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Sweetwater

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Everything posted by Sweetwater

  1. I am so sorry for your loss. There is nothing like losing a Mom... when I did, my life turned upside down. My Mother, Mom, best friend, confidante, she who gave me life, gone, in a flash. I know the pain you are feeling and it never goes away, but you learn to live with it. I was by my Mom's side with my sister as she took her last breath. I do believe that when we pass, we have some choices... Let me explain. When Dad passed, I was 25 years old, and he had been ill for 3 years. The last two weeks of his life, we were ALL at the hospital, every day. One day, I chose to leave for about 30 minutes to buy my young brother a pair of tennis shoes for his birthday the next day.... and while I was gone, Dad passed. Why me, why was I the only one not to be there. It took me years to accept this, but now I do belive it had to do with my inner strength and he knew that if I wasn't there, I could hold up the family. Could it be your Mom wanted you not to view her departure? She didn't want you to relive this in your mind, (like I still do)... those last breaths. At least you saw her sleeping and alive. It's just a perspective, I hope somehow it will help you, but I do know how hard it is... all your plans, your future... her future... it must be that she was needed elsewhere, and had to go at that time. Prayers are with you, be strong and love your memories with your Mom... you will have those for the rest of your life.
  2. I am so sorry to hear this.... things like this should not happen. May God bless both your Grandmother and your dear Mom... who died way too young. Right now, you need to take care of yourselves... You dont' share much about yourself, I don't know if you're single, married, have a partner or are alone. This is along to deal with. Losing a Mom is life shattering, but believe me, you can and will get through it, in time. Do you have a church you attend? If so, ask about grief counseling. That saved me.. I met people who were able to understand my losses, and it helped so much. Do you have children ? siblings ? I hope you have family members that you can share your grief with ... my thoughts and prayers are with you ....
  3. You have to know your Mom loved you more than life. So many of us have lost our dearest Mom's and many of us have said things we regret, somethings silly things, sometimes a little worse, but Mom's are Angels, always, and they forgive us, ... we are their children. You have to know she knows you went to see her, that you loved her unconditionally. Your Mom will always look over you as your Guardian Angel... that's for sure... but in the meantime you need to take care of yourself. Find a counseling group, or a grief group. That's what I did. I had located 3 churches in my area that had a grief group and there are people in the same boat as I, all with the same pain, sharing their stories, and comforting one another. Your Dad needs his time too now... that's not uncommon... give him some time, but take care of you. look for a group, and as you gain some comfort and strength, you can help your Dad. If people are upset during the time, it serves no value... be kind to one another, understanding of one another's personal needs, but take care of each other, from close or afar. Be strong. you will come through this but it takes time. Know that your Mom is always with you.
  4. Hello KathrynIrene, I'm so glad you wrote... you found the first step. It took me a while to even find this site and reach out to people and get some kind of communication. The pain is unbearable, and all of us know it. There is nothing quite like losing a mother... nothing. You've literally lost a part of you, and it will take time before you can even make sense of what happened. Without your Mom being ill, and just not waking up is nothing less than a major shock and catastrophe in life. Don't feel you are any different than anyone else, please... realize that what happened is indeed a shock, and it will take time. When I lost my Mom, I think I simply lost it for almost 2 years. I worked, but beyond that I was a zombie. I lost my best friend, my confidante, my world... who else knows us so well, cares so much about us, loves us so unconditionally... ??? It will take time, and your brother, sister and Dad, are