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Grief Healing Discussion Groups

Adampic

Contributor
  • Posts

    10
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  • Last visited

Previous Fields

  • Date of Death
    12/26/13
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    Na

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Male
  • Location (city, state)
    Pennsylvania
  1. This is very true. I spent much time putting our life together into a single (hidden) folder on my desktop. But I was still hanging on. This is what needs to happen to help me move on. I immediately sent her a email response when I read her conversation. It was not mean, but emotionally charged with anger and disappointment for sure. I didn't want to end it after all we been through on a negative note so I sent one last text to her, "I think my email reply was too emotionally charged. I was frazzled and had just woke up when I wrote it and my mind was spinning. I hope that some day you will be able to see me as a friend again. I'll still be there for you, just not the same way I was before. I'm sorry for your loss, I'm sorry for your grief. You still are a Wonder Woman, now go get back on your feet and develop the most loving relationship with yourself that you can." It still hurts, believe me it does! But I have to find a way to now store in a hidden folder all the memories in my mind (good and bad) that we shared. Until they don't affect me so much. Thank you all for being my support through this. It helps knowing that others have/are going through it too, knowing that someone cares and is listening, and of course the advise you give. It is a slow process for me to wake back up to my own life, one that has an uncertain future, after believing so strongly in the future envisioned with her.
  2. I'm starting to think my ex is not only grieving, but sick too. She blocked me on Facebook after a spam email sent out to all her contacts a conversation she had with her ex boyfriend who she has been very close to as a friend since they seperated. It was pretty sexual in context. I feel so used and unappreciated. A knife in my heart and gut is twisting with each additional act of rejection show does to me.
  3. Sorry for your loss and thank you for trying to comfort me. I miss the low of my life, the only thing is, I have been missing her for quite some time now. "Victim of circumstance" indeed. I don't know if I have hope for us anymore. Maybe when she is healed from her loss, she and I can have some kind of relationship. She truly for amaze me! And if I can't have a family with her maybe one day I can have a friend in her. We've been through a lot together and bonded very deeply, which she cannot quite feel for other reasons right now. She has too much going on in her life to make time for a relationship. Something had to give and I understand this. It was smooth up until today, but a very confusing email was sent to me that left me clouded.
  4. I am meeting up with my brothers next week and one of them is trying to set me up with a friend of his, she will be there that night. We never met before but I'm told she is a sweet girl, classy, and very pretty too. I'm a little vulnerable right now, it's been a pretty emotional year. I'm not really sure how to approach any new interactions with people right now. I agreed to go at least to spend time with my brothers, but am wondering if it is healthy for me to meet someone so quickly after my loss. I feel very exposed. Wondering if this can be a good thing or should I cancel?
  5. It's so very similar all the things you said. I feel like you were talking about me when you explained all the things you did for her when she was at her lowest and how she had more energy with friends, but not me. A bi thing with me is that I am very close friends with her sister an the kids. Her sister tells me that I am the closest thing her kids have to a father figure. And they love and have bonded to me tremendously.. Her son and my son have been very close since they were 6 months old, 6 years ago. Her brother-in-law was a close family friend, my brothers college roommate! His untimely passing shocked many people but he was battling depression and lost. My (ex)girlfriend has been battling depression caused by her grief and loss. Today I called her sobbing and left a message. I found out that a person close to me, my mothers friend who helped raise me, took his life last night. I still saw this man 3/week. I told her that it happened and I didn't know who to call and she was the first person to come to mind. This was 2 hours ago.. No response. I don't expect her to be there for me, but I was pretty upset earlier and automatically made the call.
