lizparker

Thank you for all the insights. I appreciate the different ideas and viewpoints. First off, yes my therapist is a well-known grief counselor in our area. She has been my therapist for several years and has been quite helpful. As to my relationship with my friend, she and I had quite a long talk the other day and we were able to discuss our feelings about our friendship. She did tell me that she was feeling overwhelmed by my depression and stress but that she still loved me and she has called me a few times since. I told her that I understood and would give her the space and "spread my sadness" around so she wouldn't get all of it laid on her. I am hoping that our friendship can weather this storm and I believe it will. I have not gone to any grief groups. I have had less than helpful experiences in the past because I am somewhat of an introvert and don't like sharing my feelings too much with strangers. There is a series of grief workshops coming up that I may try. For now I will continue to check out this forum.

My partner, John died in February of this year after only five months with bladder cancer. They diagnosed him in August after he found blood in his urine. They scheduled a surgery to remove the bladder. All reports came back positive that the cancer had not spread. He was put on chemo as a precaution. After about 2 months he was showing significant weight loss. We went back to the doctor and they adjusted the chemo meds. He continued to lose weight and all told in 3 months lost 40-50 pounds. When we went back the final time he had developed a large mass on his abdomen where the incision to remove the bladder was. His prognosis went from hopeful to very little chance of survival. On January 18th I put him into hospice where he died two weeks later. I have suffered from depression for quite some time but it has been under control for many years.. Of course the grief of losing John came. I took an LOA from work to deal with my ongoing depression and anxiety. Over the course of this time, I developed a very strong friendship with a woman from work. She has kept in close contact nearly daily. Lately, she isn't calling every day, and has started to go out on dates. To make a long story short, I've developed severe anxiety that she is going to leave me. I have become so obsessed with this thought that I can't sleep or eat. I have to say that I am seeing a psychologist and doctor, but I just wonder if anyone else has become very attached to someone since the death? The loneliness is exhausting. I left my job because I can no longer function. Thankfully I am able to take some time off to get this all straightened out.