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Grief Healing Discussion Groups

sjg333

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  • Date of Death
    N/a
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    N/a

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  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Leeds
  1. Thank you, I have heard that some people initially don't cry when they lose someone but I'm generally a really sensitive and emotional person anyway so kind of shocked at myself! Also someone on my Facebook posted that their cat had been hit by a car and died last night and I felt such sadness for them.... That I haven't even felt yet for my own grandma! Do you know what I mean? I feel awful!! I thought I would feel SOMETHING but I feel like I did last week when she was still here :/
  2. The title is pretty self explanatory... My grandma was suffering from cancer and was told no treatment would help, for the last month or so she's been in a hospital bed at home (her choice instead of hospice).... For the last week she didn't wake up at all but was still breathing which nobody could understand why she was 'hanging on', anyway, yesterday morning it happened.... I didn't cry, I still haven't, and I feel really guilty! I've never lost anybody before, even when my grandad came over today and was teary ... I didn't cry! I'm guessing it will hit me at the funeral, but I feel like such a terrible granddaughter right now!
  3. Hi, I also suffer from depression and anxieties and my grandma has also been given just a few days too..... I can't offer much advice as we're in the same boat but I just wanted to say I am thinking of you and here for support if wanted. I'm new to this site so don't really know my way around it yet but I'm sure there will be a 'private message' section and you're more than welcome to message me anytime Lots of love to you and your family x
  4. Thank you all for your lovely replies.... It means a lot! It has been a while since I started this thread but at the same time it has flown by too. My grandma was too weak to make the surgery so they didn't even attempt it... She was offered a place in a hospice or care at home and she's chosen to be at home. Literally every day now I'm there, she's so skeletal which is scary, she was always a small lady but now she is unrecognisable and this week we've been told she has just days left with us. My grandma can't speak much now, and today when I went in she couldnt remember who I was, which was scary. She has a hospital bed in the house but can't move from it, and is being fed just soup and ice cream by my grandad and having to sip water through a baby beaker. My grandad is an absolute trooper!! He has family with him daily but he's chosen to be alone at night with her rather than having care nurses there, as he wants to sleep next to his wife and if he chose to have the nurses there at night he would have to sleep in the spare room... But I am worried she will pass during the night and my grandad will panic, although at the same time I think he would also like having that private time to himself... I don't know. Every day he plays the song they've chosen for her funeral, and today he wrote her a letter that he's going to place in her coffin with her, he's asked all his visitors today to read it, I think sharing these things is comforting to him Wheras a lot of people I imagine would rather keep stuff like that private, anyway, it's a lovely letter and I've told him it's beautiful and she will love it. He talks with my grandma about 'when they meet again' and they've planned on going on a lovely long walk together in the afterlife... I think that's because my grandma has been saying for days now she wants to go out, but she physically can't, so he has been telling her they will go for their walk together in the future. Today has been a bad day, grandma has been choking on every sip of water, like I mentioned she didn't know who I was, and she also kept talking about her dog 'dennis' who passed away about 8 years ago now, so it is only a matter of time until she joins him I think.... Thank you again for the support on this site, and sorry to have babbled on, it's really helpful to me to write it all down though instead of keeping all these thoughts to myself!!