also suffering, but everyone shows it in different ways. I don't know how old your siblings are or how old you are or whether you drive or not... BUT, what I did find, which saved my life, was go to Grief Counseling at my church. I was amongst people who understood my pain, my loss, my sudden upside down life... ONLY they understood. Friends felt bad for me, but unless they also lost a parent, they did not understand how I felt. I also read some books, that helped, I researched so much, including this site, Mediums, I spoke to some, and i always felt a connection with my mom... before she passed we would comment about specific things, and I continued to see those specific things after she passed. It will be 3 years in June and now I know she's around me, looking over me, and simply 'there'. The pain never goes away, the loss never goes away, but with time, and the length of time depends on everyone, you learn to live with the loss. I pray that you find some solace, something that you both enjoyed, .... I actually planted a tree in Mom's honor, and at the Butterfly atrium, I paid for a tribute, so there is a printed butterfly hanging from the atrium ceiling... I now see her when I close my eyes and I can smile... the pain is replaced with beautiful memories.. and I treasure them all, each and every day... I made flowers for mom's gravesite.. some for the base of the headstone, the next year, the top of the headstone... I write (still) to her in my private journal... and i have a guest room where she slept, where I have some of her personal belongings, and I go sit there and write in my journal.. and sometimes talk to her. In time you will find peace, and for whatever reason God chose to take her early,... without anyone knowing, no notice.... I have to believe there is a reason... and we'll likely never know, but with each and every day, you'll get stronger. Try and find a grief counseling group, that will help I promise. Write again, anytime, if you need... I'm here to help. Sweet dreams (ask your Mom to come to you in your dreams.... it works -:) ) Sweetwater
  5. Hi Kristy, I lost my Mom 3 years ago, and I don't think we'll ever get over it totally, we'll just likely learn to live without her. I miss my Mom every day, she too was my rock, my lifeline, my support. I lost my best friend, so now, when I need to talk to her, I just do. I've reached a point where I KNOW she's around me... I get 'my' signs, and I'm sure you have yours and you have to know that she's there, and she hears you... I do believe you have your best friend very close by... talk to her, and you shall see the results. The feeling of being lost and alone is natural, I still feel that, but now I feel stronger.. somehow, believing and knowing she's close by. Take time for yourself... it will help and ALWAYS talk to your Mom. Wishing you the best. Sweetwater
  6. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. The pain of losing a Mom is incredible.... Thoughts and prayers go out to you as you mourn and deal with this. Nothing we say right now will help... nothing. Know that you have many people that care about you and who know what yo are feeling. Be strong
  7. I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your Grandma, and your pain. Losing someone is a lifelong loss, and truly, the pain never goes away... but what does happen is you learn to live it, and then eventually love the beautiful memories and find you are able to smile when you think of your loved one. This does not happen overnight, and we all grieve and heal differently. My recommendation is that you seek grief counseling. I found a group at my church and it helped enormously... in fact, I ended up helping others with my thinking and behaviors. You can also see a counsellor... do whatever you need to do to help you through this pain, because it does get better, I promise, but YOU have to do something to drive it. Please also know that Grandma would not want you suffering to this degree,... I don't know how old you are but the mere fact you still had a grandma leads me to believe you are young enough to still have a beautiful life ahead of you. One of my learnings is that my Mom, who I lost, is indeed my angel. I wake up everyday and know she is with me... and you could feel that as well, but you must get through the first phase of the intense pain. Please help yourself... Grandma would want you to. My very best to you.
