maria53577

Kacy, I find great comfort in your response. The shock is just overwhelming.. I agree that is the worst of this. I just expected I would be bringing home with us, alive. He knew we were right there until the end. His big eyes watched me as I talked to him or moved. I am struggling with I should have known this.. I should have been more plugged into this, somehow.. this little one trusted me from the beginning and I feel as though I failed him I find some comfort knowing that you have dealt with heart failure and sometimes it can be managed and other times not. He was loved beyond anything he could have ever imagined.

Hi, I am really struggling. 24 hrs ago we laid our little guy Teddy to rest. My husband and I adopt senior dogs. We obviously know by doing so, our dogs are not with us for the length we would like them to be.. but they come from puppy mills and kills shelters and it gives us pure joy to see them blossom into loving pets. We feel the love we give them in this short amount of time outweighs the pain for us in the end. Knowing that they were loved right thru the end is the gift we can give them We adopted Teddy 14 months ago with another guy (we had 5 seniors dogs, now 4) Teddy was a happy, shy guy. Beyond adorable and trusted me so much. On Friday he was fine. We went on a car ride and ran errands. Saturday morning he started wheezing and breathing heavily and wasn't finding relief. We took him the ER. They ran x-rays and found out he was in heart failure. At this time, we still had hope. They put him on meds. We spent the night with him. Around 3:30 a.m. yesterday they noticed he just wasn't getting better. He passed away in our arms around 5:15. I feel like I failed him. The images of him passing are burned in my head and I also feel as though I should have seen this coming.. how did I miss this? This morning is so hard with our routines with feeding. Please help me get thru this awful shock and grief. It's debilitating. Teddy would have been 13 this Friday.

Hey ChinUp, thank you. I appreciate hearing how your mom's wedding played out. I care about my dad a lot and I agree, I would rather him be happy than grieving. Prior to him dating this woman, he was living at my house for months.. and honestly as much as I liked having him there.. we got on each others nerves too! He couldn't continue to live at my house and him having his own life is what is needed. I feel much, much better knowing others have had their own unique experiences with this. And setting boundaries is a HUGE task for me to do but also a much needed thing I need to do for myself. I don't know at this point if I can tell my dad I don't want to participate in their wedding.. I would feel as though I am letting him down on some level. I will be able though, to set boundaries in other areas. Thank you for reminding me that it's ok to do so!

Wow! The article on remarrying is great. Thank you again!

Thank you both for taking the time to write. I agree, I can't just skip it and I wouldn't do that. I don't want him to feel bad.. I just wish he understood where I was coming from with this (wouldn't it be nice if he could read my mind? ) and I also feel trapped into having to participate in the ceremony. I feel as though I will be letting him down if I tell him I feel uncomfortable.. even though I already told him I felt uncomfortable a couple months ago. He told me his girlfriend's kids didn't want to participate so then told me I would have to.. so now I feel stuck in something I just want to be a spectator at. I know I will get thru this and agree it's his life, etc.. it's just one of those things in life you just get thru. Thank you again! and I will be reading the article next!

Hi guys, I really need your help/advice/support. My dad is getting married next month (he's 71). My mom passed away 2.5 years ago. He proposed to his girlfriend on Mother's Day last year. I was supportive of him dating. They were dating about 8 months when he told me he was going to ask her to marry him. It felt somewhat uncomfortable but I still supported him. We are a month out from the wedding and it was become quite the big event. He is having a traditional church wedding, with 260 people invited. He is getting married where him and my mom were married. It's disorganized and rushed. There are so many layers with this. I feel uncomfortable about all of it. When he talks about the details, I feel sick to my stomach. He's pushing for my siblings and I to meet her kids and hang out. I had told him a few months ago, that I support him but that I didn't feel comfortable participating in the ceremony, etc. He told me last week that I WOULD be participating in the ceremony. I really do support and respect my dad but I just don't want to participate in this. It feels disloyal to my mom and he's caught up in this whirlwind wedding. I feel uncomfortable. What can I do to get through this? How should I act? Is there something I can say or am I supposed to just put on a happy face and get thru it? I care about my dad and don't want him to think I am not supporting him. Just b/c he has moved on, doesn't mean others have. Any thoughts on this would be so appreciated. Thank you

