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About blkkat1234

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  • Date of Death
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    Northern Indiana Hospice

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  • Location (city, state)
    Fort Wayne
  1. I meant, he has to make the decision to better his life. Ihave contacted Hospice and have set an appointment. Things have been more peaceful around the home in the last few days. He has been helping me and has been talking more with me. I will put myself first this time and am setting boundaries. If he crosses those Boundaries Zi am prepared to have him move. He knows Imean business and will force him to face the consequences that he never did when he was younger. This behavior is not acceptable. I swept things under the rug because my husband was sick and I wanted to keep things peaceful and quiet. He took advantage of that. Now that it was just us he took advantage of my vulnerabie state of mind. I know that and if it continues, the lies, the arguing, I will put a stop to it. He has improved but when things are going smooth, he may return to his old ways. Thank all of u for all your advice and support. I depend on u all because I know u have my best interest at heart!
  2. Thanks to all the advice given burnt son is of age. I have no control. He has to make these decisions. My only hope is prayer and putting all of this in God's hands. I'm overwhelmed, I need to let go and let God!
  3. It is so helpful to have a place to unload even though I 'm ashamed I have to do it. Ryan apologized to me and admitted we can't go on like this. He told me, I know u don't truste but I have quit selling it and Ionly smoke it to get through the nausea of weaning off it. He said, no more lies and if I'm sick and have to do a little, I won 't do it in our home. If I can 't do it on my own, I'll get professional help. We are going to get counseling. On my days off I'm going to contact Hospice for my grief counseling. I told him, I have to look out for myself and I will do anything to get my peace back, that includes police, restraining order or whatever it takes! He said, I'll try to do better and he understands. He said, I'm going through with withdrawals and he's hurting too. Thanks to all of u for caring and such good advice. Into work I go! Let go and let God !
  4. I have read everyone's advice and I have done everything concerning my son but nothing works. All we do is fight. I'm into room and he comes in yelling at me, I can't avoid him. Thus last encounter was when I was AAt work he calls me and says he has no way home. He needs $10 to give someone gas to get him home. After 3 calls I gave him $20 because I didn't have change. I told him to give me the 10 tonight. When I get home no 10, he left it in his friends car? Another lie. I told him if I didn't 't have the 10 by Monday he would have to leave. Well that set him off, he started banging the doors. My son over the years has pawned everything of ours he could get his hands on. He's run up my line of credit. Got ahold of my Walmart card and ran it up, twice. Pawned our jewelry, household items. Wrecked every car he ever had and it was our insurance that suffered. After my husband died in April, I gave him his car because I didn't have the time or patience of running him everywhere! He totaled it in less than a month. I gave him the insurance money of $2500. To get this Honda. 3 months later, no car, no money, no nothing. He screams at me, u wanted me to quit drugs, I did, I have no money, now u won't help me. I have no more money to help. He says he quit but everyte I pass his room, I smell it. I told him I hate him but I meant I hate was he's done to me. Now he throws that in my face to make me feel worse than I already do. I live in my bedroom to avoid him. I've asked him to please not bother me at work but he's says, what am Zi to do, I have no way home. He wAnts my car but I will not let him have it. I just put a block only phone so he can 'to bother me at work. To his credit, he has not stolen one thing from me since my husband died but I am through of him taking advantage of me. It's not the $10, it's the lies and U just don't trust anything he says. He may be telling the truth but I don't trust him anymore. I love him and have tried to help him so much I 'm just can't look at him anymore. He won't leave and I have no one now to make him leave! He said if I leave you'll never here from me again. I feel like I'm losing my mind. Someone here told me to find a quiet place but in my own home, I have nowhere to escape. If he keeps bothering me at work, I could lose my job. I just put a block on my phone. When he finds outI don't know what he'll do. He says, I'm going crazy and he's the way he is because of me. He says I will never let him forget the past but the past is still the present still. I want peace but IF Inever here from him what is worse. I thought if I provided him a place to live at least I would know he was not on the street. But I can't live with him. I lock everything in my car. I carry my keys on me. I fear every time I come home something will be gone. He hasn't 'to taken anything from me in 3 months but I know what he does when he's desperate. He has nothing now, he 'a desperate. I locked my laptop in my car. Now he says he has nothing to do all day! Maybe he 'a right, maybe I am crazy. I hate bothering anyone with my problems, mainly because I don 't want my family to know. They are already see but won't say anything but I can see it in their eyes. My son has been better, for him, but every lie or story, or excuse makes me lose it. I just can't take any falsehoods coming from his mouth. I'm crying as I text. I want to scream, someone help me, him, please...