  8. I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my Mom June 2014, and it was the worst tragedy of my life... the hardest thing I've ever gone through, and there isn't a day that goes by where I don't think of her, or cry, and miss her terribly. I lost my Dad at 26 years ago, and that was so hard too. Never thought I'd be without a dad, now 28 years later, I lost both parents. It hurts so much, still. I do recommend a grief counseling group and I found one at my church. It helps being surrounded by people who actually understand my pain, because they have it as well. We give one another support and help each other with ideas. Counseling will also help, I did that too. A Mom is truly a best friend, and losing her not only is tragic, but a part of you is gone. Who in the world knows you better? no one. So I recommend always speak to her because I believe she DOES hear you. Do you have good friends for support? Like Kayc said, a friend of your Mom's would be good too. I have Mom's friend who lived on the 6th floor, and she and I chat almost daily. I go to church and light candles for her. I even set up a water fountain at my friend door and put a scentcy candle there, scented, and a photo of Mom. I turn on the candle and lights around it filter onto Mom's face in the picture, and I hear the beautiful water cascascading down the fountain. Every morning I turn it on and say 'Goodmorning Mom', and at night I turn it off and say 'Goodnight Mom'. I also have a journal that I leave in Mom's room, and go sit there once in a while and write in it. I write as though I'm talking to her... it helps as well. It's a long road ahead, and one that you will get strength, and by talking to your Mom, she too will give you strength. Your daughter needs you, and needs beautiful memories of your Mom. Sit down and look at pictures together, reminisce, be sure that she always has vivid memories of her grandmother... The more you keep your Mom's memory alive, in your home, the more she will visit you. Be strong, and know that you will one day be better... but it will take time. Try and smile every time you think of her, even through your tears. May she resting peace, and may she give you the strength to carry on her beautiful legacy. Hugs,
  9. I too am so sorry for your loss. I lost my Mom June 2014, and it was the worst tragedy of my life... the hardest thing I've ever gone through, and there isn't a day that goes by where I don't think of her, or cry, and miss her terribly. I lost my Dad at your age, and that was so hard too. Never thought I'd be without a dad, now 28 years later, I lost both parents. It hurts so much, still. I do recommend a grief counseling group and I found one at my church. It helps being surrounded by people who actually understand my pain, because they have it as well. We give one another support and help each other with ideas. Counseling will also help, I did that too. A Mom is truly a best friend, and losing her not only is tragic, but a part of you is gone. Who in the world knows you better? no one. So I recommend always speak to her because I believe she DOES hear you. Do you have good friends for support? Like Kayc said, a friend of your Mom's would be good too. I have Mom's friend who lived on the 6th floor, and she and I chat almost daily. I go to church and light candles for her. I even set up a water fountain at my friend door and put a scentcy candle there, scented, and a photo of Mom. I turn on the candle and lights around it filter onto Mom's face in the picture, and I hear the beautiful water cascascading down the fountain. Every morning I turn it on and say 'Goodmorning Mom', and at night I turn it off and say 'Goodnight Mom'. I also have a journal that I leave in Mom's room, and go sit there once in a while and write in it. I write as though I'm talking to her... it helps as well. It's a long road ahead, and one that you will get strength, and by talking to your Mom, she too will give you strength. Your daughter needs you, and needs beautiful memories of your Mom. Sit down and look at pictures together, reminisce, be sure that she always has vivid memories of her grandmother... The more you keep your Mom's memory alive, in your home, the more she will visit you. Be strong, and know that you will one day be better... but it will take time. Try and smile every time you think of her, even through your tears. May she resting peace, and may she give you the strength to carry on her beautiful legacy. Hugs,
  10. I'm exactly where you are... 1 year ago this month, on June 5th. The piercing pain lives on, the loss lives on, and yet our Mom is our Mom, and there is no one on this earth that we can treasure more in life... I miss my Mom so much as well. I went to her cemetery in Montreal, every day for a week, then I went to Toronto, where I had a tree planted and watched it's growth after a year... I also hung a beautiful glazed metal butterfly in the tree, and then I literally buried my pain, in a private little ceremony, by myself, and asked her for help, and she did help me... I then left Canada, returned to Arizona, and now I do feel better. I can actually look at her picture and not break down. I can talk to her and ask her for help, and not break down... I Pray for her and to her, I miss her so much. Just last week I joined a grief group... it's never too late. I loved being in a room, where everyone had the SAME pain, and understood how I felt.. and it was an amazing array of support, kindness, and understanding. I will continue going, and it will hopefully continue to give me strength I understand your loss, your pain, and your 1 year marking... I'm in the exact same boat... and as I write I'm looking at Mom's picture, with a smile on her face, which helps me put one on mine. Be strong, and know that she is right there with you, always.
