Bstiarwalt

Thank you, I am trying to hold onto the good memories, I will never forget.

For my husband Larry Stiarwalt; I still remember our first kiss and our first date. I can still remember how excited you were when I said I would learn to ride a dirt bike. I will never forget the look on your face when after many attempts by you and your brother Daryl, I was finally able to ride that dirt bike, kind of ride it any way. I can still smell the wood smoke from so many of our campfires, on those trips to Missouri with our friends. Who will ever forget me getting my four wheeler stuck in the mud at Columbia and Robin running around looking for a camera. We both laughed till our sides hurt. I still can see the looks on Patrick and Nathan’s faces the first time you took them to Bernadotte and took them for a ride through the timber. Patrick hit his chin on the cross piece of the handlebars, and instead of getting upset, he wanted to go faster. I remember everything about our wedding. We were late getting to the church, you were so nervous you said your vows backward, but it didn't matter. All that mattered is that you loved me and I loved you. Christmas, Thanksgiving all of the holidays were shared with our family and friends. How we ever managed to pull some of them off when the house was full of 30 to 40 people I will never know, but we enjoyed the holidays and all of the work and pleasure they brought. When you were not at work you were always working on something, a bike a car, a household project , it didn't matter as long as you were busy working with your hands you were happy. I am lucky that I have so many things you made for me over the years, I will always treasure them all. You never forgot a birthday, Valentine’s Day, anniversary, or any holiday, I have a box of cards full of memories that I can take out and read whenever I am having a bad day and missing you. Those words you wrote to me mean more to me than any gift I ever received. Those cards have become my most treasured possessions. I remember how scared we were when you got your diagnoses, we were both devastated and did not know what to do or how to deal with all of it. We were lucky, we had a great Oncologist, fantastic nurses, and a support staff of people that were kind and patient. The people we say on a daily and weekly basis became our support system and treasured friends. We knew we could count on them to help us find our way through so many treatments and procedures. I will never forget the way you fought right up to the very end, you didn't want to leave me, and I did not want you to go. Your body was worn out and now one could have fought any harder than you did to stay with me. Telling you it was okay to go was the hardest thing I have ever had to do or will ever have to do. I love you so but I know you are not sick any more, no more pain, no more procedures and no more cancer. I will never forget the thirty-five years we spent together, it was full of good times and bad, but no matter what came our way, we faced it all together. We did everything together, that is what you do when you love someone. I feel lost right now because I don’t know how to do this alone, how to go on and start another chapter of my life without you. I have friends and family around me and I love them all, but they are not you. There will never be another you. So my memories of our life together is what I am clinging to now. I think of you when I get up in the morning, as I go through my day and you are my last thought before I fall asleep at night. I remember everything about you, about us and our life together. I am holding on to the memories and the promise that one day we will be together again. I love you Larry.

Lots of good advice, I would love for my family to read this article. It has only been 5 months and I would be a rich woman if I had a dollar for every time one of them said to me "get over it already."

Thank you all for your caring and understanding, It is nice to be among others who are on the same journey as I am.

My name is Barb and I lost my husband of 28 years on November 13, 2014. My husband was diagnosed with esophageal and colon cancer in February of 2013. It hasn't been a full five months since his passing and I like many others here am having a hard time coping with life without him. We were together for 36 years we lived together for 8 years before we got married. Larry and I did everything together, worked on projects,rode dirt bikes together, watched movies and the same sports, we were always together when he wasn't at work. His illness hit us hard in every way it could, emotionally, financially, and physically. When he died in November I not only lost my husband, and best friend, but our home as well. With the help of some really close friends I managed to hold everything together long enough to get everything moved including myself and now I am faced at the age of 57 of starting my life over. I struggle every day with the grief and sadness of loosing my husband and best friend. I am so tired of people telling me to stop whining and move on, I could just scream. I still cry every day whenever I am reminded of him, a song on the radio, a sporting event on television or just the sight of one of his shirts hanging in the closet. I thought I was the only one who felt this way and then a friend sent me a link to your site. At least I now know I am not alone and it is not crazy or ridiculous to still be mourning his loss.