Soul man 82

This is one of the last songs I listened to with my exgf. I find sometimes that I need to cry but can't and when that happens I turn to this song. It's all about what it's like to loose someone and what you would do just to have one more day with them. The song is called Just One More Day and it's by Ottis Redding.

Well it's good that you were able to remain friends through everything.

I know I'm behind big time with all of the events that happens through this thread, and I hope I'm not to late to respond. kayc Im sorry you suffered so much with all of this, I know it wasn't easy. I think you showed so much strength through such a difficult time. I'm amazed at how strong you've been through all of this, and I commend you on your efforts to move forward, and not let him back in your life to hurt you. I hope one day I can be as strong as you, I truly look up to you. You are one of the only ones who has taken the time to help me withy situation, and for that I'm forever grateful. Thanks again.

I thought that might be why. Is that normal in these situations? And does that mean I'll never hear from her again. I just wish I knew she was ok.

Yes I suppose so. I sent her that card and also wished her a happy bday through text yesterday and didn't hear a peep back. I'm very surprised I didn't even get a thank you. Maybe she not ready to open the lines of communication with me? Maybe she hates that I reached out to her and said forget this guy? I pretty confused. I didn't bring up getting back together or anything in the card, I didn't ask any questions or act angry towards her.

That's certainly a strange thing to have happened. I know when my ex broke things off with me I unfriended on Facebook but it was only because I didn't wanna constantly see pics of here and updates to what she was doing. I needed to be clean and clear of anything to do with her so I could heal but I guess that's a different situation. I'd say she's probably embarrassed and made that decision so you wouldn't see any more messages.

Arbitrator I'm sorry to hear about how this girl has treated you, seems like she's got some demons she's wrestling and it's causing her to make some bad decisions. I hope your search for a new girl goes well! just keep in mind sometimes you need to let her find you, you can never rush this. As for your girlfriend acting the way she did, I certainly wouldn't blame the ADHD as it has nothing to do her breaking things off with you. I myself have ADHD and would never dream of doing the things this girl has done. "Attention deficit hyperactive disorder" as they call it is about having a mind that thinks too much, it races which often makes it hard to concentrate, and on top of that you have the hyper activity. It's not a sickness it's just a different brain function. We all have different traits that make us who we are. I myself have a huge heart, I help those in need, will help a turtle cross the road on the way to the cottage, or pick up money someone dropped and give it back but that's just because I'm me. Some people are just plain cruel, abuse animals, steal, abuse others, and that's a part of their human trait. I hope this helps your understanding that it was probably the grief that caused your breakup. I couldn't tell you why she acted the way she did after the fact tho. I wish you luck my friend

Thanks Adampic. I can relate to what your going through with the confusion and mixed messages. I feel like even our exgfs were searching for the answers because they truly didn't know why they felt the way they did. I think it all comes down to grief response and how it changes their whole mindset, almost like they've been hijacked, and the grief is in control making the decisions for them. I know it wasn't my ex talking when the grief/depression really started to set in. My ex told me she would probably regret her decision later but felt this was what she needed to do, and that I was the best guy she's ever met. I remember her friends telling her shed really found a catch and not to screw it up. Her son even told her that he was happy she had someone like me in her life as he was leaving to go live with his dad because he could see how much I cared. In the end it didn't change a thing, she was in serious grief mode and pushed me away, questioning what she felt for me. In the end I know I tried, and although it's tough I'm gonna move on with my life without taking this too personally. It wasn't me or her, it was the grief that killed everything.

Sorry to hear this is happening to you adampic. I hope you can find comfort in the fact that your not alone, and that there's a bunch of us on here who've been through similar things. I myself am going through a grieving process right now. My gf and I talked of the future, were romantic, very attracted to one another, and most importantly felt a strong bond, but in the end it didn't matter. She broke things off with me 13 days ago. I did everything I could to help her through this but in the end she told me her feelings had changed and she didn't feel the same about me anymore. I think it's best to see you and your girlfriend as victims of circumstance, nothing more. I myself went through a depression a while back that lasted a few years when I lost three people in my life in a span of two weeks. One was my friend Al who died in a car accident, then my friend Melissa who died of cancer, and then my grandfather who passed in his sleep. I was in my early 20s when this happened and I was with this amazing girl who would have done anything for me, and supported me the best she could, but all I did was isolate myself and push her away. Only difference with me was I didn't break things off with this her, I just couldn't give her the attention she deserved. She ended things with me and once I was all healed I saw all the damage I had done. I just couldn't snap out of it when I was grieving and depressed. I hope that things turn out for you and your gf. Maybe it's best to move forward with your life but to let her know you care and maybe you will meet again in the future. I don't think it's about the relationship but rather what the persons going through and them making it through it.

