mare13

Karen I can't even imagine what you are going through with the loss of your husband last year and your preciuos daughter in July. My prayers are with you<3 Marilyn

Thank you for all your insight. I found this sight to be so compassionate. Although it is not my first grandchild. My stepson had our 1st grandson, 2 months after my Noah was born, so I became a Mom and a Grandma at the same time. My stepson had our 2nd grandson, exactly 1 year after my mom passed away of colon cancer, and the he came a month early. I always considered that a blessing because now, the day my mom passed, is a day of celebration. My grandson just turned 3 years old on September 6. One of Jim's biggest concerns before he passed was that he would not remember him.. My father-in-law passed away when Noah was 3 or 4 and he doesn't remember his Grandpa. I am planning to go through all my old videos and make one for each of my step- children so the grandkids can watch it and remember who there Grandpa is. My stepson is getting remarried on November 1 and I am not looking forward to attending that wedding at all without my husband. Although I love my stepson, my two grandsons have 2 different mothers and he is planning on having another one. I have been in the middle of the family drama because I was close to the mothers and just can't handle the drama any longer. Sometimes I feel so depressed but do not want to go on any medication. The next few months are going to be very challenging for me with this wedding and the holiday's, and it is nice to know I can come here to express my feelings and get support.

I lost my husband Jim 5 months ago to lung cancer. He was diagnosed in December 2010 at Stage I and had his lower left lobe removed in Jan 2011 and told us it should have been cured. It reoccured in May of 2012 and after several chemos and radiation lost his battle on April 23rd. He was a Vietnam Veteran and the cancer was connect to Agent Orange. I took an early retirement in Feb of 2013 to care for him. I am 51 and he was 65 and we were married for 16 1/2 years. We have a 12 year old son together and he has a 34 year old son and a 37 year old daughter. from his 1st marriage. I did some traveling in the summer but since school started, I feel like I started the grievance process all over again. My son is the only thing that is getting me through this. I went to grievance counseling and in August , my grievance counselor retired so I haven't talke to anyone since Aug 12th but have an appointment with a new counselor next week. My 37 year old stepdaughter had her Ist child (our ist grandaughter ) in July and my son and I are going to visit her ths weekend in Portland to meet my granddaughter for the 1st time. I am so afraid that all I will be thinking about is how I wish Jim was here to meet Tabitha. I am looking forward to meeting her but am afraid my emotions will take over. Has anyone else experienced something like this?