littlebee

I'm sorry for your loss vicente I wish for you to find peace and relief to your pain, I know it is hard, because we loved our companion animals so much, they became part of our souls. for me at first was comforting to see my chiquiniñas pictures, but now since just a few days ago I can't see them because it relieves the pain. Why now that is having a different effect on me? I don't know. Love yourself and forgive yourself, because that is what Guyton want for you, because he love you too. Have you made a memorial or something to honor Guyton ? maybe that can help you to begin healing.

I'm sorry for your loss jess. my heart is with you. thank you for sharing the picture of Axil he's beautiful. And so beautiful memories, thanks for sharing them with us I send a big hug to you.

yes they love unconditionally. it is still hard for me sometimes to express what I'm feeling. I've been feeling like numb, it is difficult to concentrate on the most daily tasks, sometimes I just stop doing what I was doing and I'm just thinking of nothing just feeling the numbness. I don't know if I 'm feeling less sad or more , it's just different. my other babies they help me with their company, their unconditional love. The younger with her playing.

♥ My heart is with you leftover

ljones I'm sorry for your loss. at first it seems that the pain is never going away. I think there is hope, that pain of lossing someone we love so much it's almost unbearable with time it becomes more bearable. I'm still in that process. at first I felt that I didn' want one more dog in my life, I didn't want that hurt again. (but I already have 3 more) and they have help me a lot with their unconditional love. The smallest one with her antics she make me smile. I tought I wasn't going to be able to smile again. If I didn't have them I think I would have gone to the animal shelter to adopt to give love to another furry baby, They are there waiting for someone to love them and they would love back.

Thank you KayC. I have read other post from people that have lost their companion animal and I see that some of them don't came back, I wondered if they're healed. Before losing my chiquiniña, I didn't think on the pain and suffering of the people that lose their CA. Now everytime I pray, They're in my prayers and I pray to God for those little creatures, the ones that are lost, missing, or suffering. I pray to God that He help humans to expand the consciousness, the awareness about these souls that are not so different from us, their differences are only on the outside.

she is so cute Carrie, Chiquiniña sometimes did that and we laugh, but we said to her get off that chair KayC, we didn't find our neighbors dog, they already gave up. They put the picture on their social web pages. I did the same. I went to ask some neighbors who live a little further but nobody saw him. I'm feeling a little better I think. I don't cry a lot. sometimes the pain is like a wave then I cry. I feel tired all the time and my mind is as numb and is difficult to concentrate on anything. and still feel sad. I talk to her everyday, I wish her happiness and peace. I also pray to The Creator for the same to her soul to be in peace in love and happiness, she deserve it because everyday she made us happy.

yesterday in the afternoon one of my neighbors came, she told me their chihuahua dog dissapear a week ago, when she let him out in the morning, he never get far, he always returned to his home. we love that dog he is bonita's boyfriend. so sweet and calm dog, she was telling me how her daughers and husband are so sad, they are been searching without result. my husband and I went to look for but didn't find him.

luckyGirl is beautiful, thank you KayC for sharing the picture. Two days ago my son began to talk sweet to my dogs, He does that every day, but he was excluding chiquiniña's mom, because She is the one that escape whenever she can and the other followed her. My son had resentment towards her and to me, after some days he seems to forgive me. But he was still rejecting bonita, Now Two days ago he began talking sweet to bonita again. I can't describe the emotions I felt, that I feel about it because it was very painful for me and for bonita to see him rejecting her. sometimes bonita is so sad and I hear she sobs when she is in her bed, my other two dogs menina her daughter and maruchita her niece they go and they try to comfort her. How much can she remember? I ask myself If she saw what happen with chiquiniña or she just missing her longing for her like I do. I feel that I don't want to live in here anymore this place is full of memories and it hurts. But at the same time I don't want to go away because of the memories I thin if I lose the memories I will lose her definitely. Yesterday I called my mother and I was on the phone with her for 4 hours, I talked with my dad for 30 minutes. I was feeling so alone and sad it was unbearable. I called a friend, she's beheaving so cruel towards me, she don't' answer the phone. I called other friend and she told me they keep seeing each other, they go to breackfast together, they're being hanging out. I'm thinking they don't want to see my sad face. When I need them the most.

