Flaky

I lost my mom the 18th of March and already everyone is back to Norma, excerpt me. I had cared for my mom the last 8 yrs. first in my home, then assisted living, and finally for about 6 weeks in a nursing home. She was admitted to the hospital on March 14 with pneumonia and things went downhill from there. My sister came up from several states away and was here for her passing. The Dr quickly turned my mom over to hospice since she had a DNR on file. My sister was for everything that would increase the quickness of mom's passing. However, I was the one having to make the call. I was constantly having to ok discontinue oxygen, IVs, antibiotics, etc. although I was told with the morphine Mom was unaware of discomfort, I saw her fighting for breath and life. In my mind I know we did what was expected, but in my heart I feel I helped kill my Mom. No one understands. Everyone has gone on as if nothing happened, but something big did happen. When I need to talk, my husband wants to take me out of the house or out to dinner. Hospice will send a grief counselor for a week session. However, it is hard to be quiet otherwise. Am I crazy? Is it stupid to feel guilty? Why do I feel so alone? I saw what you said and I guess I took off on my own problem instead of helping you. I am sorry for that. I am just desperate for someone to hear me!