My best friend in the world passed away at the beginning of this month. I feel so lost and alone. She was such an important part of my life. We started as co-workers 15 years ago, and then her sister passed away 13 years ago. We became friends during the months following her sisters passing. We became very close over the years. We still worked together so we saw each other 5 days a week and we would go off on vacations together to just get time away from the husbands and work. We could talk about anything and had a lot of the same issues so we compared notes. We were 6 months apart in age and our husbands were close to the same age as well. The husbands were not friends, just acquaintances. Three years ago my friend found a lump that was breast cancer. She had her breast removed and needed chemo. She had one dose of chemo and had an allergic reaction to it that almost killed her. I was with her every step of the way. She didn't know who I was for 3 days and it took her 6 months to get well enough to go back home. She had to learn to walk again. I would stop and see her on my way to work, I would run up at lunch and I would stop every night on my way home. She would always tell me she couldn't have made it without me. Truth is she was always my strength. She recovered and came back to work. Ever since she first found out about the cancer we started doing more things together, she didn't want to let life pass by. We ate lunch together 5 days a week, we talked in the evenings, and we went on weekend outings and vacations. This year she had been feeling bad for months (allergies / cold type symptoms). She had been to the Dr. numerous times and they would try one med after another. She kept getting worse. She called me on my way to work May 27th, crying, she felt so bad and no one was seeming to do anything to help her. I told her I was on my way and I would take her to ER and we would make them figure out what was wrong. A few hours later I held her hand as they told her the cancer was back in her brain, lungs, kidney and spine. Now 40 days later she is gone. They removed a tumor from her brain and she had been recovering in a rehab center. She was going to have radiation and estrogen blockers as treatment to slow the progress of the cancer but there was no talk of a cure. She was supposed to get out in another week and I told her we were going to go out and have some fun even if it meant pushing her in a wheel chair. That was on Friday around noon and I got a call Saturday at 9 am that she was in route to the ER and had stopped breathing. She never regained consciousness. I miss her so much. She knew everything about me and if I was sad she was right there with a hug and a Kleenex. Now I need the hug and Kleenex and she isn't here. I feel so lonely. People are already saying "oh you’re still grieving?" Maybe you are clinically depressed, you should see someone. It has been just barely 3 weeks. How am I supposed to feel at this point? I want to be better but the one person who could help me cope isn't here anymore.
