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Grief Healing Discussion Groups

phoenixtag

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  • Posts

    11
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Previous Fields

  • Date of Death
    March 25, 2015
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    Hospice of the Valley, Glendale

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Male
  • Location (city, state)
    Phoenix, Azz
  1. xmcll- Everything you wrote here is very normal. And iPraisehim's response is right on the money. All I will add here...and this was for me...I went to one of the Hospice of the Valley events they have right before the holiday season....like early November....and that was one of the most cathartic steps I took....knowing that I wasn't alone in the way I was reacting and feeling. Best to you.
  2. Ninna- What you are feeling is very normal, yet unique to you. Paricipating in this forum, visiting various groups (Hospice of the Valley has them), going to the annual remembrance ceremony at Steele Park....all help. But the journey is yours...there's no plan to follow. Best to you. And it does get better. Terry
  3. Yep Cheryl...it does. It does get better with time....but never goes away completely. You're doing a great thing by reaching out. Best to you.
  4. It's been about a year since I was on this blog, but I continue to get the messages. And every once in awhile, I save one. This is the first time I've answered one of these blogs. My mom died a little over a year ago now. And I too had some of those feelings as I had the power of attorney for medical decisions. Even though we had spoken about and I knew her wishes, it's still that feeling you should have done more, or been there 24 hrs, etc. But with reflection, you'll see that isn't true. In my case (and everyone's is different) I was thinking how I wanted things...not how she would want things. Dying with dignity. You're doing everything I did....blogs, talking, group, Hospice....etc etc... and it's all a journey. It'll never go away your feeling, but you'll learn to understand it. Go to the ceremony that Hospice puts on the weekend before Thanksgiving....that was the real catalyst for my healing and got me through the "first" holidays... And stress brings out the best and the worst in families. All the best Terry
  5. David 123- My mom died last March 24, so the year anniversary is coming up and your post made me reflect on a lot of things. Only a year ago, it was hospitals, rehabs and group homes. From my own experience, the people at Hospice were terrific to get you through the grief process, which is different for each individual. You're not crazy, you're not abnormal and yes....it will get better. My advice to you is to keep using things like this blog to get out of your head. Hospice of the Valley here in Arizona, your local churches, etc might have these groups too. They may even do something online that you attend right from home. And no matter what community you live in, there will be someone else that has gone through the same issues you are right now. Talking helped me. You're doing the healthy thing by writing. Prayers to you David.
  6. Marty- Pat at Hospice of the Valley, gave me your book to read. She's a very nice person. Terry
  7. The meeting with the therapist went well. She's helped me before on other issues. Today was mostly going over all that happened in the last three months. I don't feel cured, but we meet again tomorrow to go over ways to address the stages of grief. I know you can bounce around them, but she thinks I'm in sadness/depression stage. She agrees that it is of course grief, but thinks that there's some trauma in there too with the complications that my dad had for his hip surgeries. He got good news today in the C. diff is gone. So that's great news. Now it's just trying to get back some of his strength to prepare for the other hip. So then why do I still feel as if the anxiety is sitting there in my chest.....and my intestines are still jumbling around. Terry
  8. At first it was upset stomach, then insomnia, then back to stomach, and now no insomnia or stomach, but I can't concentrate or feel right.... each day is different. What's happening.....ugh. I've had anxiety issues in the past. Kind of feels the same. Never really had a panic attack before. Going to see counselor today. It's like a cork on something that's going to blow. Terry
  9. Marty, Anne- Thank you so much for your responses. I was sitting here reading my blog over the phone to my sister in law and then read your two responses with a lot of tears and blubbering. I really like the therapist I have and she mentioned support groups and scheduling time to grieve. But she was out of town this week and things just have kept getting worse. I really like Marty what you said about nature shielding reality of loss until it thinks it's time. Apparently my time has come. Anne - it was a very difficult time for my dad with the c-diff. We're waiting for the results of a culture to see if the anti biotics took care of it. The hips are doing great. Terry
  10. I don't know where to start for this blog. I've read many of the others ones on here. I seems that writing your thoughts is a step in healing. So here goes.... My mom passed away about four weeks ago....seems that time frame is very typical when you get hit in the gut with the anxiety. Everyone was saying...oh, you're so strong, etc. And I believed that. I thought that I made it through both emotionally and physically without a lot of issues. Ha.....then last Friday I had some stomach problems....then Monday some sleeping problems.....and now back to stomach problems with being gassy....can't concentrate, losing interest in things I normally do, and finding it really difficult to write this blog. I suppose I need to add that my father is still alive and is in the process of having hip replacement surgeries. The first one having some complications, that seem to be getting better...and going through it all again in about four weeks...if the surgeon agrees... So, yeah. Major items. But why does it seem that only I'm having emotional problems. My brother and sister seem to be okay.....I should ask them....no? Anyway, my mom's decline has been going on for about three years. Dementia, etc. My dad was essentially the care giver, though I was the only one of their four children that lived in the same town, therefore I went through the entire process he did. About three months ago, right after the Super Bowl here in Phoenix, my mom had a brain seizure and was taken to their local hospital. Going into that room and seeing your mother failing about and saying over and over....what happened? Why am I here? over and over. THen wanting you to hold her hand. It was scary for all of us. Then after giving her anti seizure medication she ended up in ICU where she got pneumonia. Watching her heave for a breath was difficult too. But after about a week in the hospital, they released her into a rehab center, and after about three weeks, my dad and I got her into a lovely group home as my dad decided he could not, and neither could I, give her the care she needed. Then after a week, she fell and started to decline quickly. And again, my Dad and I had to make the decision to take her to the hospital....where we found out she had c-diff in addition to the brain issues....A day later, I had just visited and gone home, when my father calls and says that the surgeon wants a decision on whether to do surgery to take out her colon that was infected and she'd live with a colostomy bag.and for me to drive back over to the hospital Again, another decision we needed to make together....which was not to do that and continue with the heavy duty anti biotics. Finally, my brother arrived and we together decided to send my mom to Hospice. She stayed over night and the rest of the family began to arrive for a vigil. I wanted to go home and rest, so I did, and had just laid down in bed, when my sister called and said I should come back over right away. I got there and as I entered the room, she breathed her last breath. The funeral happened just a few days later and we had to make all those decisions about what she should wear and who should be a pall bearer and who should write a eulogy. And then everyone left. I went back to work....and went through my dad's surgery and complications (he caught c-diff as well).... So here I am a month later and am anxiety ridden, depressed and feeing physically ill. I know that this is completely rambling. Just like my mind is right now. Is this normal? I know that time heals all wounds.....but it's what you do with the time that counts.... I've set up appts with counselors, support groups, etc..... Am I doing the right things? Is anyone out there that can relate?
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