Maria A M

I can now, I feel, start reading the guidance for pet loss from MartyT, try and put my anger and horror to one side and start to heal. Thank you all Best wishes Angie Marie

Hi everyone, I spoke with the vet. It was dificult. She stands by all that did but she does feels she has let me down in not tieing symptons together in the early stage of his illness, to come up with cholangitis (even though if she had been told of the diagnosis by the University Vet hospital 2.5 months before and it had flagged up for a re-referral should he start to show symptoms). I tried to understand this but I still feel uncomfortable, even though I know there was no intention to misleed or mis guide me. So yeas , she feels she did fail me, but did not fail Roary. She said given that he had multiple problems, she considered these to be significant in the fast progression of his deterioration of his liver, that he would not have been able to survive even if we had started treating him for cholangitis, and the standard sterioids would have compromised his other issues, and may have even hastened his decline - I do understand that she didn't want him to become more ill simply trying treatments for a condition that was unlikely to resolve given the stage it was at. IF ONLY SHE HAD TOLD ME ALL THIS AT THE TIME !!!! She is a good vet, sincere, and has been truly shaken up by this. She realises she has caused me enoromous distress by not communicating the diagnosis to me, (it clearly never clicked though) but asked me to understand she was concerned with the bigger picture, Roarys long -term welfare. While I will have to try and accept some of what she is saying - as a vet with all her experience, who I do now believe was acting in Roarys best interests, i have made it clear that I should have been given all the information - even if it was hopless for him - so I didn't suffer months of anguish and guilt trying to put together a puzzle that was never going to work without this one crucial element missing !!! I am not sure what I do now, but I think I have to choose to draw a line under it sometime soon I am now ready to start grieving/celebrating Roarys life in the manner he deserves and stop punishing myself for something that was out of my control. And most importantly remebering my special Roary, what a good life he had and how his legacy should be one of love and remebering his dignity, sweet gentle nature, and the sort of deep love and trust that maybe only comes along once in a lifetime - he gave that to me and I hope he felt it back. I miss him so much. Angie Marie

Hi Maylissa, Hi all My vet has been in touch and I missed her call to arrange the meeting before I could get back to her he has sent me a very long email in response to my letter - with the caveat I can still go along and see her if the information she has sent is not adequate. She has apologised if she guided me wrongly .... she truly believed what she was doing was in Roarys best interests. Tbh it is a very sincere letter, she seemed shocked and upset at my questions but has gone in to great technical detail about a number of issues - she has corrected me saying I am not remembering things she did and did't say - however I checked my facts with my mum before I sent the questions (she was with at all but one appt)and we were in agreement as to what we were and were not told. I have a very good memory where Roary is concerned particularly as I write the information down after each vet visit and keep all tablet boxes, dates etc. Anyway the facts remain the same in essence - I was not told of a diagnosis of a a condition if left untrated was fatal ...... and a condition that explains all the symptoms he was showing at that - and not until 9 months after Roarys death and in fact she didn't tell me (unforgivable I think) I had to go direct and ask for the correspondence between the University vet hospital and her. She never volunteered the info. So ultimately I wasn't able to make timely informed choices for my boy, and the vet didn't offer treatment in relation to this condition when she could have. Sorry to repeat myself - I will sit down and go through the vets email detail again and then make an appointment to ask the same question - why didn't you treat when you could of, why didn't you tell me????!!!! Hey Maylissa you should be a teacher of an area allied to these concerns, you are very insightful and give excellent considered arguments - don't let that go go waste - we need you Thank everyone for helping me and Roary to get through this Best wishes all Angie M xxx

sorry about the typos all... it would be unusal of I had a doctorate in a subject that doesn't exist !!! It should read 'Psychology' . I get worked up when I write about the whole thing - get angry and make spelling mistakes as I type frantically to express myself, sorry I will have to control my emotions in the meeting or else it will be a shambles and of no help to anyone!! Angie Maria x

Hi Maylissa, I'm still waiting the reply from the vet to my letter and when I will be able to get answers from her, answers that are not the type she has treid to give me in the past, thinking I am a lay person - and I will not understand the technical issues. She doesn't quite realise that I have a PhD in Physhology with Biology, I know how to read journal articles, critique and review information - I haven't just got quak info off the internet, which I get the impression she thinks I have. Anyway nobody needs a PhD to read a diagnosis and know this has not been acted on .... and more so that infomation has been blatantly witheld - for whatever reason ..... the choice was not hers to make !!! An informed decision was my right and responsibilty for Roary - she took that away from me. I suspect justice for me and my Roary won't be in any disciplinary manner dished out to my vet, justice for me , as hard as its going to be will be to know I couldn't have done anything more given the infomation this vet chose to, or too not reveal to me. Justice for my Roary will be that he was loved beyond belief and i never stopped fighting for him..... to this very day ..... and far beyond. He lives on in my heart, and deep in my soul. Thanks for your lovely and great support, you have all been so wonderful, practical, and insightful in this time of enormous stress, Thank you so much for caring about Roary .... Best wishes Angie