HI, I lost my mom to alcoholism June 2014. I can relate to your story somewhat. My mom battled addiction for 20+ years. All of my siblings lived close but all of them would sit on the sidelines. I stayed connected to both my parents. My dad would lean on me for support b/c her addiction made her impossible to deal with.. so I would listen. My mom would frustrate me b/c she was an alcoholic but also stubborn.. and when I would go to her offering support, ultimatums, etc, she wouldn't listen. I would talk to my siblings about us needing to do something and while they all agreed, no one would step up. My mom died quickly. She developed jaundice and was gone in 2 days.. but I feel for years she was dying in front of all of us.. addiction is possibly different than anemia. My mom didn't want help but I am guessing your mom did.. and she looked to your brother for support. It's a huge role for him to take on but when your mom needed him most, at the end, he didn't show up. I get your frustrations. I feel the same way with my family.. everyone just sat on the bleachers. I also understand that just b/c you or I would do something one way doesn't mean that someone else does. Your story is heartbreaking and frustrating.. try to find peace with everything you did to help in your heart. Your brother/sister will have to face that within themselves.. and they may never. Know that you did the best you could. I'm so sorry about the loss of your mom!

lattiee, thanks for the note. I'm experiencing this same thing with my siblings.. I have 2 brothers and 1 sister. My sister and I are close, but not my brothers.. and it's getting worse. My dad is like your mom too, he's so family-oriented but can see that they is division with his family but ignores it. I do wonder if my dad is seeking out companionship b/c he's lonely. He will call me on and off and tell me how sad he is about the loss of my mom. I often wonder if him getting married so quickly is just a deflection of his feelings.

It's very comforting, on some level listening to your stories. My mom died from alcoholism.. and for years it was stressful, heartbreaking and stressful.. but it was the one issue that, on some level, kept our family tied. Now that she is gone, I see so many cracks (more than ever). As dysfunctional as it was, her addiction in some strange way, tied us together. Now it seems to have fallen apart. I've spent a lot of my life trying to keep everyone together (middle child) but it's gotten to the point where no one cares.. but I'm over here stressing about it. So both ChinUp54 and kayC stories resinate with me.. it gives me comfort and strength and almost an 'okay' to simply take care of myself I appreciate you sharing your stories with me. It has helped a ton

Marty, thank you for the article. It was very insightful and I could relate to it very much. ChinUp54! You get this It's almost like you heard the conversation between my sister and I tonight.. I told her, 'I need to just start doing things that make me feel good' .. and that means surrounding myself on holidays with people I love and cherish. I love my dad dearly but he's doing his own thing on his own. And I am planning on doing something special for my mom's birthday! Thank you for the suggestion. I am sorry your mom left you out of her wedding.. I can imagine being very hurt as well. I think my dad is rushing things so much to fill a void.. but I don't know if he even realizes it. I keep thinking, he's moving on but I am still grieving over the loss of a parent. Ok, thank you so much for your kind words and have a wonderful holiday as well!

hi, I had posted on this site previously after my mom died (6-27-2014).. since then I feel as though my family has fallen apart somewhat. My dad started to date about 8 months after my mom passed. My siblings were all ok with this.. some more than others, but we were ok. They got engaged this past Mother's Day (not very timely) and are rushing to the alter. I'm torn between wanting to be happy for him but there is an overwhelming feeling of not being ok with it. Every weekend is spent with his fiance. Holidays are now always spent with her and her family. He gushes about all of their wedding details but in all honesty I just want him to not talk about it. My mom's bday is thanksgiving this year and he barely remembered it and will be doing something with his fiance, of course. I swear I am not a bratty kid I truly want my dad happy. I realize it's NOT about me at all.. but why does it sting so much?

