Gracie

I am so sorry for the situation you are going through. The death of our loved ones and trying to work through it day to day is hard enough. When we had my husbands funeral- we only had it because I knew his family would want the closure even though my husband had always told me that he didn't want people to grieve he wanted them to celebrate his life. I let the family have the funeral however, I think I was still the bad guy in the end because I wouldn't let many family members do a eulogy at the funeral-these eulogies would have only focused on all of the bad things that had happened to him throughout his life, we've heard them so many times before at other family members funerals. My husband left his grandmother's funeral so angry because of the eulogies they prepared. They always dwelled on the bad things never the good thing. I also would not let certain family members on his side of the family be there-my husband had nothing to do with them in his life because of many past situations and I certainly didn't want to deal with them during the loss. There was certainly a lot to deal with at that time. Please take care of yourself, remember what is important to you matters the most! Continue to have pizza nights now and then with your daughter and relax and enjoy them.

Hi Annalou, I am new to this website as well. I lost my husband 14 months ago at the age of 37 and I still miss him terribly. Up until about a year before he died we did almost everything together from the time we met 21 years ago. In the year or so before he died he changed. He was suffering from depression and had become addicted to pain medication due to a shoulder injury. He was not the same man I married. But I always hoped he would get better and our life would go back to what it should be. He used to always tell me that me and our kids were the most important people in his life, we were his life. I struggle so hard with the fact that he is gone and everything we talked, planned and used to do is gone now. The day he died we hadn't really talked to each other for almost a week. We would answer each others questions, but that was about it. I had begun to realize that when he was in one of his "evil" moods it was best to just let him work it out instead of trying to talk to him about it. We had some pretty awful arguments during those times that I tried to talk to him because it always came down to it being "my fault" even though I knew all of it wasn't. I would just accept it so that we could move on. The last thing he said to me that morning when he dropped me and my car off at work was that he needed a lighter (there more that happened in this moment but too much to type about). I gave him his lighter and walked away. That was the last time I saw him alive and my heart breaks that is the last thing he said to me. I do know that he loved me and our kids very much, but his demons became much stronger than any of us thought. However, if there was any day I could take back it would be 09/11/2013. Please stay strong for you and your daughter, my children have been my rock and I know I am theirs (they've even said so ).

Dear JLLSAH, 14 months ago today I lost the love of my life and I still grieve for him everyday. I am so sorry for your loss, but I hope for you and me that we may find some comfort and understanding from people who understand that they are gone and will not be forgotten as time goes on. I wanted to share with you......... At my husband's funeral I had a wonderful woman stick a note in my hand with a whisper in my ear she told me to read it when I was ready. She said that when she lost her son in a car accident the saying that she wrote on her note was a life saver for her whenever anyone said something "stupid" about her son passing. I am not going to write on here what the note said because it has a not so good word in it, but I am going to suggest that maybe finding a special note for yourself that you can keep with you and pull out to give you some comfort that the next time someone says something stupid. Thinking of you and your son. Gracie

Hi AnneW, I am new to this forum. I just began writing in here yesterday. In reading your post and the responses I feel like I may have found the place to go when I need to just speak about how I feel and what I want. Most people in my life now are at the stage where they think I should be moving on in my life like start dating instead of still grieving my husband. When my husband died a huge part of my life went with him, all of our plans and dreams for the future went with him. I spend a lot of time talking to him, yelling him and sometimes think I hear him talk back to me. Seems crazy but I know I felt some comfort during that time. Thank you for your wonderful posts and I will be thinking of you!

Thank you for letting me know that this is okay. I have felt that when I try to talk to other people that in the back of their minds they are just thinking I need to move on. I have even been asked if I have started dating yet! Thank you for the 2nd year article~it is exactly how I have felt in this second year.

My children and I made it through the first of things since my husband died. We got through the holidays, the worst winter we have had in a long time, the loss of one of our pets, graduation and grad party of my oldest, and through the whole first year in general. I feel now that the second year might be tougher than the first year. I think we spent the first year going through everything in a daze (especially the holidays as they were one right after the other after he died). I have mentioned to some people how I think this year might be tougher than last year and they all act like I am making a mountain out of a mole hill. The "you made it through the firsts and that is what matters the most" is what I hear. This makes me want to scream! Is this normal to feel that the second is going to hurt more than the first?