I am so terribly sorry for your loss. I do understand exactly how you feel at this moment. Yesterday my boyfriend accidentally killed his 7 month old cat. That cat was family to me. I was there the day they brought him home. We named him Casper and he was the most perfect cat for us. Just so calm, energetic what he was excited, loving and beautiful.
I got a call last night around 7:45 pm and my boyfriend was hysterical. Casper was an indoor cat, 100% indoor and we were getting ready to get him neutered because he was starting to get really aggressive and play time turned more wild. Well I guess he was being aggressive and knocking things over at my boyfriends apartment, so he decided to pick him up and put him in the bathroom to calm down. This is typical...a little bathroom time and he generally settles down. Well he was very aggressive, sprayed a bit, and when my boyfriend put him in the bathroom and went to shut the door, he shut it too fast and didn't notice that Casper was trying to run out the door at the same time and his head was caught between the door frame and the wall and must have severed an artery. Blood everywhere and my boyfriend was panicked and tried to hold him together to stop the bleeding, but there was nothing he could do and he passed quickly.
I am just so torn up about this not only for this beloved cat who did not deserve to go in such a horrific way, but also for my boyfriend who blames himself and is terrified about what happened. We all loved that cat so much and our hearts ache for his life cut short in such a tragic way. The circumstances are the worst to try to work through. Had he fallen and injured himself it would still be tragic, but this just absolutely grotesque way to die is just horrifying to me and I can't seem to get that out of my head. We were supposed to have many more years with our Casper. I just hope his precious little soul is safe, in one piece and at rest. I hope he knows he was loved!