That might be a good idea I will suggest this to my dad.. I would think that would ease some anxieties.. thank you!

hi, it's been a while since I have been on this site. My mom passed away from alcoholism on June 27, 2014. I will be getting married in 2 weeks.. my dad started seeing someone a few months back, which I am very happy he is doing this. I have met her once and she seems nice. He wants to being her to my wedding.. which will be held at our house. No one else will have met her prior to this.. my sister is feeling emotional about it (she lives in Seattle).. I am not certain how to handle it.. she wants him to be happy but fears it will feel weird seeing my dad with someone other than her mom. I respect both sides of it but am not certain how to handle it.. any advice would be greatly appreciated.

hi, as a few of you may know my mom passed away last year on June 27 from alcoholism. This year, Mother's Day is also my dad's birthday.. as this day has been approaching, it's been weighing on him and myself heavily.. I am so concerned for his emotional state on this day.. I have been filled with worry about how the day will go.. I never stopped to think about my own emotional state.. Last night as my fiance and I were driving, I was looking at my Facebook feed.. as friends filled it with posts honoring their mothers.. I started to break down.. it never dawned on me that I would be affected, which doesn't even seem possible.. I was thinking so heavily about my dad that I wasn't concerned with myself. A flood of emotion came over me as I thought about last year at this time, realizing that she would only be on this earth a little over a month and then be gone. Truly I am doing good.. I have great support and have been able to keep my spirit afloat. I want to share my sympathy with others mourning a Mother's Day without their Mom this year. Hugs to all of you.

hi, I am so sorry for your loss. I agree, grief is so very individual. I lost my mom June last yr. I too have 3 other siblings and each has mourned in their own way. I will sometimes question how they can continue to move forward like they do.. but some times people just feel things more than someone else.. I think in my situation, one of my siblings chooses to not grieve and keep moving on.. it's a coping mechanism. I also understand that horrible feeling of shock and how did this happen? Or did this really happen? I can tell you it will get better, it will never go away but eventually you will start healing. I have a thought about my mom every single day. I keep her memory in my heart. I can hear her voice in my head I hope you find peace and know that this is your grief and it will be individual to you alone. I think grief shows us who we really are.. hugs to you

My deepest sympathy for the loss of your dad. This is a great site for support. Hugs.

Marissa, I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your mom.. my mom passed away June of last year (63).. In the weeks that followed, I went about doing my 'regular' activities and appeared to 'look ok' on the outside.. I too had noticed myself feeling short and irritated with my partner.. it's almost as tho I was mad at him for not being able to fully understand what I was going thru.. he has not yet experienced the loss of someone so close.. I do recall having these same feelings and I did end up talking with him about it.. it's been 6 months and I still do find myself experiencing these issues with him but they are less intense and I am more reserved with expressing it.. I am aware of it.. and while I know he has empathy for my mom's passing, I feel he doesn't fully 'get it' .. I know I didn't prior to my mom passing.. not sure if this is what you are experiencing with your husband. Hopefully explaining to him where you are coming from and that it's not personal will help him and you a bit... good luck and I hope you find peace in your heart. Hugs Maria

I too think this is a step in your healing.. it's ok if you forgot an anniversary date, it really is ok.. give your permission to feel that it is ok.. your dad KNOWS how much you miss him and have been honoring him.. my siblings and I have forgotten dates here and there with my mom as well... you will never forget your father.. and maybe it's ok to focus on your time together vs. anniversary dates of when he passed.. remember the times you spent together those are happier moments anyways

