I feel very blessed to have been able to share in the journey of my beloved Macy-Grey-hound-Dog; It has been such an honoring to be with her as she grew old, and how we worked together in this partnership of care; a humbling and beautiful journey, indeed. She was a dog that was so full of love and patience. She radiated love; and with her passing (in-home euthansia) on Tuesday (3/17/15), I feel so empty.
I am riddled with incrediable grief; the house is empty/silent, and my full focus of attending to her and being with her is no longer of need. This was never a burden-to care for her in her old age; being with her was the highlight of my day-ranked as most important in my wanting; it was my push in the rush-hour traffic. I miss her as a puppy, when she could romp and play; as a youthful dog with her zest for exploring, and her beautiful old lady self of these recent years. We have shared 15 years of our lives together-connected companions.
This is my first time losing such a long-time friend and too not having any other pets now in the home. It is just me and an empty-feeling house.
I know my grief is raw; my routine not yet broken. I cannot bear to wipe her drool stains off the floor, or the nose marks from the car window. For once in my life, I wish her shedded hair was rolling across my floor. I've place a bone in her bowl, and a nightlight by her bed. I rationally know that she will not be home, yet my heart is so hopeful when I walk in the door, just maybe I will see her on her bed, her wanting her dinner, and that I will get her sling-help her to her feet and walk her outside. This inability to greet her by calling her name, "Macy, Moogy, Belly Boo", or to reach down and pet her, leaves my heart aching, longing for something, (for my best friend), who is no longer here. Such a raw and painful sadness.
