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About ailee

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215 profile views
  • AB3

  1. Beautifully stated, touched apart of my soul that once found happiness with the same ambitions of spring. I still love and miss it all, I just don't want it anymore. Life is still very empty, unfair, and devoid of meaning. I have no desireto be happy. But...it totally warms my heart that you are finding some joy again, such a wonderful tribute to the life you lived with Jane. So Feel the sun and the rain and watch the flowers grow into something beautiful, it's a good thing.
  2. Thank you Kayc and Mittam99 may God give us all the strengh to carry on, if only for the sake of our loved one.
  3. Tomorrow it will be six months since my Bob passed, it is also his birthday. Everything remains the same in the livingroom, except for the equipment that needed to be returned, but all the other stuff remains where it was last placed in anticipation of his return. I'm paralyzed to move anything. I don't have good days, in fact a day is just a time to transition from dayight to darkness with nothing in between. I pretty much live in the past and so not looking to any future. You're not alone my friend.
  4. Butch, I was my Bob's caregiver too for over four years. I'm still not convinced that his ALS DX was correct, nevertheless his illness followed the same destructive path that eventually took his life. I'm still so very mad at doctors, pharmacueticals, home health workers, and all those friends and relatives that so willingly gave unsolicited advice and yet never offered to give of themselves. Sorry for the loss of precious Mary may she live on within you. Ailee
  5. I'm going through the same nightmare BeBrave. My Bob passed away Oct. 20th after a long battle with ALS. I cry all the time and miss him so much, he was my sunshine in life. I have no real words of wisdom to offer you, but maybe when you're feeling so very lost remember that somewhere out there I'm feeling the same way. Ailee
  6. We will, one day at last, be able to join them! Yes, I hope so KayC It's the only thing that keeps me going.... I've watched Dr. Phil back to back on OWN channel most of the day. Ailee
  7. Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. Bob and I came together from less than perfect childhoods; together we were able to build success, security and much happness. He was such a powerful force in my life that I never saw this coming, even his illness didn't stop me from thinking I could make him better. I feel like I'm just waiting around for him to show-up again but then logic takes over and then pain, then panic,then crying. Thanks again. Ailee
  8. So touching, so poignant and so very much what I have just experienced with my husband's illness and passing. I have no more words to offer only a broken heart.
  9. I'm trying to find who made the quote....I remember someone saying it when I was a child at Gramma's funeral and I have never forgotten it. I'm so impressed with the insightful compassionate souls I have found on this site, I'm more convinced than ever that struggle truly builds character and strength. I can very much relate to "half in this world and half in wherever he is" afterall that is how we shared our life on earth too. Bob traveled all over the world, sometimes I went with him, sometimes not but we were always together. Sometimes I pretend he's just off working somewhere.
  10. Thank you everyone for the kind words and encouragement.... Yes, Bob was a special person very personable, smart, movie star-handsome, wonderful father to a daughter and son and my very best friend in the whole world. Ours is a true love story, we met shortly after Bob's return from Vietnam and married five months later. His twinkling vivid blue eyes painted my world and captivated me through our life's journey together. Even now they're somehow giving me strength. When he was ill and couldn't verbally speak, he spoke with his eyes. ALS was a thief that robbed us of every aspect of our life, day by day , moment by moment we were helplessly drowning and yet we still had hope. Where did we find the ability to carry on, to hold on to hope, to think of traveling to our favorite place on earth " Grand Canyon" I.m not sure where that hope came from, I only know that in oder to survive I will need to find again. "YOUR LIVING MADE IT EASIER TO LIVE, YOUR DYING MAKES IT EASIER TO DIE" .
  11. It was Monday October 20th 2014, I can hardly let my thoughts go to that day, right now...I made it through the funeral and for 36 or so days I've been going through the motion of living in a world without him. We were married for 46 years. He was sick for the last four years and I was his main caretaker, at home on a ventilator and mostly unable to do anything for himself BUT together we had hope and now all that is gone. i miss him dearly and still worry that he.s not being taken care of even though he is gone. i miss the man he was before his illness too. I don 't know if I will ever find my way back or even if I want to.
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