Mike98

So it's been a month since I last spoke to her and I feel that I've moved on. Right now I have no intention of contacting her ever again and have abandoned the idea of doing so on her sister's birthday - mostly due to the fact that she is now with the other guy, so, all my suspicions were true of her and she had held the truth from me and not really considered me at all. I still think about it but I find I'm no longer checking up on her activity regularly like before and don't wish to even get back with her or be friends or anything to that degree considering what has unfolded. Overall, though, I'm looking forward and believe that if she was capable of such thoughtless actions regardless of her grief - used as a mere excuse - then I'm better off. Updating here really helped in the initial month afterwards and I'm grateful for the responses! Thanks.

Yeah, at the time I'll obviously know where she stands on honouring her reasons for breaking up and also if her response is especially welcoming that would change things as opposed to her not being. Maybe I'll feel there being no harm in messaging her a week later or something closer to that time frame, finding out for myself further how she is in regards to things if I feel that's right. As to waiting for her to message me after, I don't see her doing so as even in our relationship when all was fine I was expected to message her first all the time - she has the mentality of the male being the one to make the moves, even if she did really want to talk to them.

Thank you for the reassurance there. I'm pretty sure she'll saying thanks to that so do you think after that I should leave it there again and leave it for her to contact me again? Or just do what I feels best at the time? I'm not sure engaging in a full blown conversation on that day would be wise...

I know it's ages away, but would "Thinking of you and your mum today" be too blunt on her sister's birthday? Saying something more like happy birthday to her would feel inappropriate.

Yeah, I understand that now. I really do hope her reasoning remains sincere and there is no deception on her part, however, I feel either way I'll be the bigger person by the time two months have passed and still give her my message of consideration. Whether I feel I've moved on or not I'll still care for her and the terrible situation she is in. Maybe she'll surprise me, or maybe she'll still respond in an emotionally removed way...hopefully by then I'm ready for either response.

I'm sure it will help for the coming weeks. Today was hard for me as I began to have doubts I could last so long without contacting her, thinking to myself that I should make my intentions clearer. However, I soon looked back to what I said here and realised it's only for the best as continuing to hold onto her only detaches me from the reality of the situation. I'm also aware that if I did contact her today and engage in small talk about TV etc. she would most likely respond well, it's only when my questions that enforce pressure on her come along that her defences come up...something I was aware of but felt compelled to ask after what her friend had said before. Would you think the fact she didn't apologise for her friend's actions means anything? Or is her detachment to everything most likely the reason? Anyway, I'm pretty sure I'll have more days like this to come but I'll stay strong and remind myself that my own well being does come first.

It would be 4 months since I'd seen her by then though and 3 months since we broke up. If for example she did end up with this boy I don't think I could forgive that and be there for her as a genuine friend whilst that happened, different to if she remained single and was working on herself and was sincere with her reason of not wanting to be with someone and it not being an excuse of sorts. Only time will tell I guess and I'll know these answers without having to force myself in her life, that's something that's not natural. I'm back to school now so I'll be able to focus on work and such which will help. Thanks again.

Oh it's short for I don't really care...anyway, I've decided to avoid contact with her and as you say begin healing and start focusing on myself. I look at it that if she ever truly valued what we had she would then eventually come back to me rather than someone else...but is that expecting too much from her? Well, I'll just take it at one day at a time and maybe two months later from now when it's her sister's birthday drop her a short message of acknowledgement if I feel that's right for the time. Thanks for the help through this!

It's hard because I keep reading over what she put and it could be that she just doesn't want anything from anyone but that doesn't mean she won't accept it. She said well idrc when she could have flat out said she'd rather I didn't contact her if she really felt that way, maybe indifferent to it as she is to everything else. I had come up with something to say if I was to message her a week from now or whenever I did saying I'm sorry for bringing up the relationship talk before and I understand that you don't want anything and I'm fine being a friend if that's all you can handle. For me, closing contact with her completely would be shutting out the smallest possibility there is of there being a future for us if I was stick it out by remaining there as a friend. But then I know I'm probably tricking myself into the idea of this false hope and maybe I just can't let go and need to learn to...but then I think what do I lose by staying as a friend that I don't already by going NC...

So I asked her what it was all about and she said that her friend thought she was funny and I then asked specifically of the "lol at my life" and she said she didn't know, she didn't tell her to, saying her friend thought she was funny again. I then asked if she knew she wanted to break up before she went on holiday and after convincing her to tell me she said before and I then asked about whether she knew before she last saw me (which was the day before I left for my holiday) and she said slightly. I asked why she couldn't tell me that then and she said she thought she would be fine. Then I said what she would like me to do from now on as far as contacting goes and she said "well, idrc," I then said well I'm asking what you want now and she said she doesn't want anything. Whether that's from me specifically or anyone I don't know, I haven't replied to that. I had planned for this to be a final confrontation of sorts but it's turned out different...I don't know whether I should go into no contact completely now or still resume the messaging to once a week or so with no real expectations...it's confused me.

Thank you for the support. I've decided that I will text her tomorrow asking her what her friend's snapchat was about to initiate things and then based on her response ask her questions directly. Whether her answers hurt me more or not at least I'll known the honest truth and be able to move on without any false hope remaining.

So today her friend put on their snapchat story (which is pictures everyone friends with her can see) of her tagging it with "lol at mikes life" and then another two saying "I love BLAH BLAH" and "I am Mrs BLAH" (blah being the boy who was in her holiday pictures and who I know she's been texting since she got back and still is). They were only up for a couple of minutes until her friend took them down - whether that's because I'd seen it by then or my ex didn't want me to I don't know. This has basically confirmed that my suspicions of there being something there with the boy were right and now leads me to think that the reason she broke up with me when she got back from her holiday is because of him, saying she didn't want to be with someone right now not true if she's able to have feelings for someone else...I had previously planned to text her tomorrow and if I do I feel I need to confront her about this finally...

Ah well! I was wondering though when I should bring up possibly meeting her, obviously in a way that makes her feel no pressure to agree. Also, I should mention that she's the type that even if she did want to see me she'd wait for me to ask, I don't know why, it's always been me arranging things I guess even when everything was normal.

I've seen pictures tonight and it seems to be an all girls thing so that's most probably the reason. Plus with it being nearly 2 months since we've last seen each other wouldn't the first time being at a party not be the right occasion?

Hey! So the last few days I've been texting her after initating contact on the Monday and overall she's maintained good communication like before, ups and downs but mostly up which is why I remained in contact. We stopped this morning and that's fine with me. She's also hosting a party tonight (well, right now) which she told me about, at her own house which I find a bit soon seeing as it's only 2 months today since her sister passed. It's progress for us but I'm making sure not to delude myself. For now I'm not sure whether to message her tomorrow simply asking how the party was or to leave it a couple of days more, we'll see.