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valmalhill

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Everything posted by valmalhill

  1. Butch, I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm afraid I am feeling what you are feeling. I lost my husband, Mike on January 31st! It has been about 30 days. I feel so terribly alone. We had no children so now it's just me and my Mom lives with me. Mike was just 45 years old. I miss him. It's like part of my heart is with him. It actually feels like it died with him. I'm so sorry you too are experiencing this horrible pain. It is undescrible, isn't it. I just wanted to write to let you know I will be praying for you. I right now, find that I am putting some of Mike's stuff up, and then some stuff I cannot put up...we have to do whatever makes us more comfortable, whatever gives us comfort is what we need to focus on. I just wanted you to know, I care and I'm so sorry.....This is boat I'm sure didn't want to get in. Have a peaceful day. Valerie
  2. Thank you, Kay. It means the world to me that people do care, even people we've never met face to face. Thanks for taking the time to reply to my post. I am grateful that I can share in this journey. You are right, right now, all memories are pretty painful. But, I ran across a picture of Mike on my cell phone with him making a goofy face and it made me smile. Oh, I will miss him until the die I pass myself. I loved him so much. I will look for the small things to enjoy. Right now, just so overwhelmed with grief. I will do my best to take care of myself. The hardest part is waking up and realizing this is not a nightmare.... Love to you, Kay. And thanks for your words of encouragement. Val
  3. Darl, I am so so sorry for your loss. It hurst so bad. I lost my husband who was 45 years old 3 weeks ago. I'm glad you are reaching out for help. We are in the right mind enough to know we need support and we need others who have an idea of how we feel. I too, hate going to our bedroom. We have a King size bed and it is so empty without him in it. People who have not experienced this kind of loss, don't really know sometimes what to say, even saying some very insenstive things. I had a friend of mine tell me just the other day, that I need to start thinking posiitve thoughts or I will not get better. I think people are uncomfortable with death and they can't understand what we are feeling. 7 days is nothing, 3 weeks is nothing, years may be nothing for some of you too. You cannot put a timeline on grief. I hope you get some rest and I pray you are supported by people that you lift you up. I'm going to a support group on Saturday and I have a counselor that I just had an indiviual session with. Part of me knows the only thing that would really make me feel better is if Mike was back. We did absolutely everything together. He was my rock and I wonder how I will go on without him. Please keep writing. This is a safe place to share your sorrow. 43 years is a long time, I'm sure you two loved each other very, very much. I hope is watching over you know. I'm going to pray for peace for you. Love to you. Valerie
  4. Hello All, Sadly I lost my 45 year old husband 3 weeks ago. I'm just now getting over the shock and now my heart is so heavy I can barely stand it. My husband, Mike was supposed to come home from rehab within about 5 weeks. He had two valves replaced in his heart and 2 mini strokes sometime during he stay in the hospital. He had finally gotten better and moved from ICU, to Intermediate part of the hospital to a regular hospital room and then rehab. On 1/30 I got a called that they moved him back to the hospital because he was "confused". Anyhow, his kidneys shut down and toxics were builing up in his body. Mike was my rock, my best friend and we did everthing together. We were not able to have any kids, so now it's just me and my Mom lives with me. Sadly, I can fall asleep but if I wake up, I have a hard time falling back to sleep because all I do is think of Mike. He was in the hospital for almost 4 months and the doctors did not think he would get better until he finally turned a corner. I was really expecting him to come home. I have not felt any signs from him and despartely want to know he is okay, around me and that somehow I will see him again. Part of me died that day and I have to admit part of my feels like dying. I feel like my heart is shattered into a million pieces. Every day seems to be a struggle. A struggle to think, to know what to do, I cry every day. He was too young to die, I feel I'm to young to be a window. I wish the design of the world is we both go together. This is the most painful, difficult thing I have ever faced. I hear some say it gets easier, right now I can't see that. Love to all of you sufferng too. I'm looking for hope that maybe some of you can share with me. Valerie
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