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Shiloh's Mom

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Everything posted by Shiloh's Mom

  1. I know I am selfish for wanting Shiloh here with me, but most of my grief is in wondering if I did the right thing. Was it her time? Was she ready to go? It is hard to be left behind without her. She was so much a part of my life, every part. She went everywhere I went and it is very lonesome going by myself. I don't even want to camp without her now. We loved to camp together and she was the best camping dog ever. She would sit and watch the squirrels with me and take nice liesurely naps in the tent. She backpacked with me, she was my obedience girl, therapy dog, room mate, everything. I feel like I am being disloyal if I ever want to do those activities again without her. I know your pain in you loss. Time is supposed to help us heal, I am still waiting. Thank you for your reply, Shiloh's Mom
  2. That is exactly like I feel, numb, only half here. I don't feel like eating, all I want to do is sleep. It was two weeks ago today that I had to put my Shiloh down because of bone cancer. It is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life and I close my eyes and I am right there again. The posts have helped me know that I am not "crazy" or abnormal for feeling this way. It is hard, I know it is. We lost our little 6 month old puppy Shi'kis to a liver aneurysm two days after we got Shiloh's diagnosis. I lost two beautiful babies in less than three months. I just keep putting one foot in front of the other, slowly and hope time will heal some of the pain. Carole (Shiloh's Mom)
  3. It is two weeks today. It doesn't seem to get any better. I still look for her everywhere. I thought time would help. Not so far. Thank you for your reply. It helps. I keep waiting for her to send me a sign that she is O.K. I got a sign from her Mother when she crossed over and Shi'kis our little 6 month old puppy that died of a liver aneurysm (two days after we found out about Shiloh's cancer)so it has been a bad couple of months for us. Two dogs in less than 3 months. Sometimes I think I am done. It is just too hard to lose these precious creatures. But then I think of "The Dance". I sure had some awesome times with my beautiful babies. Thanks again, Carole
  4. I had to take that final trip to the vets on Sept 1. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Shiloh was fine on Thursday and on Friday she was in pain. I gave her pain meds but she was still very uncomfortable. I gave her more pills and it wasn't working. I asked her if it was time. She always looked and followed me with her eyes. I couldn't tell. Finally she was yelping whenever she moved and I knew I couldn't hold her here anymore. I told her how sorry I was that she was in such pain. The vet came out to our car after a half hour. I lay with Shiloh and told her how much I loved her, that she was going where there was no pain. That she made my life so much richer. That she would see her precious Mama and I would be with her soon. Afterwards I wanted to tell the vet to do me now. I had a half hour with her before they took her away. I want to camp with her, I want to walk with her, I want one more time in the ring with her. I want her to jump on my bed for her tummy rub then jump down and lay down at her favorite place for the night. I just want to be with her. In the morning before I remember I wonder where Shiloh is. On less food dish, one less head to count, her favorite spot is empty. She was such a sweet, gently girl. I miss her so much. I am making a rock garden in her memory where I can just sit and think of her. I will scatter her ashes at our favorite campground where we camped, just her and I a few times this summer, and part of her ashes will go on our favorite part of our trail where we ran so often. She was on my first sled team and was always my "steady Eddy". She was just a true and honest girl. The house is empty to me now. And my heart feels the same way. Shiloh's Mom
  5. Thank you for your replies. Shiloh is doing good for now, eating great, still playing with her sister Jackie and enjoying life. I have had a "talk" with her and told her to let me know when it is time. I have done a lot of reading on the subject and all the books and articles seem to say that she will let me know when it is time. I am really worried about her sister Jackie. They have been best friends since birth and I am worried I will lose Jackie too when Shiloh's time comes. It hurts so much now and Shiloh is still here with me. I try to be happy in front of Shiloh so she does not have to see my pain but I know she sees through it. Thank you again for the replies, it helps to know that people know what you are going through. Carole and Shiloh
  6. My beloved Shiloh was diagnosed with bone cancer on May 31 this year. I took her to WSU for radiation treatment the first of June. She was given a prognosis of 2 to 6 months. Tomorrow it will be 3 months. She is on homeopathic vitamins and lots of love. I am afraid I won't be able to deal with losing her. I almost completely lost myself when I lost her mother to a vet giving her too much anesthetic for a ACL surgery. I got so far down I had pneumonia with a partially collapsed lung. Shiloh is my everything girl. Five obedience titles, registered therapy dog, backpack, weight puller, camping companion and bed mate. She just turned 9 on May 14. I am afraid I won't know when her time has come and she will suffer because I am selfish and don't want to let her go. I have never written to one of these forums. I read one grief article and it said to start a journal which I have done. I just don't know if I can cope when I finally have to make the decision to let my best friend go over the rainbow bridge. I will miss her so much that it hurts to even think about it. Shiloh's Mom
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