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Grief Healing Discussion Groups

Jami

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  • Posts

    1
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Previous Fields

  • Date of Death
    oct. 4, march 11
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    NA

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Walpole MA
  1. Hi everyone. I'm new to this site and I wanted to share. Just about two years ago my husband of 24 years told me he wanted a divorce. 3 months later I found out it was because he was having an affair with my best friend. They both tried to make me think I was crazy when I started to be suspicious, but then he finally admitted it to me. I was devastated. We had lived in Florida together for the last 14 years, but I moved back home to MA when he left me. My divorce was final last June and he married her in July. She lives in my house, sleeps in my bed, eats in my kitchen. My husband said it started when she started sending him messages on Facebook, telling him I didn't deserve him, making things up about things I never said. She wanted my life, which was good one. She got it. I have taken 4 overdoses and have been in 7 psych hospitals, and I was a literal mess. I finally started to feel like I had a future, and then last July my mother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. She was gone 3 months later, in October. I was still reeling from it all, and then 3 weeks ago my little sister was found dead by her boyfriend when he got home from work. She had a drug problem and finally overdosed. She was 44. I honestly don't know how to go on. My family is torn apart and devastated. Since I have moved 4 times since I got back to MA, and my insurance has changed 3 times, I'm just starting with a new therapist. I just don't know how much faith I have in cognitive behavioral therapy or anything else. I am so depressed I rarely get out of bed or go anywhere. I am terrified that when the phone rings it will be something terrible. My aunt has colon cancer and my good friend is having his leg amputated due to diabetes. He lost his other leg 3 years ago. I am afraid for me, for everyone I love. It's just too much death and loss and I don't feel like there is ground beneath my feet anymore. I have panic and anxiety attacks now that I never had before. Most of my friends don't know what to say to me or how to react, so they stay away. I am alone 90% of the time, alone with my terror, and I barely sleep. I have eaten myself into gaining 40 lbs and I look terrible and feel terrible. I'm a dental hygienist but I barely brush my teeth now. I just don't care. Anyway, I wanted to vent here. Thanks for reading, and if anyone has any good advice as to how to want to live again, I'm definitely listening.
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