Hello All,
Sadly I lost my 45 year old husband 3 weeks ago. I'm just now getting over the shock and now my heart is so heavy I can barely stand it.
My husband, Mike was supposed to come home from rehab within about 5 weeks. He had two valves replaced in his heart and 2 mini strokes sometime during he stay in the hospital. He had finally gotten better and moved from ICU, to Intermediate part of the hospital to a regular hospital room and then rehab. On 1/30 I got a called that they moved him back to the hospital because he was "confused". Anyhow, his kidneys shut down and toxics were builing up in his body.
Mike was my rock, my best friend and we did everthing together. We were not able to have any kids, so now it's just me and my Mom lives with me. Sadly, I can fall asleep but if I wake up, I have a hard time falling back to sleep because all I do is think of Mike. He was in the hospital for almost 4 months and the doctors did not think he would get better until he finally turned a corner. I was really expecting him to come home. I have not felt any signs from him and despartely want to know he is okay, around me and that somehow I will see him again.
Part of me died that day and I have to admit part of my feels like dying. I feel like my heart is shattered into a million pieces. Every day seems to be a struggle. A struggle to think, to know what to do, I cry every day. He was too young to die, I feel I'm to young to be a window. I wish the design of the world is we both go together. This is the most painful, difficult thing I have ever faced. I hear some say it gets easier, right now I can't see that.
Love to all of you sufferng too.
I'm looking for hope that maybe some of you can share with me.
Valerie