Thanks for the reply. I agree with you 100 percent on her probably feeling bad for breaking my heart and I didn't want that to be another thing making her feel guilty so I did something that many have said not to do, I sent her a card of encouragement. It said that I had no hard feelings and understood why things happened the way they did. That I cared for her and wished her the best for the future, and that if she ever wanted to catch up in the future my phone was open. Some would say that I have given all the power to her through this letter but I wanted things to end on a more positive note. This also let her know I wasn't mad and hopefully unburdened her from most of the guilt she might have felt. It just didn't feel right with how I left things with her, I felt like i cut her out of my life because she didn't wanna be with me but in essence, I should have been more kind and understanding of the situation. My only regret is I know there were certain ways that I pressured her through all of this and that was mainly because of how how worried I was. I gave her plenty of space and didn't text her unless she texted me 95% of the time but during the last week of our relationship, after her son had left and had received some very emotional messages I texted more often with jokes trying to cheer her up which didn't seem to work. We had this problem with our phones as well, and sometimes her texts wouldn't make it through to me so I'd asked a few times if she responded to my texts because I hadn't received anything back. If we didn't have that problem I never would have asked. Stupid s*** that probably put more pressure on her through a very difficult time.

Thanks for your reply kayc, I appreciate the feedback. I'm sorry that there's so many of us in this club but I'm comforted by the fact that I'm not alone, and we can all work together to heal. It's been pretty tough for me because it's been so long since I felt such a strong bond/connection with someone, she took my breath away. Not to mention it's like I'll never get to know what we could have been, we never got the chance. This girl brought a romantic side out of me that I thought was gone forever. I tried so hard to make it easier on her and her daughter while the son was leaving. In the end I just want her to be happy, and if removing myself from the equation will do that then it's okay, she's going through such a bad time, and I can't fault her for anything she decides to do. Maybe this was just adding pressure to her life at a really bad time and no matter how good of a bf I was she needed time to focus on healing without being with someone. She's such a beautiful person and I'll never forget the time we spent together. I find myself becoming pretty emotional while watching movies with sad parts and I sometimes can't believe I'll never see her again but I guess that's the chance you take when you fall for someone. I also find it hard to work out which is something I usually do religiously. I guess it's just gonna take some time to digest things. Thanks again.

Hey everyone I know there's plenty of grief breakup stuff on here already but I figure I could use some advice on my situation. My gf met three months ago and really hit it off. We felt like we had known each other for so much longer, felt a strong attraction to one another, and had many things in common. When we were a few weeks into the relationship she learned of her sons wishes to go live half way around the world with his dad. She was very sad to hear this but wanted him to be happy and agreed to let him go. As the relationship went on things were still really good between us but she often spoke about how this was tearing her up inside. I did everything I could to help her through this, bought her flowers, got her daughter her favourite toy for when they broke the news to her, I really tried to make things a bit better. About two months into the relationship she had a big blow out with her sons father and while at work texted me that she needed space to be with her son as he was leaving in a week. She also said she was confused about her feelings, and wanted to wait until after he left to see how she felt about things. Also in that text she told me that I was the best guy she ever met, and it had nothing to do with me but that she found it hard to be with me because things had moved so fast, I felt so much, and she wasn't sure if she would feel the same way after he was gone. I asked her if she was breaking up with me and she said no but at the same time she didn't feel this was fair to me. She said she wished he wasn't going away, maybe things would be different if we had met a few months sooner, and she was confused about what to do. She also said she didn't wanna start off a relationship this way because she was struggling so bad with the thought of her son leaving. My response was i understand this is very hard, I didn't want to burden her, and if she wanted I would walk away. She said she didn't want me to do that. I agreed to give her her space but she kept texting and calling me lots afterwards telling me that this wouldn't be forever, that she really cared about me and we would see each other soon enough. As the last month went by things seemed fine. Once the day came when he left she told me that she was crying a lot and had to hide from her daughter because she couldn't keep it together. I tied to be supportive and said I'd be there for her no matter what, and if she needed to talk I'd listen. From that point on she became very distant, just going out with friends and trying to stay away from the house. I figured this was a good thing as her daughter was gone for a while with her dad, and I knew that staying at the house would just be a reminder of her son being gone. After a week of very low contact I decided I would ask her if things were ok between us. The next day I got a response that we needed to talk. She ended up giving me a phone call saying she didn't feel the same anymore, that i didn't do anything wrong, and was the best guy she ever met. She went on to say that she would probably regret this later but for now it was for the best, and also said maybe we could hook up in the future. My response was that I wished her the best, had a great time with her, and hoped she found what she was looking for. I wondering does this sound like it was the grief of her son leaving that caused her to end things? I know that through grief some people push away their loved ones and get confused about how they feel about things. I'm a bit confused and I wonder if what I said closed the door if she decided she wanted me back after she was done grieving? Sorry for the novel.