You know my mom was an alcoholic.. and at times thru the years, she treated her family and herself poorly.. but I can separate the woman who was my mother, who I love and loved so dearly.. the woman who gave me life and did the best she could.. but I didn't love the woman who has an addict and that's ok.. just like your dad, I know my mom didn't want to be this person.. she didn't wake up and say, hey, I want to hurt myself and my family' ..we all have something we are working towards in life as far as our internal healings.. it's ok that maybe your dad some things that weren't so great.. you are honoring the man who was your dad and gave you life.. it's ok to know that maybe he had issues he was struggling with.. because he is human.. so it's ok to know that you loved him as your father and it's also very ok to know that he wasn't perfect.. like none of us are Please take care over the holidays.. I will be thinking of you

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your dad.. I lost my mom on June 27. Being a middle child, a lot of the responsibility landed on my shoulders and I too felt I had to be strong, especially for my dad.. it's a lot of pressure to put on oneself. Remind yourself you are doing the best you can given the situation. The days/weeks/months following my mom's death were some of the worst times of my life. Be sure to take each day one at a time and try to do something nice for yourself each day.. whether it's a walk or closing your eyes for 10 min and breathing.. taking time out for yourself when you are going thru so much is necessary.. also try and reach out to your friends.. I had many friends help me thru the painful weeks following her death. I will say, while the pain may never go away, I am finding hope each day. I feel my mom in my heart and know she is with me every day. Take care and big hugs to you

Shari, I understand you feeling angst towards your brother.. geez, my brother sorta checked out too! He flew home for the funeral and then we didn't hear from him.. it angered me. I finally reached out to him and let him know how I was feeling.. I told him that we liked to hear from him and really needed to .. he seemingly understood but hasn't done much since.. I did my part.. I told him how he felt.. the rest is on him. I feel bad that you can't fully lean on your mom.. but I respect that that part of her life was over b/c your parents were divorced... it's still hard tho, especially b/c you really need someone you trust to lean on. I think in life, we have certain expectations and when they are not met.. we are left disappointed.. at least that's how it is for me... I too have those days when I want to scream and tell my mom something that happened.. but more and more I am seeing her around me.. I have been feeling more peaceful about her dying and less about the details that led up to it.. it is a process and is different for everyone. FYI, I just had 2 pumpkin bars sometimes you just gotta give in

I agree with the others.. over the past few years I have seen a counselor on and off about my mom's drinking and how that, in turn affected my life. It can be eye-opening to learn some of the things and a lot of times it helps you feel 'normal' to know what your feeling is common, etc. Like you, my sister has been struggling with whether or not she should see a counselor.. I think for her too, it caused some anxiety.. I think she has that fear of having to be 'real' with herself and take a look in the mirror and face some issues.. but having a safe place to be able to talk about WHATEVER can be so healing.. It may take a few sessions to get comfortable but if you find the right counselor, it can be a good thing Good luck and keep us posted!

Cassie, I am so very sorry for the loss of your mom.. I too lost my mom on June 27 of this year. She was 63.. it's been 4 months and to this day, I miss her dearly.. during the past 4 months I have had moments when I can't eat, I break down and cry or I'm angry.. I think everything you are feeling is so normal, yet so painful.. For a while now I had felt disappointed b/c I didn't feel as tho she was 'with me' ..but lately I see her in most everything.. I think our grief can be so heavy at times that it's hard to climb out from under that.. I hear songs that remind me of her, images, dreams and just an overall sense of her.. and while it makes me happy, I can break down and cry b/c of it too. I think the hardest thing is not being able to pick up the phone and call her.. I am certain this is the same with you.. Take each day as it comes.. something like this changes you forever.. and while you will never forget, you will start to heal. I'm so happy to hear you speak of your mom as your best friend.. she must have felt the same way about you.. what a beautiful gift to have shared between the 2 of you.. Take care of yourself and give yourself permission to grieve. Hugs to you.

I think that is the hardest part for me.. wanting to just pick up the phone and call and chat.. I actually want to tell her how we've been coping with life since she passed like, I really just want to pick up the phone and have a conversation about it!