Hi KayC Oh that is just terrible - poor George, poor you. Its so awful, they are the professionals - we are at their mercy and so our our loved ones, I think they get complacent, they think of the money, and maybe they experience compassion fatigue - I don't know but there is clearly something a miss when their oath is do no harm !! to leave an animal in pain in unforgivable. I am so sorry for you and George. Its a hard lesson to learn for us all and not one we as owners shoul be carrying guilt for - but such is the human psyche that I will always feel I shoul have done something more .... shouted, ranted, raved, demanded - but I totally trusted her - because that is what we believe to be the right thing to do......what else can we do. I don't believe they are wantantly negligent but I do believe they 'take their eye off the ball' its not just another job , its life and death and they need to be reminded of that frequently - I dont think the are regulated enough !!! I have heard nothing yet in response to my letter - I imagine she is shocked that I have logically put for such a knowledgable and reasoned argument, I hope she feels ashamed and is ready to explain why she let me and my Roary (my little boys name) down so utterly !!! Thanks for thinking of me - it gives me strength , I will have another sleepless night worrying but every moment will be worth it - its a fight I will not give up Best wishes to you Angie Maria

Thank you all.... KayC, MartyT and Maylissa - you've given me strength to do this Tomorrow I am expecting the vets response to my list of concerns - I don't know why I am so scared , I just know its going to be painful all over again I suppose , but it has to be done, no question Yes he was astonishingly beautiful .... and so was his nature, a little gem, he made my life so special I hope I did the same for him. I will go on and fight for the protection and welfare of animals because they can't do it for themselves, never has this been more important than now ! The memories are so precious - I was very lucky. To have shared such pure love with anyone,.... animal or human is life-changing.... soul changing - we all know how lucky and blessed we have been.... Thanks all Angie Maria

Hi KayC & Maylissa, this is me and my special boy. I hope I can get it right for him. Thank you for your hep x

Thank you KayC and Maylissa, once again - good advice I have today formalised my concerns in writing to my vet, looked into the RCVS website about what consitutes negligence malpractice etc and at least feel that I havn't blown this out of all proprtion .... it is right to fight the untouchable. KayC, your story is terrible and I feel so deeply sad for you and your beloved husband - did you manage to get any kind of apology or compensation or was there not enogh to build a case? I hate any kind of injustice....it drives me crazy - but when lives are lost it just disgusts me. Thank you for your support I will be taking along my mum as she loved my special boy too - thank Maylissa for the practical advice about recording the meeting too, nothing to lose. I am still scared but I know I will always regret this if I don't pursue it - no more regrets, i need to know I did everything I could even if she isn't held accoutable. I will carry in reading the link malissa, they are extremely informative, although quite difficult when the emotion is factored in ... I get so angry. Thank you both for taking an interest, your support really helps I will keep you updated Best wishes Angie Maria

Hello Steph.ny Ive read your post above and can tell you dearly loved your baby. I recently posted on here about what I have found out to be a mistake by my vet, thats a whole different story but I was led down the raod to euthanasia by this vet and I am now 9 months down the line confronting the vet with the misleading info she gave me - I am still devastated. However I can totally relate to the things you did and why you feel so angry with yourself. When my vet said there was no hope for my little love, i decided I did not want him to suffer the indignity or the distress of a painful decline, and I would choose to let him go. This was on the Monday and euthanasia was sheduled for next morning. I came back from the vet having made the appointment and wanted to carry on as normal, he was loved, no question of that, I kept him comforted and comfy, tried to help him eat and drink even though he didn't want to anymore.... and then after he had got up for a walk around all be it this was now a struggle, I cuddled him settled him in his bed, watched him fall asleep and went an got into bed myself knowing exactly what the next day was about to bring. I hate myself for this - but in my rational mind I know that I considered staying with him all night - but he was ill, I didn't want him out of routine, or upset if he couldn't come to my room and find me in bed like he used to ... I knew this wouldn't happen, but hoped, I didn't want to make this somekind od weirdo 'special' occassion and ultimately what was I gonna do sit there all night and go through in my mind the many years of happiness and precious moments we had had together ....... while he lay there and the hours ticked away - and my heart was breaking, that would have been excruciating .... could you imagine. My mind protected me from this .... and him too !! That would have been too much - his last night on earth was not a special occassion - his whole life was!!! and there was no singling out this one last night for 'special treament'. Your psychy protects you in these circumstances. In all the things I have read the only thing that has really struck home is that, remember you are in an emotional and stressed state of mind - this is not a normal behaviour what you are about to choose to do, it is a behaviour that is full of conflict- but you know it is your responsibility, so you do it the best way you can. What matters is the years of love, happiness, and devotion you have had with your dog, the love you have shared, no matter how you behaved in her last hours , and what you said or shreiked toward the end of their life doesnt take that away .....you were going through a process, there is no perfect way to do this, you did what you did under enormous stress - it didnt mean you cared any less Please look after yourself - your baby knows how much she was loved by you. Remember the life you had together and be grateful... and thet you let her go because you loved her not because you didn't .... I have come to terms with the battle with myself but now have a different battle on my hands which has only just started - but my devotion to the memory of my beloved Chinchilla cat drives me on - the injustice drives me on , as hearbreaking as it is, I know I never let him down, and nor did you with your girl Be good to yourself Maria xx

