Texyman

Kay, It sounds good that Jim still contacts you almost every day. We also have some distance but we do not communicate by phone so often. I again realized each person has each pace. When we met, I did not bring any jewelry to her only flower and sweets and tried not to say about love relation. But she gave me nice watch and show her love to me but after that there have not been any contacts from her though I left voice messages. Situation is still not easy for me...

Last week end, finally we met again. 8 month has been past already since the tragedy. I met with her son and some friends as well. But I did not want to be alone by two of us and I did not stay until mid night. I felt we cannot be back to old days but we need new relation. I am sure she needs my support and love but not the same. 8 months is not long but it was too long if only thing you can do is waiting but I believed it worth doing and some persons in this forum advised me to do so and I did so. Meanwhile my father past away, it was begining of last month and it still hurts me a lot But I learned something from the experience. Now, my girl friend and me support each other. I hope it will not be ended.

I can not lead our relation anymore.I think it is up to her. i just thought if i keep her as girlfriend or just friend what ever, it may close her door to other opportunities. She is still almost silent to me even though she tells me that she loves me from time to time. I feel that she really misses her boys much more than half years ago. i should learn more how people who lost kids feel and grief after half year, even years after..

Kay, no, I only wish her best future and if I'm not right person to support her rest of life as man not as friend,I will like to let her go and pray for her best from afar. I cannot change relation from man and woman to just friend and as soon as my role as boyfriend is finished, I want to quit from her. I believe that is best for her and her new partner. Of course that would be big pain for me.

I understand what you mean and I also feel such double mind to her. And I feel this situation will continue and could be forever. Her mother told me that do not dare to think of her boys, that literally breaks her heart. She never said like that till yesterday. I feel their feeling is changed. Kay, time is flying and it seems my role as boy friend will be end soon.

Kay, I can only imagine that even though half year has been past since then, time cannot reduce her sadness. But what do you mean she is confused?

Thank you Kay for sharing your experience with me. In my case, she ignores my contact and her mother and son contact me as if they are on behalf of her. I do not understand why she ignore my contact and sometimes say I love you. Is it just part of grieving process? If so, what should I do for her.. I completely agree with you on that we should not just avoid facing adversity together instead of breaking up.

Here is some updates. We sent Christmas card each other and celebrated new year. And she said she appreciates my support and sometimes she says she loves me. Sometimes I received text from her mom and son. But problem is that they can hardly understand that I'm also so grief and my heart has been painful for the last half year. She told me that she will visit me in coming summer season with his son but I feel daily communication with her is totally changed comparing with before the tragedy. She does not reply my text so often and sometimes we do not talk and text for a month. I do not know how long this situation will last. May be forever.

Yes, I mean I can only imagine but cannot understand. She already informed me last year that he has serious illness but why in this moment it become critical situation ? I feel I'm numb with another sadness and I send very short text to her and I believe that is the best in this moment. Kay I'm so sorry your husband passed away in such young age but thank you for sharing what you felt at that moment.

Now I understood why my girl friend and her Mom was silent in the last few weeks. Day before yesterday my girlfriend informed me that her dad is now in critical condition and she must fly to the place where he stayed with her brother. She just told me that she does not know anymore. I replayed to her and sent text to her mother. I also do not know anymore and only thing I can do is praying for his fast recovery. I can only image how hard it is for her that she must leave the place where her boys are rest and face another sadness....

Till few weeks ago, I felt I was controlled by brain and heart but now, I feel third one. It's body. And I feel fight between brain/heart and body in myself. And body almost defeats the others. I mean body accept to be friend with her although others do not accept. Because it's so heart breaking and so painful that body eventually react to get rid of those pain to protect myself. Kay, you are right. I also think she has nothing to give me now and she still feels guilt to contact me. It will last very longtime.

Kay, it is... it will be very long journey and I do not know if there is the terminal. And be friends could be best option so that she does not feel any guilts when she contact me or response to me. I feel now that communicating even as friend is more important than keeping love relationship without communicating...

I feel that most of time her heart and brain are full with her boys and no extra room for me and sometimes there is small room for me and it is suddenly disappear...and I feel she still feel guile to contact me.

I said in previous post that I just want to finish my role as boyfriend and lead her to right direction. But now I realised that I still expect something else. That's why my heart start to pain again although your compassion helps me a lot. I will travel to near their house in the end of November but I will keep silent for the time being. Maybe I will send a card just before I leave the place.

I sent text to her mom last Friday but so far no response. This result is what I anticipated. But Kay, Thanks for your advice. It won't send text to my girlfriend. but how should I understand the situation meant one side she told me she loves me and on the other side I can not participate any services even I can not meet with her ever since...It is really long journey.

