kitkat

Thanks for your thoughts Shell. To answer your questions I do not have anyone else that knew her to talk to. I am going to try to get to the the group grief counseling session tomorrow if only to listen and hopefully feel I am around people who get it. Crossing fingers.... -kitkat

Thank you all for your kindness. I have to add to what I said and give another piece of the puzzle I am in the middle of... First off, I am living in the house my Mom lived in right now, but I belong at home in Washington State. I will be going home in a couple of months. I came here to help her with her illness, knowing it was not likely she would get better. I was not, however, prepared for the nightmare that was to ensue. SHe started to lose her memory and was diagnosed with dementia, But all that is not what I really wanted to say. I want to say that what is so hard for me when it comes to grieving is the family members I am staying with make me uncomfortable with sharing my feelings. My sister is severely mentally ill (psychotic n.o.s.) and my brother is a depressive. He has not dealt with our Moms death. He didn't want to go to her memorial or see her body. Neither of my siblings (both older than I) is able to talk about the real feelings. My brother can sometimes talk about her while joking about old memories, but not grief. I want to talk about my feelings with the only people who know how it was in our house, with our Mom. I can't do it. My brother hides and my sister starts to hyperventilate and have a psychotic episode. All of this makes me feel worse and fear the next time I slink out of my room... The akwardness, the profuse apologies that last hours from my sister and the fact that I want to explode and run away. But I have to pack up my life and go through my Moms stuff and figure out what I will be taking home with me. I feel like I can't breathe and I just need to SCREAM! Thanks for listening -kitkat

I can't describe what I'm feeling, except to say that I'm OVERWHELMED. My Mom died on July 4th and it just hit me like a brick in the face that she's really gone. I've felt it coming for a few days now in retrospect, but I'm just LOST. I sob, I stop, I feel like I need to let it out, but I can't quit stopping myself. I don't know how to take the step and let it out. Kitkat

I just heard this song the other day and thought all of you would respond to it. It's really beautiful, but of course a tearjerker too. You can go to www.napster.com to hear it. There is also a beautiful sight that has the lyrics: www.poofcat.com/whereur.html It's called "To Where You Are" and is by Josh Groban Shell, I played this song at my Mom's Memorial and it is one of the few things that has been helpful form. I am having a hard time, I feel numb a lot and I need things that promt me to feel grief. Thanks for posting it, I think many poeple will relate to it. -Kitkat

Release For hope, for peace To breathe with ease Hold on, hold tight will this last 'til morning light? Love shouts! Shouts! It screams though me You shall have it It will set you free Let go if need be You may set yourself free Be brave, behold the brightest light Into it you go, no need to fight Feelings- overwhelmed with them Fear, escape, a need to cleanse Death's not far now Love always here Let go & fly to heaven Dear I'll hold you close in heart and mind Once body's gone, still entwined Nothing will separate you from me That's our fate I smile with glee...