Hi again. Thank you for your compassion and understanding and practical advice. I am looking for a grief group...it is still hard to get dressed every day and venture out. I make a point of dressing now; the first few weeks, not so much. I have been reading a wonderful book, "Widow to Widow" by Genevieve Davis Ginsburg. She also has this t-shirt we have, and I have found validation and a commonality in her experiences.
My husband was an amazing guy. We had been dating about two years when he was diagnosed. He gave me the opportunity to run...never even crossed my mind! We went through a few rounds of chemo, and then we learned the lymphoma was in his brain. Park was the smartest man I have ever known. He became confused and child like. We went for intrathecal treatment; they said he'd never fly again, but he would enjoy a little time working in the yard and greenhouse. Park was an evac helicopter pilot and saved many lives. He also taught other pilots to fly and to recover from engine failures. I never had the pleasure of flying with him, which makes me sad. Yet another thing we didn't get to do together.... Anyway, my brilliant man regained his thoughts and creativity. We drove a steam train together--one of his lifelong dreams. He beat their predictions by a few months. We married after he got out of the hospital in Tucson...a small ceremony in Mom's backyard. It was, the happiest day of my life, in spite of what we knew was coming. Park told me he had never been happier than he was with me...we built a good life together and were still making plans the night before he died. The timing of his death in late April surprised both of us. I am thankful that he is no longer in pain. Other than that, I am still angry and disappointed that he is gone. I miss him all the time. Park was the love of my life, and I just feel lost without him now.
I thank you for listening and understanding. Some of my friends have disappeared, but a few are hanging in there with me. Thank God for them...and for you. Deb. P.S. I adopted a basset named Katie. She makes sure I get up and move!