peterz

We have been so sad this last week but are starting to feel better. We have less and less sadness but still miss Charlie. As a family, we have decided that Charlie would not want us to be this sad and after speaking with so many others who have lost beloved pets, all of them have confirmed how I feel. All have said they were suffering until they brought home a new friend to love. We picked up Charlie's ashes Thursday which was quite emotional. Last night my wife had a dream that Charlie was snuggling with her. She woke happier than normal. In addition to the self closing gate, we are adding a few additional features to our yard. A second fence will be added that will make our yard a little smaller and the gate which leaves our yard will also be self closing but will also have a "baby" gate so even if the big gate is open, there will be additional protection. My son and I start this weekend laying out the new fence, dig post holes next week and should have it up rather quickly. This will leave a large play area that is secure and give us a smaller area to clean. I have learned from speaking with breeders that Charlie's accident is all too common; all have had stories of either their loss or a friends that were so similar. Hearing about this has not made us miss Charlie any less but has helped us feel less alone in our sadness. I want to thank everyone here for the kind words. Our tragic loss has been so painful but your kindness has helped more than I can put to words.

Charlie was a Cavalier King Charles and 15 lbs. I don't know if it is too early or not but both my wife and I separately have been browsing the web looking at Cavalier breeders. We also looked together and we felt a little joy seeing the little pupies and shared memories of our little Charlie. We previously had a large Mastiff who weighted about 185lbs and the size difference is huge. Charlie was large enough to be big dog sized but small enough that he fit perfectly on our laps. He was perfect for playing, running, cuddling and lots of kisses. He loved everyone and everything and had enough love for a whole room. He was also spoiled. We have already decided our next baby will be another Cavalier. We just have to figure out when we are ready. And make sure it is impossible for this type of accident to ever occur again. Double auto closing gates on all points of exit. Also had to chat with my wife because she is having a hard time forgiving our son and his friend. I think she knows they did not leave the gate open on purpose but the hurt of our loss is too great still. She has been able to share the anger with me and has not projected it onto our son which is good.

MaryT, Thank you so much for sharing. My wife and I just finished watching the videos and were both in tears. Today is a little better than yesterday. The grief is still there but the soul crushing feeling of loss is a little better. I want my baby boy back and the knowlege of his loss still hurts so bad. My wife has already spoken with the parents of a few of Charlies friends and they have shared our grief, all have been so kind and helpful.

KayC, Thank you for your kind words. I am sure when this hurts less, my anger will subside. I know my son is greiving too and I have been careful not to blame him and have made sure he can grieve and hopefully not feel the guilt. Some friends have said focus on the good time but when I do, all I feel is emptyness and loss and I miss him and then the tears come agian. I never knew I could feel this bad. It's not as bad as yesterday but still hurts. We all stayed home from school and work today and spent the day visiting local animal shelters. We spent some time chatting with the dogs and I think it helped a little for all of us to get out and do something. We picked up his paw print cast the vet made and my daughters put his birth date and death date on it. When we get his ashes we will hold a memorial and I hope this helps is all move on. Putting his toys away today was way too emotional.

Yesterday, my son and I went into the back yard to do some yard work and my wonderful Charlie came out with us as he usually does when I do work in the back yard. Some time after we started, my oldest daughter came out and asked where Charlie was. As I was tellign her that he was outside with us, I saw the backyard gate was open. All three of us immediatly started running out to find Charlie. Charlie was a fast runner and always wanted to run to the busy street 2 blocks away from home. I had built a secondary gate by the front door just becase of this. The night before, my son had friends over and I had asked that they make sure the not to open the back yard gate. They didn't listen and I forgot to check and now my little friend is gone. I never knew I was this attached to him and the pain I feel is indescribable. I was only seconds behind Charlie as he ran, the neighbor kids all ran out to me to let me know a dog had just run through their yard and out their fence. Seconds before I got to the steet, I heard a horn and knew the worst which was confirmed when I finally could see the street and his litle body lying in the middle. Charlie was still alive when I found him, he was still breathing but not responsive. His eyes were twitching but then they were ok again. He moved his body to lie down better but I could tell from the blood on his little mouth and his lack of response that he was hurt bad. He was still with us as we pulled into the emergency vet but by the time I got him out of the car, he had stopped breathing. The vet attempted CPR but Charlie was gone. I don't know if he could have been saved even if he was still breathing. I understand the stages of loss, but the understanding does not help. I want my Charlie back, I know it won't happen. He was still a baby, not even two years old. I can still hear my daughters screams when she saw me with Charlie, I feel my wifes pain when she heard the vet tell us Charlie was gone. Charlie was the perfect companion. We had such an amazing bond. He is so loved and I miss his love for me. I miss him sitting on my lap, I miss his kisses, I miss his demand for a treat, I miss his playfulness. I just miss him so much. Charlie was at the dog park just an hour before running and playing with his four legged friends, happy and carefree. I am still angry with my son and his friends. I would still have my Charlie if they had not left the gate open. They are all 23 years old and not children anymore. I know this grief will pass with time but right now I have an emptyness in my heart, my eyes are sore from all the tears and I have a deep anger because two young men were reckless with a responsibility. Thank you for having a place for me to share my grief.