My mom died of cancer 36 years ago when I was 12 years old. At the time I couldn't properly grieve because I didn't feel safe. I was left to my own devices (my grandparents, dad and extended family were lost in their own grief and didn't know how to turn their minds to the children my mother left behind) and I was terrified to feel the pain. Also, I felt my grief was a burden or a nuisance to others and thus off putting. So I buried it and dragged it around with me for over thirty years. That delayed grief has sabotaged me for years.
Finally I am at a point where I am ready to truly grieve but I do not know how. Part of me feels like I am still 12 years old and I am shouting at the top of my lungs HOW COULD YOU LEAVE ME? I am so angry. Intellectually, as an adult I know she had no choice but the 12 year old me is so LIVID that she did this to me. This anger in me is so deep, so pervasive. I am hoping that if I finally can grieve, the anger will abate and I will have some peace.
Can anyone help?