  5. I joined this site to release some feelings and tough emotions regarding my grandma but I've just noticed there is a section for pets and wanted to say a few things about my hamster 'Norris' I've had pets my whole life, I love every one of them for all their little quirks and personalities, but Norris was the only hamster I really 'properly' bonded with. I mean I've had hamsters before him that I've loved and looked after well but not had as strong as a connection I guess. Norris was put to sleep about 3 years ago now, I was 18 and woke up to my mum shouting that something was wrong with him. I went to see and he had a big lump on him (that literally appeared overnight) which was oozing yellow puss, his little eyes were tightly closed and he was stumbling around his cage tripping over his feet. My mum said to just leave him to die in his cage but I couldn't just go back to my every day life and leave him suffering and falling over in there so I took it upon myself to take him to the vet. The vet told me he had liver failure and that she could try him on some fluids but it was unlikely they would make any difference and it would be kinder to put him down.... It was soooo hard but I opted to put him down. She asked me if I wanted to hold him and give him a cuddle before she took him away but I was crying and couldn't bring myself to because I was worried my holding and stroking him would cause him pain as he looked sooo tender. She then asked if I wanted to take him home to be buried or leave him there and I REALLY wanted to take him home and give him a little ceremony but I know realistically I couldn't as I have dogs who no doubt would have dug him up at some point! I feel so guilty that I made the choice to have him put down, I feel guilty that I never gave him a cuddle goodbye and I feel guilty I couldn't give him a burial. I cried for about 2 days straight, and everyone kept (and still keeps) telling me 'it was just a hamster' but he wasn't, he was a clever little thing always doing acrobats in his cage and making me laugh and I still miss him now!!! I know it might sound silly, but to me it was a huge thing. Plus I never had such a big responsibility before where I was basically in charge of a living breathing creatures life, I think that also upset me.... It was all down to me. I have 2 gorgeous dogs, 2 cats, 2 guinea pigs, a rabbit, hamster and fish and I love them all huge amounts but since Norris died I find myself worrying almost daily about when the day comes I will lose another. I've had my eldest cat for 14 years now, he's my best buddy and I'm constantly checking he's asleep on the bed or mooching around the garden as I'm so worried about it happening unexpectedly! Sorry for the rant... If anyone even read this haha I just had to get that out!!!
  6. Hi, I don't expect anybody to read or reply to this I just want to get some feelings out I can't anywhere else. My grandma was diagnosed with ovarian cancer only about 2 months ago (If that), she was told her tumor was blocking some of her organs and she would need surgery which would only be a day thing. She went for her day surgery about 2 weeks ago, it was unsuccessful and she was kept in hospital up until now. They have reattempted her surgery 3 more times since, all unsuccessful. Tonight my grandad called crying saying that her tumor has spread even more, is blocking many vital organs so they're attempting emergency surgery on Tuesday, but that they aren't expecting her to make it even until then and if she does it is likely she won't make it through the surgery. I'm not particularly close to my grandma but I love her a lot, she is not my biological grandma as my grandad remarried from my mums, mum but they married when I was still a baby (I'm now 21) and I consider her very much my own grandma. I'm REALLY close to my grandad, he's been a father figure to me my whole life, I see him almost daily, he used to look after me while my mum worked when I was little and I've always gone to watch him and his friends play snooker every week. It's been soooo hard seeing him upset and alone in his house while grandmas been in hospital. I've only ever seen him cry once in my life, we're not the kind of family to talk about feelings and emotions so it's really difficult. My grandma is genuinely the bravest and loveliest lady I've ever known! She's a devout Christian, she's always re-reading the bible, goes to church weekly and always listening to praise music. I'm not religious myself but I'm open to all ideas of religion and afterlife etc. I think knowing she has such a strong 'relationship' with god and her belief is so strong makes things a little easier, if that's what she believes then I believe she will be where she wants to be. But it's still gonna be so so hard! I've been fortunate to never lose anybody before, I don't know how to handle it! My grandma is so lovely, I've never heard her say a bad word about anybody, even when there's been conflicts and fall outs within the family, she's never spoken badly of anybody. She has the loudest and most infectious laugh I've ever heard, my grandad is so deeply in love with her and her him that my heart is breaking for him! I've been spending even more time than usual with him, but I have no idea how to support, comfort and be there for him now we have this terrible news. Everytime I've been to his house I've wanted to burst into tears because it seems so big and lonely without my grandma there but I've just kept repeating in my head 'don't cry don't cry don't cry' and managed to hold it in until I'm alone, but now I just don't know. I know he will cry in front of me and break down and refuse my company and probably stop eating too.... I know it's all coming but I just can't prepare!
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