  11. Hello Heide, I am so sorry for your loss... my heart aches for you. I year ago, this month, I lost my Mom, and it literally killed me. I read some fabulous books, one i'd like to recommend was: Healing Your Grieving Heart by Alan Wolffelt (I read it twice to not miss anything) & My Gift of Light by Sandy Wiltshire. My pain was insurmountable... I couldn't believe life without my best friend, my Mom, my lifeline... what to do know? I was so lost. I did not have my husband's support, he sort of left me out to hang... thank goodness I have a daughter. Reading the first book helped alot.. it validated my pain and gave me ideas of what I could do. Two weeks ago, I left Arizona for Canada to mark Mom's 1 year anniversary of her passing, and spent 1 week in Montreal and a visited the cemetery every day, then the 2nd week in Toronto, where I was able to visit a Tree I had planted for her & Dad, last year. A beautiful tree, overlooking the water... anyway... my point is that by the time I reached the tree, I sat under it, wrote in my book, talked to them, then went for a walk. On my return from that walk, I thought that this was my time, my opportunity, to release the pain.. ALL my pain... and I gathered a few tiny flowers, a dime I had put in my wallet from 1 year ago that I found (it was in a little tiny zip lock bag), my picture from my business card, and I had my own little ceremony.... I blew out my pain and asked Mom and Dad to take it from me... to help me... then I buried the little plastic envelope beneath the tree. It was amazing, Heide,... I then few back to Arizona, and I feel better. I can now look at Mom's picture without breaking down... I share this, not because it'll be your answer, but to let you now that you too will find a way... you MUST grieve, or you won't over come this.. and don't cheat yourself with time... time is on your side.... allow yourself to feel the pain, to realize that the memories are there and that they will always be there and that Mom lives on and is right there with you. I have messages and signs around me, knowing my Mom is around - it took a while.. but I love it .. I recognize my message and I am proud of her and no longer angry that she's gone, that she had to leave... I don't get it, I don't understand it and I don't like it, but I can't change it. Read the first book and do something special for your Mom, in her honor... something that later on you'l be happy you did. Another think I did, here in Arizona, was that I purchased a 'butterfly' at Butterfly World, as they offered a max of 250 Butterflies to hang from the ceiling to commemorate, in memoriam, someone special. It's a large wooden butterfly hanging from the ceiling, with my Mom's name on it and a saying we shared 'Longer than a Lifetime'... Now, a year later, I feel stronger, and I proudly have honored Mom with the cemetery in Montreal, the Tree in Toronto and my butterfly in Phoenix. My psychologist validated that in life, apart from the loss of what we never never never should speak of or a parent live through, that the most painful loss is that of a Mother. How my own Mom survived the loss of her Mother, as she was an only child, I'll never know, but she did... and today, I must survive the loss of my Mother, and you yours... You will in time, I promise you, but do take the time and honor her with your love, and all her memories, because there is only 1 Mom, and there is nothing in life more precious. ALso, just last week, at my 1 year mark, I joined a grief group at my church. I wish I had done so earlier. It was wonderful to be in a room with others who had a loss and who understand, know and feel the exact same pain as I feel. Please try to join a group if you can. I am so sorry. I attached my tree and butterfly pics for you to see. Big Hugs to you.
  12. I can't begin to imagine the loss of a child... no one should ever live to face this... my thoughts and prayers are with you, and I can only pray and hope that he is your Angel, forever looking over you. I'm dealing with the loss of My Mom, and it's devastating, .. but yours..... there are no words. I hope you find some positive affirmations... I am reading a book that has really helped, "My Gift of Light" by Sandie Wiltshire, (A Bereaved Mother's Loving Pilgrimage from Skeptic to Psychic Medium).. it has helped. Prayers.