  5. I have read all your kind words and I have little time right now to respond properly as I'm getting ready for work and need to keep my mind on my job. Your advice thus far I will consider strongly but I fear if I face my needs I will fall apart and not be able to work and take care of myself. I have so much on my mind I can't decide what to do first. I am overwhelmed and angry, bitter, exausted, sad, disappointed in myself that I must have done something wrong as a mother and wife. Maybe I should have taken over my husbands meds but he insisted on doing them himself. I never thought he was taking them right. I know Ican't go back. I just wish I knew where I went wrong with my son? Why do other friends have such well adjusted kids? Where did I go wrong? Thanks again for your comforting words of advice!
  6. My name is Katie and I just lost my husband Bob 04/04/14. This is my story and I desperately need advice. We had been married 19 years and he had many health problems the last 10 years of his life. We sold our home last August because I was not able to take care of it because I worked full-time and my husband stayed at home and wasn't able to help me physically. We moved to a senior community last August and he was in and out of the hospital 4 times until his death. His last stay at Heart Institute was 18 days, where they gave us the dreadful news that they tried everything but he had less than 6 months to live. Hospice needed to come in our apartment that day. I met them and got everything set up and when I returned they had him ready to go home. He couldn't where his shoes because he was so swollen, his belly was distended and he really thought he had 6 months. I had talked to his heart Dr. privately and he had told me if he lasted 7 days, he would be shocked. My sister came to help take him home and we shared about 5 or 6 hours that were pretty memorable with him. He wanted me to go to the store and get his favorite foods because he was on restrictions for 18 days. Before I went, the nurse went over the morphine schedule with us, little did I know, I would get a call that he was coughing up blood. That was the beginning of the dying process for him. When I returned, I was only gone 25 minutes, he couldn't breath! we began giving him morphine to help with his "pain". Set up the oxygen, tried to keep him upright, running my fingers through his hair constantly, trying to calm him. During his suffering, he begged to go to the hospital. I assured him the morphine would peak and he would feel better. It was a long night. He prayed out to God, Father, you said anytime you invoke your name you would come, please help me father! Eventually he went in a deep coma. He was not responding to my voice or commands. My sister and I, about 4 in the morning, were going over the morphine schedule, hoping we weren't giving him too much. And out of no where, in the most clear, joyful words of a boy, he said, "Hi Grandma". I really believe his grandma came to meet him! The next day at 4:45 p.m. he took his last breath. I helped the nurse clean and prepare him. I'm a CNA and work with the elderly, so death in my mind, was not scary to me. I constantly relive those 24 hours, though. Since then, I bought a mobile home near family, I never had time to really grieve. Now I can do nothing but cry. And I have the problem of my son. He is 29. Was diagnosed with ADD in first grade and was medicated but it was always a struggle getting him through school. He did graduate but he quit taking his meds at 18 and he hasn't been working solid for such a long time, I fear he'll never be able to hold a job. He lived with his Dad and us off and on with his dog, so I had to move for fear of getting kicked out of the Senior Community. When Bob was still with me , I told him he had to leave because Bob's health was the priority and we couldn't deal with the stress. He lived in a hotel and continued his horrible lifestyle, smoking spice and dealing. This is where I made my mistake. I was so vulnerable, I told him he could live with me. Its been just horrible. I just realized how long I've been typing. I'm so sorry for burdening everyone with my problems. Please forgive me but I needed to talk to someone because its hard to share with friends and family because I'm so ashamed of him and I don't want them to know. Thank you so much for listening to me!
  7. I noticed your post because u reminded me of my cousin who lost her husband to pancreatic cancer. I lost my husband Bob on 04/06/14, not quite 3 months ago. 19 years we were married and 10 of them he was sick. This is my first post, I don't even no where to begin, I 'm lost I know that. Remember your not alone, just take one day at a time!
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