♥ sometimes is hard to write and express what I'm Feeling, but I know you undestand Thank you Carrie and KayC and thank you MartyT for the articles

thank you all for your kindness. she was so sweet, always following me around, they weren't allowed upstairs since some months ago because the littlest one didn't respect the carpet upstairs. Now This is one more of my regrets, because when I was upstairs they couldn't be with me, sometimes she did came upstairs and y send her back, those memories now are so painful, all the time that I lost that I could be with her. the guilt sometimes I came to the forum and I just can't write because the pain is so overwhelming when my husband and my son are home I feel a little better, sad but not overwhelming. yesterday my son went to a friend's house and my husband was with me, since I wake up I felt so beat down so sad, we went to buy groceries, and the whole time I wanted to cry, when we were back home I could not contain more and I cried so hard, my husband hug me. I have tried to reach out my friends but they are always working or busy with their families, The only relatives I got here are my husband and my son, maybe that's why it's been harder. The last year I almost didn't leave home, my dogs are my constant companions. I have tried to do some meditations I found on youtube, I think it help me a little to regain some peace for some moments. I'm thinking to do some exercise. something that help me to feel better. Carrie, that day, I took off the picture of my chiquinina off my desktop because I could not bear to see her picture, I understand you, and you don't have to bring a picture of Ashely. only if you want to, I respect you desicion and you feelings. KayC thank you, yes she has beautiful eyes.

beautiful letter for Benji, so much love, thank you for sharing your memories my heart is with you ♥ pati

thank you carrie, that picture is from days after she was born, when she began to leave the house of her mother out to explore. I will try to put one more recent at the bottom of this post. one more of my regrets is that I just have a few pictures, I wish I had taken more photos of her. Every night before I go to sleep I need to see her and I see her pictures, same every morning. thank you for the hug, I feel the energy you send me and I'm grateful for it. in one of the pictures is with her little sister, they used to play all the time chiquiniña was a very good sister, very patient and loving with menina, the first days after we lost her I saw menina many times looking for her trying to find her, It was very painful. yesterday in the afternoon I have a couple of hours feeling at peace, was seeing pictures of her in the bedroom and my husband came, we were talking about her remembering, then we went to play with the other 3, we sat at the sofa and they jump to sit on our laps. After some minutes my husband fell asleep in there and the 2 older ones with him. the smaller in my lap, I just realized in that moment that although I felt some sadness , I was not feeling this pain in the belly I've felt since I lost my chiquiniña. Later at night It came that pain again. I been praying, Reading the Bible, calling my sisters, my mom. we don't talk about my feelings. Just one of my sisters seems to undestand me although she has not had any animal friend.

Anne, He's beautiful I see why you love him so much. pati

I'm sorry for your loss vicente. I did too lost my little chiquiniña, so sudden, I still grieving and feeling guilty about it. what give me a little peace is that I Love her and she knew she was very loved. sometimes dogs get sick and it is not our fault. He knew he was loved, they know when they are loved My heart is with you in these difficult moments.

thank you KayC for your comforting words. And I'm sorry for your loss. thank you Anne and I'm sorry for your little Benji. thank you Carrie and Im sorry for your Ashely. Thanks for your time and your heart , I send you all a big hug and my heart is with you too

thank you, ladycarrie for your kind words. It has been very difficult for me I could not return to normal, she filled much of my days with joy , my other female dogs fall into sadness occasionally.

thank you Anne for your words. my son is 14 years old. I really wanted to tell him and that we could comfot each other, and for him to participate in the burial, but his reactions when he's confronted with stressfull situations are some times difficult to manage. He has anger issues.