  13. I am writing in an effort to get support... someone/people who will understand, and maybe help...... I live in Phoenix, and My life took a massive turn on May 30th, of this year, when I received a call that Mom had a stroke, in Canada, and was in hospital. Not understanding the severity, I immediately got on a plane and upon arriving I learned that Mom had a 'Devastating Intra Cranial Bleed". Leaving out details, my life turned upside down and I had a mere 5 days with Mom, with about 2.5 days only of my believe that she know I was there with her... Mom passed away, with me and my sister by her side at 9am on June 5th, 2014. Today, I live with the biggest hole in my heart, and feel there is no end to it, ... all that said, with this massive Tragedy, I remained in Toronto for 2 months, fully supported by my husband, and taking care of Mom's home, etc... I returned to Phoenix, finally, on August 1st, for my wedding anniversary on August 4th, but to a series of, what I consider additional issues, which have not allowed/permitted me to grieve or heal upon my return; 1- My husband told my daughter (his step daughter) she couldn't come to the airport to pick me up with him as he wanted to come alone... she wanted to bring Mom flowers and balloons to welcome me home... - He said "No', and he picked me up Curb Side... How sad... with a funny look on his face... I felt something was wrong... he was distant, unemotional, simply odd... ( He is on meds, so I do believe that somehow this is part of it... ) 2), two nights later it was our 7th wedding anniversary, which was why I finally returned on August 1st, to be sure I was here for this, and he had no plans made, ... (My daughter called me that morning and told me, realizing my condition and sadness, that I should go out and get him a gift, ((she still didn't know he picked me up curbside))... because he was always so kind, and giving... always beautiful gifts, etc... - to make a long story short I bought him a nice gift, Oakley sun glasses, he got me nothing, for his sad wife, with massive pain and wounded... he pour more salt... - curbside - no dinner plans, no gift - NOT like him. 3) Two nights after that - Day 5 following my return, he told me his feelings changed and then i paraphrased and asked him 'When did you fall out of love with me?" - to which he responded "I don't know"... and everything escalated from this point forward... we are not living totally separate at home, no communication , both now in marriage counseling, he's distant, detached, unemotional... and admitted to our counselor that he "Enjoyed being alone the 2 months I was gone... didn't have to answer to anyone, didn't have to measure up to anyone, ate when he wanted to, saw his kids when he wanted to, that it was totally 'stress' free', and he now knows why his dad lives to 92 years old." - WOW, what a shock and blow... more salt in the wound. All this said, there's been a ton more 'crap' in between, but I've been led up a horrible path, disrespected, and not been able to grieve for my Mom. I'm devastated, mourning, heartbroken, feel alone, (thank goodness for my BFF's who are holding me up right now. My husband thinks now that he's the only one working towards this marriage, - a joke. - I don't know where to turn. I've just joined a Grief Class with a local church, so I can deal with Mom's passing... which is a massive pain and heart ache. I have created a room in my home with some of her things, where I can escape, and I write to her in this room sometimes when I'm there... but with all the distractions affect me and I consider them unfair, and selfish, it's crazy. - Couldn't he have waited ???? I pray that somehow someone gives me the answer... of what to do, where to go... how to deal with this... it's such a horrible situation. In addition, which I didn't mention, 5 days after Mom passed, my dog Pookie, here in PHX, also died, but my husband never told me. He even came for 9 days to Canada to be at the funeral with me and didn't tell me... he told me the week before I came home to PHX when I was at a friends house visiting. I felt like he deferred the situation, my loss and pain, for someone else to care for me instead of him being my rock. Also, a week after 1 returned to PHX, my sister and I, she lives in Canada, had a falling out, never to speak again. So, I lose Mom, My Pookie, my husband, my marriage, and my sister... Now What ??? Any advice. ??? I returned to no soulmate, no partner, no husband, no rock, - an unemotional, distant, man... who I agreed may have had a med issue, so we took him to all the doctors, had him checked and physically he's fine, but emotionally NOT. Docs doubled his meds, then he went crazy... breaking things, screaming insanely... now he's going off everything, and I have no idea where this will go. i wonder will this repeat again in 5 years... what if, God Forbid, I have another tragedy in my life... ??? What then.???? Any thoughts or help would be amazing.... objective input... please...
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