Thank you so much Maylissa and KayC for all your kind words support and practical advice. I am in the UK and will follow the RCVS link to see how to proceed. I don't want money - I want only what I can't have and an apology is scant compenasation. I am actually scared to see the vet face to face - I have a letter ready to send her which includes a request for a meeting - but I am terrified how she will react and what state I will get myself in. But I am determined to be strong again for my boy - I owe it to him. I have never known such pain as this and hope that I can come through it. I know we are only human and mistakes are made - but this was just so easy to avoid - standard treatment fot a chronic condition following a concrete diagnosis, how could she not have acted - i am doumbfounded - anyway these are question for her to answer ....... Im so sorry to hear other people go through this and similar experiences all to frequently with their loved ones, as you both have. So for my boy I am going to be strong, his fight may be over but mine has just begun Thank you so much for thinking of me - I will post again following the meeting I have with the vet Best wishes Angie

Hello, First time I have done this. This very dificult to think about let alone write, but Im hoping someone may have some ideas about how i proceed to make this vet accountable. apologies it is fairly long but its the only way I can give a fullish piscture. My cat meant the world to me and I have suffered 9 months of devastation only to find (i believe ) that my vet got it wrong, and the guilt of me having made the final decision based on what she said !!! I totally trusted this vet, got on well with her, and had no reason to doubt her. She works in a busy well respected practice. My beloved cat was euthanised when I was told he had liver failure which could not be treated - he was poorly at that point, so this was the right thing to do I thought at the time, .... fast forward to 9 months of nagging doubt and emense distress..... ......to find that following an operation he had had to remove a cystic growth from his liver 3.5 months before his death - there had been an incidental finding in the histopathology that had been low grade Cholangitis. This is a treatable disease, and can be managed if caught early enough, if left untreated it can result in death. I was never told he had that disease and that the hospital who had done the surgery had asked him to be referred back should had he started to show symptoms. Two months after discharge from the hospital , he started to show illness, poor appetite foot infection that wouldn't clear, and things just were not right - I went back and forth to the vet trying to help him. He was also strangely putting on weight - which ofcourse now I realise was ascites - my vet did blood tests, missed all this !!... she said constipation, megacolon, arthitis....but she never made reference to him having cholingitis - it was as if she hadn't even read the diagnosis. In fact in all the 6 weeks when he was declining there had been no mention of this inflammatory liver disease - WHICH IS TREATABLE..... his ascites wasn't even diagnosed until a week before he was pts - ascites is chatacteristic of this disease, and animals can be treated with steroids with a good response - ofcourse this was unknown to me and aparently the vet. Last month I asked the hospital where he had his surgery if I could see the info they had sent to my vet from his lab reports- I couldn't believe it when I saw the diagnosis - then it all fell into place. Sorry this was meant to be brief I would never have had him pts if I had known this, but at the time my vet said in humans he would need a Liver transplant - ofcourse not possible in cats - so there were no other options avaiable to him!!! I finally decided to have him pts. I am angry I wasn't given the information 3 months earlier, or at all for gods sake!! - how could I make informed decisions about his life. I feel I have been misled as this info was witheld from me, she never made refernce to it or acknoledged that she was aware of it . When your told there is no recovery possible you make the decision to spare your pet a traumatic and distressing end - you can imagine my guilt I will never euthanise an animal again. I have beaten mysef up for months, had anxiety attacks, been ill off work and cry constantly, been eaten up by grief and guilt, and have thought of nothing else. This was a beautiful Chinchilla Persian rescued by myself when his former owners were about to have him pts I am so angry with this vet. I have sent her many emails since his death asking various things to help me come to terms with it and always have had nagging doubts about her replys. Since seeing the letters from the hospital to vet I now I know why ofcourse! I am going to have a meeting with her with my concerns since seeing the letter from the hospital, but just don't know what else I can do I am so disgusted with what she has done, the path she led me down was to end the life of the to the most precious thing in the world to me - this has caused my such terribly distress and he has lost his life. So sorry for the very long post Would anyone have experience of how to proceed or where I could get get professional advice, and where to go from here really Thanks Maria