shalady

Mary, I am so very sorry for your loss of Lois. How comforted and loved she must have felt having her loved ones with her. I am praying for you and your family. Peace and comfort to all of you. Shalady

So glad to hear Hank is doing better. I hope everyone gets some much needed rest. Belated HAPPY BIRTHDAY. I hope all the snow is slowly melting away and it is Spring shining through. Shalady

I too am glad you had a good session with a counselor. It really is so important that you remember that you too are important and need your own care right now. Most especially now as you go through your grieving. It really takes a lot out of you. More than I could have imagined. I am not officially back to work yet, more so because of my back problem right now. Yesterday I worked for about three and a half hours in the morning. I was so exhausted from it I fell asleep for a couple of hours in the afternoon. That never would happen before all this. I took care of Bob and never took naps. It is because I was happy then. I cant seem to find my happy now. I really miss being glad about things. I also understand about the cooking. My Bob loved everything I made. If it was a piece of toast he would think it was the best piece of toast ever. What joy I got from cooking for him. I don't care if I never cook again right now. I do hope that changes. I don't like eating at the table alone. I do it although sometimes I eat on the couch or standing at the counter. The reading is very good. I try to read all the suggested articles here. I have to catch up on some right now. They are all very helpful. I hope you just take one day at a time and remember yourself. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Shalady

Mitch, I am so sorry you are having such a hard time. I cannot add to what has already been said. Everyone has expressed it so true and clear. We all understand just how you feel. We all feel just as you do. We are broken and going through the motions. As they have said our pain will ease with time. Our love will never die. We will have that and our memories forever. Your Tammy sounds like a most special woman. I know how your heart aches. I lost my beloved husband six months ago. I still cry every day. I hurt right down to the core. What you are feeling is because you loved her so very much and she loved you. I do believe they are with us, watching over us, walking by our side. I too have experienced most people think I should be over this by now. The don't have a clue. I have no family but one sister who does not understand my grief. She makes very light of it. She only calls about every two or three months. If I call her it is short, she is too busy. I have some friends but they ignore the subject. I think if I bring it up it must make them uncomfortable because they don't respond and change the subject. I am glad you will see a counselor. They will help you validate and sort our your feelings. I hope it helps. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Shalady

It is amazing how we can be in a room filled with people and feel so all alone. The word itself if a terrible word now... alone.... Shalady

Marty, thank you for the link to the article. I will read it. Shalady

MaryAnn, Happy Birthday. I'm sorry you didn't have a good day. It was nice of your friends to get you flowers. I am glad you are taking your time going through things. There is no rush. A little at a time. How nice you are putting things aside for a quilt. It is all so much to process. I wish it could be easier for you but it can't right now. This is the hardest thing we ever have to go through. On these special days our emotions are all over the place. Sometimes we think we are ok only to have a person's words open the floodgates. Anything can trigger it and it can come from anywhere. As we have learned here it won't always be this difficult. The pain will ease. We just have to take one day at a time for now. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Shalady

I have a hard time going through Bob's things too. There are some that are easier to let go, clothes I know someone can be using. Some things I will probably never give away. Some shirts I loved to see him in will stay, I think someday I can put them on and just get comfort from them. His leather vest which he loved with the veteran and other patches is such a big reminder of him. Then there are some things I haven't even been able to go through. I don't care how long it takes. One day at a time. Then there is everything in our home in New York. I cant even think about that right now. I want to give some special things to some special people as a gift to them for being such a gift to Bob, for returning the love and friendship, the sense of family to him. What a generous heart you have to give the pens for such a special event in nephew's life. I am sure he will be proud when he passes along the fact that Mark crafted them himself, also a special part of Mark sharing the day. If you don't want to part with anything else just don't. You will know when the time is right and it may never happen. There are things I have no intention of giving away. We were married 38 years, a lifetime of sweet memories. I never thought about or ever imagined life without him. It is so overwhelming. I just sit and shake my head sometimes.

Dear Butch, I know how positively devastating this is. Try to listen to those who have been on their journey longer than we have. They tell us it will ease up some. It will take time. They have made it further and so we will too.We can try to be patient and take care of ourselves. I don't know how I make it through some days but I find the strength. I take strength in knowing what a wonderful life I had with my wonderful husband. I wish I could make this easier for you, I really do. You have been through so much and your illness and your fall have all compounded things for you. You have had so many things piled on top of your grief it may have been hidden and now there it is again. Just take one day, one hour at a time. You have strength way down deep that you can go on. Mary is with you, helping you. We are with you, helping you, comforting you, praying for you. ***HUGS*** Shalady

Maryann, if it is any consolation I am at the six month period and I am having just a terrible time. I am crying all the time. I miss Bob so much I can't stand it. I was doing better last month than now. It is just a roller coaster of emotions we are on and will be for some time. I don't listen to people when they talk about moving on. I don't want to associate with those that are not understanding. It makes me feel worse. I would rather be by myself than to be with uncaring people. I have my moods and people have to understand that or I just walk away. I have so much love for my husband and that will always be. I know he loves me too and that is what I hang on to. I don't know what I would do without my loving lab Zach. This morning I was crying and he went and brought me one of his toys. He is so intuitive and aware of my feelings. They really are man's best friend. I do hope you are feeling a little better. Just take one day at a time. Take care of yourself. You are so important and you should treat yourself that way, just as Mark would have. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Shalady

Butch, Kay is right. There is no timetable for this. You are not far into your journey of grief. None of us realize the enormous suffering of grief upon losing our spouse until it happens to us. To say it is life changing is an understatement. None of us know how we will handle it, but we do. Somehow we go on one day at a time. We have to be patient with ourselves and not expect too much. One day at a time my friend. You never have to apologize. I am six months into my journey and I go backwards at times. We have so much love for our spouse and that will never die. I think that is why I go backwards at times. It is okay because it is like I go backwards, and then seem to reset at that point. We are all different yet have so much in common. I too am here for you. I understand. We all do. Don't worry about not being able to come here yet. You shouldn't pressure yourself to do anything right now. Just let your heart tell you what you can do. Keep hugging little man. Take care of yourself, your health. It is ok. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Shalady

I am so sorry for the loss of your dear Tammy. She sounds wonderful in your beautiful tribute. You were truly blessed to have her. Your love for each other shines through your words. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Shalady

I also can relate to health issues while grieving. It does compound an already overwhelming time. Be good to yourself now. I also think Mary would be proud of you for getting through all of your health issues. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Shalady

Kay, it sounds awful. I am so sorry your friends and family forgot, especially that first year. Shalady

I too agree they walk with us and hold us up. Some days we don't know where the strength comes from but it is there. I am glad you feel you are healing. I forgive those who do not understand my grief. It makes me feel better. I know I can come here to where people understand and don't judge me. Instead they embrace me, validate my feelings and comfort me. We are so blessed to have each other. I wish you peace and comfort. Shalady