  6. Thank you to both of you. I was reading through your thread Kayc and am impressed with your strength. Today has been tough for me, as I'm sure the morning will be for some time. I dream of her every night. I can't get over the feelings I have that make me want to be with her again. We too were talking about a future together forever, until her brother in law passed, then life stopped being about us and began being about her getting healthy(emotionally). Now I am alone and that future that I feel I invested in has disappeared. It is leaving me feel like love is not reliable and I will never be able to give myself like I did to her, fully and unconditionally, and thats not fair. I want her to get healthy, but I was hoping she could do it and still be in a relationship, even a watered down version of what we had until things started to get better. But she couldn't, for numerous reasons. I just can't put behind me that I wish for her to start contacting me and asking for my return to the relationship, but backed by her return as well! I am a strong believer in love and hope, just who I am because these have helped me through many struggles. So now my faith in love has been rattled because seeing her go from absolutely in love with me to needing to be alone makes me question the strength of love. So all I am left with is hope..Im not sure where to pint that hope yet, but so far it has been pointing at us getting back together. Maybe I should point it at me being okay with out her, but then I think, who wants to be "okay" I want to feel that love that I felt when we were together before her brother in law passed. Mornings are tough indeed!
  7. Like you said, I am grieving her, us. But We haven't been us for a while now. So even before this I was grieving us, she was too. She told me many times she grieves us too. The only difference to me with grieving someone who is still here and grieving someone who has passed is I still see hope in regaining that connection. It makes me still hang on, even if it's slightly. I understand that I have to focus on myself, which I am beginning to do especially with the start of my new job taking place next month. I lost my last job because I was very distracted at work. I was trying to balance the relationships and the emotions while everyone was going through their rough times. Moving forward I will continue with my life, but I have to say I'm still hoping she comes back.
  8. I am 28 years old. At the time I didn't drive, I do now. I was at her sisters house with her for three months after the passing of her brother-in-law and then when she went back home I could not follow. This is when the adrenaline of taking care of her sister and children were out her own grieving began. I had my responsibilities where I live and couldn't be there for her that week. But I was up there every Friday through Tuesday I was always checking in on her and sending her my love and my support and understanding in every way I could. There is nothing more I could've done. I gave everything I had and then some. I still want a relationship with her where both our hearts are invested. I can't say that I didn't see this slowly taking place. Because I was not blind to the disconnect, I just kind of hoped that I would be the one giving more in the relationship right now and as time went forward her heart would be able to be more involved.
  9. I need advice!!! She just left me. She said she can't handle a relationship with me anymore. And she is sorry for sending mixed messages the last time we were together, which was amazing.. She said that she has never been able to get over the fact that when she was grieving upon her return home from her sisters, I was unable to be there for her, even though she doesn't blame me for it because of the situation of not being able to drive and her living so far. But she said that instilled an anger deep inside of her that hurts her because she has such a disconnect now toward me. And we never had the ability to develop a normal relationship because of her brother in law passing away. She said that even if she wanted to be in a relationship with me she can't right now because it hurts too much. She said maybe she'll feel different in a year from now but she can't put her heart into it now and that's unfair for me and her. And she said in that time maybe I would have moved on or found someone else. She doesn't think it's the medicine, it's just the way she feels. She gave a few other reasons why she feels she can't put her heart into being with me. Then we wished each other well and said goodbye.
  10. My girlfriend of 2 years lost her brother in law 8 months ago and has had such a struggle with grieving him and what he left behind(her sister and children). My girlfriend idolized him. Beyond family, he was her hero and friend! His passing was untimely and very unfortunate. Since then she has been trying to work through the process of losing a loved one. She has had moments where she felt disconnected from me since this happened but was able to reconnect with her feelings. Lately, she has been having an extremely tough time with the grieving process and she has become almost cold and disinterested, with everyone, but me most. A few weeks ago she expressed that she is unable to give in a relationship and she feels that she has a lot to think about, so I give her space. I miss her something terrible. We talk on the phone a few times a week, and text everyday. I've read enough to know that she is now changed, that our lives and relationship is now changed, and everything is a slow process. But for me, not living together or being married, how do I give her space and still move forward in life with her? How do we get through this together? I have been pulling back my emotions so much that a gap is now being created between us. Her emotions are already pulled away, and it would not be healthy for me to over-extend my emotions to make up for her lack... I tried this before, it was smothering to her and emotionally draining for me. Please, help me find a way!
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