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R.Everit55

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Everything posted by R.Everit55

  1. It blows my mind that it's been 26 months since my princess of a wife was taken And it blows my mind how many babies my son and dil have lost in the time. And my heart is blown that the one baby girl they did bring to life survived surpassing all negative odds. And she's thriving as a one year old walking and trying to run and talk. I'm in a deep depression right now. Trying to take it one one at a time thanks for listening again. Peace and love to you all. Thank you for all your prayers. My son and dil are ten week three days along in this pregnancy. So far so good. Butch ❤️
  2. Noah is struggling to communicate with us. And sadly that won't change. But he knows how much we all love him. He's full of hugs. His right side is still immobile which also won't change. Gracie finally got two bottom teeth. She loves loving on her big brother Noah and he loves it. Katie and Allen are expecting another baby. In October. They've lost a lot but believe the good lord will be by their side. We just got 20 inches of snow and it's getting to minus ten degrees at night. More snow tonight and Sunday and Monday. I miss my Mary more than words. Butch
  3. Thank you everyone for your thoughts and prayers for Noah and our family. Here are some pics of Gracie.
  4. I've been alone for a couple days. The grands are back with Allen and Katie. I feel so alone. Or lonely. I don't know the difference. I keep talking to my Mary. As though she can hear me. I don't know if I can do this anymore. I don't want to. I want to be with her. I take care of our family. I love it. But I don't want to do it without her. I'd rather be with her. I keep praying for time. Time that was stolen from her and us. I know I will never get any more time. It's over. Our dance is over. But I keep praying anyways. I've got to be crazy. I listen for her. I feel like I'm deaf because I never get any answer from her. I'm sleeping about five hours a night. But that is not peace. It's full of my bride in my dreams. So there is no where I can find peace. It's been 24 months 9 days. I can't take anymore time without her. I know I have no choice. I always wondered what hell is like. This is it. This. ?
  5. Thank you all again for all your support and prayers i made it through the two year anniversary of Mary's death. But I'm not sleeping. The pain is horrible. Kay asked if I had anti anxiety or sleeping pills. I do but I don't dare take them while Gracie is here in my care. She's up several times in the night from continuing teething but no teeth yet. Noah is home with Allen and Katie and they have a round the clock nurse. He's continuing to have seizures but is on medication. They are coming a little less frequently. He's doing great with speech therapy and starts more physical and occupational therapy next week. He's more asleep then not. I guess that's healing. Heres Gracie in a kitchen sink bath she loves Still no teeth but her hair is growing fast now She's my favorite girl Butch
  6. Last night was grueling And painful. I lit a candle and 11:00 came the time we pulled Mary off the ventilator and I remembered my hand was on her heart my head touching hers looking in her eyes telling her it was ok her fight was over she was done she did so well just perfectly. I promised I would be the strong one now and take care of the our son and dil and grandsons. My heart broke yet again last night at 11;15 that was the time her heart stopped beating against my hand and she was gone. ?
  7. Thank you all so much. Tonight at 11 is two yrs since we took my bride off life support and at 11:15 she flew to heaven. I'm busy with Gracie and she's a handful of teething but still no teeth. My heart is heavy.
  8. A few hour ago Noah suffered a brain aneurysm. Drs say it's par for the course with a traumatic brain injury. So this is a set back. Sadly. He's back in ICU. Just wanted to update. This is very hard. Especially with Jan 9th coming two years since my Mary died. I want some normalcy. I'm doing my best trying to keep normalcy for my other two grandchildren. It's tiring for sure.
  9. Noah is saying brother, Gracie, Momma, and Dad. He's still having some seizures. He's getting speech and physical therapy daily. I'm still caring for Caleb and Gracie. We had Christmas morning and then spent it with Noah in his hospital room. Gracie walked clear across the room today. She's was so proud of herself. I'm struggling. As the 9th will be two years since my beautiful bride went to heaven. It's really weighing on me. But I have to be ok for the kids and grandkids. Allen is clocking some hours at work. Katie is staying with Noah. They are trying to set up therapy for home and a nurse to help out. I wish my Mary was here. My heart hurts... Butch.
