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Dad Is My Angel

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  • Date of Death
    june 13, 2014
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
  1. Thank you for your support. I have really needed it. Kayc, I had been dealing with an injured shoulder since 1999. It is pretty common for an upper limb amputee to basically wear out their shoulder on their good arm. It wasnt an on the job injury that caused me to have surgery it was because the shoulder got worse over time and then in 2009 the dr felt it was time for surgery. I was out on medical leave for 3mths. Since my surgery my old boss made sure that the stuff I did at work wouldnt put stress on my shoulder. However,in May I was doing some stuff at work that caused some injury to my shoulder. I was out for a couple weeks on workers comp. When I came back I had reduced hours and still got partial workers comp. Then my dad died and I was out another week. Soon after all of that was when my new boss started working with me. He really hasnt taken any of my past medical issues into consideration. Other than to say that my medical conditions is a reason to step down because it is keeping me from getting my stuff done which is completely bull. Just today I worked an eight hour shift actually 7 1/2 hours with my 30 min lunch. I had a task to do and he wanted me to finish it today. About 20 mins into my shift the pharmacy needed help. There was a long line and over 100 prescriptions to fill. My boss should have been back there filling scripts but he ignored their pages. I went back there and spent at least 6 hours helping customers at the pharmacy counter. I probably got work on my stuff for less than an hour. I spend a lot of time helping customers find what they need and what not. I enjoy helping customers in fact if I could do that all day I would. I know my boss will have something to say tomorrow about the lack of productivity when it comes to the task he gave me. It is so frustrating because I am not given the opportunity to suceed. I have been asking for one of my shifts be changed so that I could start going to counseling. My regular doctor tells me every time I see him that I really need to see someone and get help with my depression and anxiety. My boss has yet to change my schedule. My doctor has told me that I wouldnt have any problems with getting SSI disability due to my mental issues. I am really starting to consider it.
  2. Its been 4 months now since my dad passed away. Monday the 13th was a depressing day. I went in to work and my boss pulled me aside to have a talk. I work in a retail pharmacy where I am a assistant manager. My boss has been telling me that he is disappointed in my lack of productivity. Meaning im not getting the tasks that are asigned to me done. I have been trying to get stuff done but many days are spent helping customers in the pharmacy. Our pharmacy is the busiest in the state and we never seem to have enough help in there. My boss took over about a month after losing my dad. I had worked with my previous boss for eight years. My old boss was very understanding and knew I was going through some really tough things. Not to mention that I have a messed up shoulder so I cant do a whole lot of lifting and such. I cant risk ruining my shoulder as I am an upper limb amputee on my other arm. I have doctors notes on my restrictions as I had injured my shoulder at work in May and was out on workers comp. I had shoulder surgery 5 years ago and things are getting bad again. My old boss made sure to assign me stuff that wasn't going to hurt my shoulder. But this new boss said that I have to do the same stuff as everyone else that is in the same position. He is not taking into consideration my doctors note wkth my restrictions let alone reasonable accommodations due to my disability. He feels that I shouldn't be in my position if I cant do everything required. I was promoted to my position shortly after my surgery 5 years ago and I was given tasks that werent going to put any strain on my shoulder. So anyways back to my situation. My boss is now trying to encourage (force) me to step down from my position, take a pay cut, and work as a head of the cosmetics department. As he was talking to me on mondsy I completely broke down. I explained to him that not only was I dealing with grief of my dad but also finding out that he wants to demote me because I am not doing my job. He doesnt care that most of my time has been helping out in the pharmacy and then also trying to bust my ass to try to get my tasks done that are assigned to me. The other 2 people that have are in the same position are able to get their stuff done because I am willing to drop what I am doing to help in the pharmacy. The whole situation is so frustrating to me. I am deeply depressed because of the loss of my dad. And i also feel like I am worthless at work. I just want to crawl in my bed and let the world continue on without me.i am having anxiety attacks before and during work because I am afraid of losing my job. Yesterday I was in a very dark place, I was having horrible anxiety that it was making me physically ill. And I also had caught the same crud my daughter had so I was feeling awful. I called in and told one of the other assistant managers that I wouldnt be in. My boss wasnt coming in until after I was scheduled. Later on my boss called me and was pissed that I didn't call him on his cell to tell me I was sick. He made me feel bad about calling out and once again reminded me that I wasnt being dependable. All of this really makes me want to throw in the towel and quit. I dont know how much more I can take. Please excuse my ramblings I needed to get this out. When I talk to my husband he tells me I should step down and I feel like he is not very supportive. I do think I should maybe stepping down would reduce my stress but I think it is unfair of my boss to force me into steping down because he feels like I am not doing everything on his list each day because I am helping elsewhere. Its not like I am sitting eating bon bons in the office all day. By me stepping down, will also make the person in the position that I would be taking, to also step down and take a cut in pay. How is that fair? He wants her to step down because she cant work more than 32 hrs a week. Once again this was totally fine with the previous boss as he made accommodations for her as well. So I really don't know what to do. Sorry for my ramblings.
