mkroberts16

Hi, I am Marcia I am under "lost my border terrier" I was reading your messages and I KNOW how you are feeling...it's awful, I know. I just lost my sweet girl of over 16 years, on Labor Day... Keep talking w/ us.......its very helpful.....

I came in the house tonight and thought so hard about Bailey. That this is the first Christmas in 16 years w/o her! OMG that's a long time. I always knew she was there...I am telling you...she felt like a person in my life...her stocking is still hanging in the living room...Now I have added Bourbon's. I don't know, I don't think I am doing well. I am still seeing grief counselor we talk of way more than just losing Bailey...many others as well. I just don't feel peaceful.

Hi Kay, I appreciate you sharing your life story w/ me....mine is pretty similar but only married once...but alot of other likenesses, for sure! My birthday is January 16th .... Capricorn.... You osund like a survivor and thats' what many people have called me!! My Grandmother was my ideal survisor, she passed away at 104 and lived on her own for many years her husband died in his forties, suddenly, also so she raised 5 kids, buried all of them , then left this world for a better place after all of that.... When is YOUR birthday???

You know, I think of the other dogs I have had, like the 3 I had w/ my husband, and when they each left me..it brought so much back. I miss them and think of those "good" days....but something about Ms.Bailey that she tugs so much at my heart strings and emotions. I still say some of it is because I am older now and ALONE.....Bailey filled such a void in my life after loosing break up w/ log time boyfriend, losing my car after it died and I had to wait for a while to get another one...and then the ultimate loss: Bailey As I look back at my life....evrything / everyone has left. (when I suddenly lost my husband , my mom was there for me all of the way!!!! and I was only 31.)lost family, good jobs, house, then condo, etc OMG it's over whelming to consider!!!And of course, the holiday season does NOT help. This has always been my most favorite time of the year, bar none!!!!!!!! But again, I lost my husband and my mom both around the holidays and my birthday, too. Bourbon is a bundle of energy and I know that is scaring cat. Even wehn B. is in the crate...kitty still afraid...

Kitty has come into the kitchen..only to jump out and over the gate after Bourbon tried to go next to her.....that was today....It's a little better but kitty is afraid of Bourbon's crys of excitment. I still look at the corner in the kitchen where Bailey was sleeping last.....OMG she comes into my thoughts ans I stop whatever I am doing...I hope I have done the right thing.......I loved her so much I would never hurt her or turn my back on her....I do cry for her...... In many ways, Bourbon acts a lot like Bailey.... and I understand it.....Border Terriers are a special group!

Thanks, Anne..I took alot of grief leading up to this for the last 3 months. I cry still over losing my BEST friend, Bailey....I look for her in her spot in the kitchen But I had to get another fur baby K9 to love and care for, in addition to my fur ball kitty

Do you like my first sweater?

Thank you Mary and Kay....I appreciate your supportive words, espcially because so many have not supported in this loss of Bailey and new pet, Bourbon. I know as soon as I take him out to walk around the neighborhood, 2 of my so-called friends who no longer talk to me over this, (and we have been friends 20 years) will see me and There will be comments, or even more hurtful, NO interaction at all!. Anyway, today is just settling in....I have cried and smiled both Little Bourbon is asleep My cat not too happy /////stayng under the bed since last night I keep praying for guidence and strength....and wait to get HERE for your support!!! Thank you so much....I will try to get a better picture...

home.bmphome.bmp Bourbon is home! went last night because of coming snowstorm. Velvet, my cat under bed..not liking this I cried and smiled going to pick him up and the same, leaving breeders with him and remembering the day I did the same with Bailey at the same spot. its hard, but feels good to cuddle Bourbon...he is so darn cute Its a double edged sword!!! Hope you can see the picturehome.bmp

Due to the snow coming to CT..I am picking Bourbon up tomorrow afternoon...I am nervous, excited and sad all at the same time these last 3 months have been more than I bargained for. saw grief counselor tonight she says all I am feeling is NORMAL I can't wrap my head around all of this!!!!

Thank you both for the kind, caring wishes. Tears in my eyes as I write this. You all are SO caring and understanding......yes..pictures will be coming Yes, I am so lucky to know breeder, Liz. She is a special lady. I may have to pick up pup on Tuesday as we are supposed to be getting 5-10 inches of snow on starting on Wed morning in CT!!!! I may have to change plans!! I will keep you posted. Again, THANK YOU for being so wonderful to me!!

It will be an experience! I am realizing how much I do need this....read some good articles this week on pets and guilt when they pass..... I will say being with the breeder, around her home, with all of her dogs, etc makes me feel more comfortable than I have been w/ any other people....I feel Bailey there, too, because the breeder knows Bailey from birth. I am so happy I have stayed in touch w/ her thru these last 16 years! I always sent her pictures, and every Christmas we sent Border Terrier Christmas cards to her!!! She is a wonderful lady. She is even loaning me a crate for Bourbon until he gets older.And Friday she said I have an open invitation to her home, especially if I have to go out of town and Bourbon needs to stay somewhere!!! This is what a real friend should be...not the those who said they were my friends around me . I am glad to have 5 days off after Wed, to make sure everyone settles in ok!!! OMG Thank you for your good wishes. (By the way, I am still seeing a grief counselor, who is wonderful)

bourbon 11.21.14.bmp This is me and Bourbon yesterday, at breeders home. I will be bringing him home on Wed.