a month ago on december 16th at 5:00 pm, 3 of my chihuahuas ran off from home y manage to hold the littlest while I have a Baby I was babysitting in my arms. I tried to go after them and I did for a couple of minutes, but the baby was heavy and I couldn't run, I have to return home because it was cold and I worried the baby could get sick for the cold. 30 minutes later one of them came back and scratch at the door I opened and I felt relieved for her. I kept looking by the windows in hope to see them. My husband wasn't home, he took the car to the mechanic, when I called him, he could not come home earlier because they were already working in the car. When he came home at 9:00 he went looking for them the two that still missed and didn't find them, he came back at 11:00pm and went to sleep on the sofa. almost at that time the Mother of the baby I was taking care of came to pick her up. I put my jacket and I went to keep searching, it was so dark and cold, I didn't dare to go too far, I wanted to wake up my husband and together we could have gone farther. at 2:00 I went to sleep somehow I was thinking they are going to be fine, because the 5 year old, she's the older has ran off alone other times and she always came back. the next morning I wake up to send my son to school, I didn't tell him they were lost, I didn't wanted to worried him. and when he went on the bus. I went to keep searching less than an hour I was back home empty handed. My husband came at 9:00am, He ask permit in his work for an hour to come home and see if They returned, So we went in the car and ask to some people if they have seen them. no My husband left me home and returned to work, five minutes later he came back, I could see in his face something was wrong, he had a hard time breathing while he told me, he saw my chiquiniña ( spanish for little girl) on the highway 10 or 12 miles away and she was dead, I didn't believe it, I tought maybe he's confused maybe it is other little animal, somehow i was calm I went and took 2 big plastic bags and went with him we have to park the car a little far because there is no place park on that street and the cars really go fast in that area. there is not even a space for walking on the edge. with difficulty we arrived and when she was in front of me. she was my baby, I screamed in pain, I grabbed her with the platic bags and hug her, I don't know how my husband bring us home and ask me if I wanted to bury her, I just moved my head no. I was crying unconsolable, I just wanted to keep holding her in my arms saying "I'm sorry, my baby, I love you, God nooo don't take her away from me, why" I keep repeating that and crying. My husband went back to work, I didn't want to be left alone with that pain, but I could not seem to find the words to tell him. I sat in a chair in the kitchen just holding her in my arms, looking at her little face, I was there for hours until I hear kids coming back from school, I saw at the clock 3:00 pm in an hour more my son would be back, and I didn't want him to know so sudden. I just hold her a little more then I went and put her little body in the backyard, didn't buried yet. Went to wash my face. when my son arrived he saw that there were only two of them and he ask me where are the other two, then I told him they ran off, he was so angry. I could not tell him that we found one dead. (until now he doesn't know) when my husband came from work, We took my chiquiniña's body, and went to a friend and ask her to allow us to bury my bb in her backyad, and there we buried her. then we went to keep searching for the other one, making copies of pictures, putting posters, asking people. we didn't find her, then night came, I went to sleep crying, my husband wake me up at 4:00am, she came back, somehow she find the way back home. my life is not the same, I found this grieving page 2 weeks after that, the first week I was in shocked, I didn't eat for 4 days, almost didn't drink anything, didn't sleep or sleep a couple of hours and this brutal pain wake me up again. I found this forum and I read and knowing that I'm not alone, there is more caring loving people that know how i feel, it's been really helpfull. every day I cry, I feel so sad, I try to be strong for my husband my son and my other 3 furry babies. one the mother is 4 and half years old, the niece of her is almost 4 years, the littlest is 1 year old. my chiquiniña was 3 years old (she was the one I love the most. I don't know why) I love them so deeply, Now I am afraid of losing them too. someone can tell me if some day am I no longer feel this sadness, and a day am I not gonna cry, A day when I'm not gonna feel this pain every time I wake up in the morning, or a night when I came to sleep without feeling this pain hollow void in my inside, or a night when the pain is not going to wake me up. Am i gonna be happy again? I'm sorry for my grammar, my maternal lenguage is spanish.