  10. Hi. Thanks everyone Noah just woke up today. He's awake off and on. But cannot speak. He seems to understand simple things. He blinks once for yes and twice for no. One side of his body he can't move. So he's going to have to go through tons of therapy to learn to speak again if that's possible and to get that side of his body mobile again. We're all thankful he's alive. Hopefully he won't have anymore life threatening set backs as he's been having. Ive been watching Caleb and Gracie. Katie won't leave the hospital at all. Allen has to clock some time at work then back to hospital. So I've been playing mom dad and Grampy. Gracie is teething majorly. But no teeth yet she's pretty much inconsolable to where I have to be holding her or rocking her or having her sleep with me. Caleb had been back to school but is so very worried for his big brother. When Noah is moved out of ICU into a regular room then Caleb can see him. I'm exhausted.
  11. Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers. I apologize for not updating sooner. I'm busy taking care of Caleb and Gracie while Allen and Katie are at the hospital with Noah. Noah still has brain activity but is not waking up. They don't know when he will. He's still on a ventilator. This is heartbreaking day in day out. Caleb is so upset. He's not been to school. He's going to try to go today even if he doesn't make it the entire day. He can't go see Noah as no kids are allowed in ICU. Again thank you so very much for your prayers and kind words. Butch ❤️
  12. Thank you all from all of our hearts here. Your prayers mean everything. Noah is still in serious condition. I'm with Gracie and Caleb. Caleb can't see his big brother as he's not allowed in ICU. He's having a tough time without Noah. Heres a happy pic of Gracie.
  13. Sadly Katie could not be discharged as she is actively having suicidal thoughts. The kids and I are having a pizza ice cream movie and game day.
  14. P.S. We are going to do pizza and game night on thanksgiving as the boys don't want to do thanksgiving without their mom. So we will do what they are requesting.
  15. Gracie sleeping on a walk and eating spaghetti noodles. And all smiley and pretty in pink. And the boys with the pumpkins still out. Katie is still in rough shape. She's admittedly having suicidal ideations. ?. She has three living children she needs to live for. I'm not a mother who lost three children but I'm a father who lost two babies and a Grampy who lost three grand babies. I'm not judging her in the least. We just need to get her to choose life and the lives of Noah Caleb and Gracie. We may not have a thanksgiving should she not come home by then. The boys said they don't want one without mommy. It breaks my heart that the boys have to deal with this. Gracie doesn't get it and she is happy with the rest of us but I know she looks for mommy at times.
  16. Allen took Katie to the hospital because she was doing nothing but laying in bed not moving not responding to the kids. So she's in the psych unit. She's reached a breaking point after losing the twins and then this baby. Losing Lily and Lila and now Joseph is too much So Allen has the boys and I've taken Gracie as she does perfectly when she's alone with me. She's not looking for mommy. So I'm loving my time with my favorite girl. She loves it. I tell her stories at bedtime of her Grammy Mary because I want her to know her Grammy somehow. She listens and she smiles and babbles back. She snuggles in with me.
  17. Thank you all so much. Katie had the procedure today. Allen is taking her away for a few days when she gets discharged. I have the boys and Gracie. My grief I'm trying to put aside to be there for Allen and Katie and the kids. But my heart is broken for them. We've all lost so much. I just wanted to come here to thank you from all of our hearts.
  18. Tonight is 22 months since Mary lost her battle. However that's not what's weighing so heavily right now. I think I've mentioned that my son and dil were expecting a baby boy, Joseph Ryan, come spring. Yesterday they had an 18week 3day check. Sadly there was no heartbeat anymore. Katie was given meds to induce a miscarriage and is having a d&e. They held tight to their two boys and Gracie last night. And they will not be trying for anymore children. This is their third list baby following losing Lily and Lila when they were born much too soon. Thank hod they had Grace in between. My only question is why. My heart is broken. For them. Little Joseph Ryan is in the arms of his Grammy Mary in heaven. Tonight is a hard night. So many memories of Mary before she passed. And now so many hopes and dreams for another grandson gone. Please keep Allen and Katie in your prayers Thank you Butch.
  19. Chicken for dinner Gracie was being finicky so she hid hers on her head for a smile to everyone
  20. Again here I sit reliving the last two days 22 months ago of my beautiful wife's life. ALS stole everything from her. I think she was ready to go be with our Lord but I would ask her that and ask her to blink once for yes or twice for no and she always answered no. But I believe she was waiting for me to tell her it's okay that she go. And when I did that on Jan 9th 2015 she surrendered the little strength she had left. She was my brave beautiful hero. Thru it all. But here I sit in tears yet again. Just wanting one more day. One more hour. One more minute. One more day before ALS slowly stole everything from her.
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