  3. I have been lurking for a while until I had the courage to share my story. I am still not ready to see a therapist which I really need to. This is the first step in getting better. I have felt if I don't talk about it it can't be true which I know isnt the case. Anyways on with my story. In a span of less than 3 months I had 3 people in my family die. My cousin and my uncle both dies after long battles with cancer we all were prepared for their deaths. But on Friday June 13th 2014 my world was forever changed. My dad died. It was not expected his health was relatively good however, he had a hernia that he was waiting for his appointment to have it looked at. My dad had turned 82 on June 8th just 5 days before he died. I never got a chance to tell him happy birthday. I called but my mom told me he was busy (typical of her) she knew that I had wanted to talk to him about some other things and it was her way of preventing me from doing so. She told me that she would tell him I called. I tried to call a few other times but either no answer or my mom answered and I got the same excuses. My mom and I didn't have the best of relationships. When my cousin died 3 weeks before my dad died, my dad really wanted to be up here for his Sister. She was going through a lot as her husband was terminally ill and only had a short time with us. My mom convinced my dad not to come up since they had been up in April. So my dad didnt come up. The day my dad died I had gotten a call from my sister. At first I thought she was calling to tell me my uncle had passed. When she said that Dad was gone I didn't believe her. I completely lost it. It was as if someone kicked me in the stomach and ripped my heart out as well. My sister, brother and I all got on the first available flights and were with my mom within 8hrs. We pulled together as a family at least for a few days. I wanted to see my dad before the cremation and my sister tried to talk me out of it. I insisted and I went. Afterwards, I completely lost it sobbing for hours i reached out for support and a hug but was flat out ignored and then told to knock it off that I am not the only one who was grieving. I went home the next day. Last month my siblings and I were at my parents house that they still have in town and we were going through things of my dads that hadnt been moved to their other house. There were several items that I asked if I could have but was told that names were drawn for those items and my brother got them. Other things went to my sister and to other family members. Nothing was set aside for me. Not even a picture. I was really hurt.I completely lost it and had a nervous breakdown to which my brother told me in a nasty text message that I needed to put on my big girl panties and stop throwing a temper tantrum. And that I was crying wolf when I had told him that I didn't see the point of living. I wasnt in a good place. I was devastated, this wasnt about not getting anything of my dad, I was grieving for my dad. And I was being told that I obviously dont care that others were grieving too. I have asked my siblings for pictures of my dad or even digital copies but they are unwilling. I have a feeling that my mom doesn't want any pictures to go to me either. I have given up. I cant handle it anymore. I am so depressed and I miss my dad so much. I was a daddy's girl. Born many years after my siblings. So I kinda grew up an only child and had a strong bond with my dad. My girls also had a strong bond with their Grandpa. He would tell me that he loved all of his grandkids but my girls were extra special to him especially my youngest daughter. I am sorry for writing such a long post. I pray that things will get easier because I still cant get through a day without crying.
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