I just wonder if I should follow their lead like you. I will not go for dating with her and won't talk romance. I will inform to her mother and wait for her responds.

Okay, Thank you. From your post, I know it was. but still only lives? it is very long journey, kay. End of this month, I have to stay my old office for one or two days, very close to my girl friend’s house. Should I tell her or her mother ?

Kay, talking on phone is good because you can listen. my case, we only communicate by text. I do not call her and she does not as well. But what does he talk to you on phone ? only small talk ? or about you? you do not have anything you want to talk ?

Kay, I am thinking if it would be wise to send a letter to her. So not just keep the door open but write what I am thinking about her now. Of course I will not send too much...

I still send text to both my girlfriend and her mother. more or less one in a week or two. Last week, I received long text from her mother. In the mail, like Kay advised me, she also advised me to have fun and just pray for them. But what I was a little bit surprised was that she asked me to guide her in life and show her best way, make her life meaningful and worth living…. What should I do ? I already replied to her mother with long text but I did not say anything about them. Text from my girlfriend is also changing. She told me she cannot meet me but love, meet, appreciate….those word are in text..it is first time ever since.

Since iPad, smart phone has been existed in our life, I can communicate with my family and friends in other country via Skype, whatsapp, etc. It is not same as I face to them but now for me even better because I still do not feel like to go out for drink. I am quite good now but still need time to go out for drink for fun. Kay, sorry to hear that your friend is moving out to somewhere. But I think you can still be in touch with her/him via such media.

Many thanks Kay and Mary for your advices. I used word 'recover' from her text but yes we cannot be back to same mindset before tragedy. I'm sure that It will be long journey. just 3 month has passed and I do not know how long I need to wait. But I think it worth doing even if I cannot meet with her again. As long as she response to me, I want to believe there is still my role in her life.. One of the things in my case is that I already met with her family and have communicated with them well before the tragedy. So now I sometimes can exchange text with then even more than with her and they also support me while they spent indescribable sadness day. Kay, yes I go out for running. I learn that is one way to reduce my pain.This month I ran over 50km.

Kay and Mary, Thanks for your writing and advising to me. I have not updated in the last couple weeks simply because of no news. I just sent short text once in a week or two, then sometimes she replied to me, sometimes her mother replied to me on behalf of her and sometimes not. Book say that sadness of loss of lovers are like wave. meant sometime big, sometimes small so I thought when she did not reply to me, big wave came to her. Last weekend, I sent her sponge cake and letter. But I did not get any reply from her and her mother. Then I thought I did something wrong and they are angry with me. Day before yesterday, I sent text saying extremely sorry for sending cake in this moment . And at the moment I was wondering maybe this text would be last one and I would be faded out completely… Yesterday, surprisingly I received first long text from her since the tragedy and it was very positive message to me and ask me to wait until she is recovered. I was very glad because I felt something is changed on her. I do not know how long do I have to wait and if I really can meet her again but I will try and I really hope she is recovered as much as possible and I want to support for that. I will not take any step further, I will just keep my door open by sending short text periodically and just wait until she is recovered at certain level. please advice me if I am wrong or should I do something else ? Thanks.

Since there have not been big changes since last post, I have not updated for long time. Here is some updates; I feel her mother takes care of me on behalf of her. I do not know how should I understand it. she sent me long mail and told me what they are doing and anytime, in the last sentence, she asked me to wait until they start to see the world again. I sent post card 2 times to both my girl friend and her mother and short mail about once in week. after that I got short mail from my girlfriend very late but she always replies. I realized in these days that my feeling is changing, since her mother told me that she misses her boys more than 2month ago and today she can not see this world at all. it sounds that she is now really grieving. In the beginning, I wanted to keep our relation and wanted to support for her. but now I only wish that she start to see this world again and find her good future. it does not matter if she need me or not. Last week, I ran 10km and now I can read thick book. both I could not do since this sad has been started. And my dark days is not my fear anymore. I do not know why my feeling is so changed ??? I still love her!! Do I start to protect my body followed by basic instinct or simply because time is flying ??

Kay, it is.... She replays to me only the case my text message is about her sons. In these days, this is only the way to communicate with her. If I talk about her, she never reply. But now my dark days seems to be end , at least we start to communicate again. That is good for me. I hate dark days. It was too painful for me. I do not know what we will be... maybe we will be friend like you and Jim. that maybe I have to accept. Anyway, I will not challenge 80 yard touch down pass, now I only select running attack and complete 3rd and 3 or 4. If failed, jut punt and trust my defense team.