I feel as you do....I hope you will be ok?? able to get treatment?? It seems people forget the time when we have helped them. The person being the meanest to me recently had surgery and no matter how I felt losing Bailey..I went over there to see how she was doing, brought her flowers one time and food another..and sent her several get well messages !!!! And this is what I get for wanting another sweet dog to love and care for?/ more than people care for me? Anyone who really knows and cares for me knows how important it is that I have a sweet loving, accepting "someone" to love me back.................I can't buy a new boyfriend, or good real honest friends,, but I can buy a sweet loving furbaby to love and be w/ me

Had a phone cal this morning form breeder. It seems the pup she picked for me is a bit aloof / shy.So she called to say that I should come up this week to meet the 3 remaining boys and see which one is love at first sight. She said the one she wants to show may not "be my soulmate" and she wants him to be that for me! I am going up on Friday, she lives almost an hour from here. She is not going to tell me which one she picked byt wants to see how we all interact. (but because she wants to show one of them, I think I will know which one is the "best speciman" of the breed.) But you know, that was so caring of her to call and tell me and offer me the opportunity to get the right "man" . I am glad to know there are still some people who can care and aren't upset w/ me that I am getting another dog to love. (Not one of my so-called friends has called to ask how I am doing, how the plans are going for new pup to come home, or anything!) or HOW I am feeling! I have sure learned that my so-called LONG time friends are not that! Do I sound angry?? yes, I am!

Yes....I will try that. Still have alot ot trouble using the "d" word and Bailey in the same sentence. Tears in my eyes right now! Yes..Bourbon is a new page in a HUGE chapter....no I can't replace Bailey..don't intend to... Yes Bourbon will add to my life...I will possibly meet new people who are "nice" , my breeder is going to show him, so I will meet new friends there, I hope.....and Bailey was always a "conversation" starter wherever we were together, so Bourbon will be to too, I hope.

There are days when Bailey is on my mind minute to minute....I am still unsure of how I am feeling...nothing is falling into place in my head! I have 2 weeks to get it together OMG

Yes...I will try to think of it that way...you are correct.....I dont' want to hurt Baileys legacy, yet I want to give Bourbon the same opportunity to a very good life................... Thank you...Marcia

Yes..that same reasoning goes along with continually getting new pets after we lose one and go thru such awful pain. again and again. But I want to say, it is 2 weeks until I bring my new boy home and I am nervious, worried, and guilty., and exciting... Yes I have moments of excitement when I look at his picture then I come home to my apt and see Bailey lying there....especailly that last weekend..OMG..my stomach sinks............................... And yet, I want to feel better, lighter, happier, and stop worrying....but then am I being unresponsible and selfish?? I analyize everthing so a bad habit...................... My first Christmas w/o Bailey..when I think of that..my heart sinks...OMG I am still a mess

Thank You....I am still floundering...every hour......I can't stop my mind from racing thru everything for a "perfect solution".. I worry alot, and analyize alot.... I miss her so darn much especially when I walk by her spot in the kitchen, or when I am driving around places she and I went all of the time in the car or to walk...... I am so darn uncertain right now about everything.........Bailey was my rock ..more than even my long time boyfriend who is now out of my life.........

Thank you Kay & Marty.. I am still so conflicted..never had this feeling with other dogs I have lost,,they hurt but not like this Yes it is HARD work...I wake up feeling so tired about trying to resolve this..put the feelings all in a compartment!! LOL I still think it's because I treated and thought of Bailey as a "human" companion.....I really did! for whatever reasons that's what I did and lived w/ her for over 16 years...... And when my husband was killed, I was the same way for over 5 years!!!! This is hard, even thou' some some -called friends think I should be over the loss of sweet Bailey by now..... This is so all over the place............... Thank you for being caring and compassionate it's important and appreciated Marcia.......Bailey's mom and soon to be Bourbon's mom....

You know, I have so many ups and downs over Bailey and the new pup on the way...and sometimes,,, the feelings are really drastic,,like not going forward w/ plan for new furbaby...these feelings usually hit me when I come home from work at night, or when or I must pass thru kitchen, where Bailey spent most of her time lately......It's alarming, because these feelings are so intense. I sometimes am so excited about welcoming and hugging Bourbon, and then seeing all the places in the apt..where Bailey used to be, I could just break down and curl up into a ball.. It is so confusing and changing..makes me feel like I have gone "off the deep end" without my sweet Bailey I want to feel happy again..but also want to give Bailey the thoughts and love she so deserves. This is HARD work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Boys in the bath!

Oh, I so relate to how you feel! You are in a good forum..we all care and feel deeply This forum is continuing to help me after I lost my beloved companion on Labor Day Please stay w/ us..."we get it" Marcia. .Bailey's Mom and Bourbon's new MOM

Thank you both for positve reactions!!! I think Bailey and the breeder of both Bailey and Bourbon are guiding this whole plan for me. Breeder was wonderful to me 16 years ago and she is still being awesome to me now with this new plan of giving me HER pick of litter I am so honored There is another couple getting a sibling of Bourbon's who had a sibling of Bailey that they just lost as well. Maybe I will meet them.There is kind of a family line going on here!! It feels so good with some people being nice to me!!! Thank you!