bradskynoon

Thank you for kindness. Yes my ex knows exactly how I feel about her and appreciated her efforts we had even named our future children , but she says love isn't enough. Shes currently seeing a head doctor and is on antidepressants. As for me. I don't think I'm the type of person that would benefit from counselling I was making good progress before she left me. But thank you again

I'm not really sure why I'm writing on here, I just need an outlet I guess. So to cut a long story short in may 2013 my mother died unexpectedly age 54 she had been diagnosed with cancer only 11 weeks and one day while we were both at home there was a scream of my name i ran in to find her vomiting blood,she couldn't breathe and died in my arms. It was also the first day my father had gone to work in months as he didn't want to leave her alone but, well money doesn't grow on trees eh. My Mother and I were very close and although I was glad that my father didn't have to see her in that horrific moment I have been struggling with that experience ever since. Suffered from severe ptsd and still do to an extent My girlfriend was a rock for both me and my father. We had a long distance relationship and she would do all the travelling visiting us every second weekend. She was so strong through it all. My father was feeling depression for the first time in his life. He would take his grief out on me and I would take mine out on her. After about 6 months things started to become more manageable and we were all moving forward. Then my cat who I loved like a son was killed in a hit and run. It sent me back into a bit of a hole. Again we started to move forward then 14 months after the death of my mother my dad was diagnosed with leukaemia, it was then that I became quite distant with my girlfriend I didn't realise how much I had shut her out. I was just so fully committed to helping my dad get better. 4 months later he passed away age 56. I then spent for the very first time Christmas alone. Sat in the home where not two years previous we were all a happy and healthy family. The isolation and silence was indescribably oppressive. I kept thinking of my girlfriend to keep me going. I had told her to enjoy Christmas with her family and we would spend new year together. I was so excited when I went to pick her up at the train station but instead of receiving the hug kiss and smile I had been expecting it was greeted with an apathetic look. When I quizzed her about being so withdrawn when Id just spent the last two weeks sat alone she burst into tears and told me she had been hiding a depression for about 6 months. Things weren't the same after that. She began ignoring me. And we were having lots of arguments because I felt so abandoned. 6 weeks later she dumped me. I had been with her for 4 years I loved her more than anything in the world. I wanted to marry this girl and we never got a chance to move in together or make a real start to our relationship because of my parents illnesses and subsequent deaths. She has sunk into an all consuming depression and says she just needs time alone. And she doesn't know how long it will take or whether she will ever take me back. I am so lost without her and my parents and my cat I go for days sitting in a chair not moving or eating. Just smoking and staring at the TV. Losing her has hurt me twice as much as losing my father. I have no immediate family. And only a handful of friends who lead very busy lives. I am just so alone and lost and I have lost my link to the past and my hope and future in one blow.