and Jack didn't come to me or look at me. Jack was VERY attached to my husband. I am trying to believe that is why the dream was how it was..it made it even more special. I guess I am just hoping that it wasnt that way because he was mad at me for not protected him. That is a silly thought, but it scares me.

You are very right, Marty. I am loving on Canon like crazy. I just got through laying on his chest while he pressed his face against mine. I cried and when I looked at him it was like he knew I was hurting. I know he is confused as well. I spent the evening talking to a friend and praying a lot. My husband and I are talking about it a lot. He is helping me to believe that the cries I heard where not Jack's and that he passed instantly due to the look of things. And that I should not carry the guilt as it was his time to be called home by God. Knowing he didnt suffer matters to me, knowing that I can eventually forgive myself. Trusting that God is sovereign and was not taken by surprise about any of this brings me comfort as well. My emotions go in stages. I am fine for a few and then I have a meltdown and cry till my eyes are swollen. I have lost pregnancies and have had to put down animals in the past. I don't know why it all feels so different this time. Maybe because I feel it was preventable and my husband told me a million times not to leave them outside by themselves for even a moment. I never had a problem before, until today. Guilt on top of grief is so much more difficult than just grief itself. This too I shall overcome, through friends, wonderful people like you and lots of prayers and scripture. And I choose to believe that he is heaven with Jesus, playing and at peace and not looking down sad on me, or angry. There is no grief in heaven, no tears or sadness. Just joy and peace. So I am trying to replace my thoughts of guilt with thoughts of trust in God that he can take all this mess inside and make something beautiful from the ashes that are in my heart right now. I am sorry that you lost your sweet dog too. Thank you for using your experience to help people like me feel like they can still wake up and face the day with some hope. It is going to be a long journey and I am thankful that I do not have to do it all alone. Lorissa

Here is Jack. Just 6 months old..he had so much life left to live.

Thank you ladies, This all happened a few hours ago. I have my husband beside me, but I need more support as he is falling apart as well. My husband, Chris, checked multiple times to ensure he was actually gone. He was. He is. I am trying to just focus on just the loss of him and not on guilt over it. It was his time to go. The people did not stop and that is a real sick thing to do. Thankfully I was able to be there shortly after it happened. My husband said it was best that I was not out there to actually see it happen. I agree. I am a visual person and I over analyze everything and replay things in my head to try to understand what he may have been going through. I do pray that he died instantly. I assume that because of how hard he was hit. I am going through something weird where I am almost angry at my other dog. Like it was his fault. It wasn't, of course. I am thankful that at least both of them were not killed. I just have a billion thoughts and emotions taking place. I looked at a lot of his pictures and videos and cried. I have laid in his bed and cried. It is hard to see my husband so broken over this loss. I know that time heals well and I need to give it time. We had to put down one of our dogs a few years ago and it hurt something horrible..this is TOTALLY different. We made that decision because it was best for her. This event is so much harder. Marty, Some of the things that you said helped soothe my soul. I appreciate them. I also appreciate the others that are being here for me even though you do not know me. I will post daily, maybe more than daily, as I venture through this heartache. I will post pics as well.

I am beside myself. My precious Jack, a young Blue Heeler, was playing in the yard with his brother, Canon. I went inside for a moment, figuring it would be okay since they typically stay out of the street. I heard a weird, loud, horrifying cry 3 times. When I went outside I saw Jack laying across the road in front of my house(we live in the country). Canon came running and was scared and hid in his crate inside the house. I ran to Jack and noticed there were no wound marks, but his tongue was hanging out and he was not moving or breathing. I called my husband, Chris, and he came home immediately. He works at a ranch just a few houses down. He scooped Jack up and put him in the back of his truck. We drove him across the street and up our driveway. We noticed blood leaking from his side. There was no wound though. We figured that he had major internal bleeding and that he was bleeding out of his skin on his belly. We have wrapped him a blanket and buried him next to some trees and the woods behind our home. We have a little grave stone. Chris went back out a couple hours ago and dug Jack back up to make sure he was really gone. To watch the grief overcome my husband was horrible. I am carrying a HUGE amount of guilt and I am in a place of hating myself right now. If I would have been outside then he would still be here, chewing on his toes at my feet and chasing his brother around. If I had been more responsible then he would be snuggled in his bed that I have spent the last 3 hours weeping in. If I didn't have to carry around all of this guilt and shame then I feel I could grieve so much easier. To grieve and then have these horrible emotions on top of it, is so hard. I feel like I need permission to stop blaming myself. It has just been a few hours, but the anxiety from the guilt and the loss of Jack, that I am physically ill from it. I just need a hand to hold right now..