momoftwo

Just feeling so lost right now. I miss him so much. I just want to curl up in a little ball and cry and cry and cry. It's not fair. I needed him. And he was taken from me. I can't pretend it's OK. Or even going to be OK right now. Honestly if it weren't for my kids... I just I don't know. And my family doesn't seem to understand. He was my everything. If there is a god why would he do this? Take someone so incredible and loved by so many people! Just not right. Everything reminds me of him. And if not for the meds I'd be bawling all the time.

I saw my doctor today and got the number for a grief counselor I go on Tuesday for the initial visit. Will see if that helps. My nights are always the worst when I'm alone. During the day the kids keep me busy. I am just so thank full they are to young to really understand what is going on. They are 1 and 2. I miss him on such a daily basis, just the littlest of things make me think of him and then I lose it. I took a picture of the boys last night and my first thought was I should send this to Keith. Sighs. I just feel so lost.

I met Keith a little over 4 months ago and we got close very quickly. He was one of the most amazing men I had ever known. He was amazing with my boys, taking them in as his own. Monday march 2nd Keith passed away at his home by himself from what they are calling a g I bleed. I knew he had not been feeling well since the Friday night before his passing but he told me it was a stomach bug. I'm just have a very very hard time with his passing as I never got to say goodbye. When I'm by myself I have such a hard time not crying myself into a stupor. I'm tying so hard to be strong for my little ones but it's so hard. I miss him terribly. His family has taken me in as one of their own but none of them know what I'm going through, he was my love, my everything. I just keep thinking about the what its... If I had gone to check on him that night and I know I'm just working myself up with that thinking but I can't help it. I just don't know what to do. I just hurt so bad right now. Knowing he died alone in that house.