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Athos

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About Athos

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    Advanced Member

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  • Date of Death
    NA
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
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  • Your gender
    Male
  • Location (city, state)
    Chicago Il.

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  1. Is it normal or typical to miss and obsess about your cats 4-5 years after passing? This has been bothering me a long time. I posted here about that . I still feel some guilt about my 12 year old guy who got very sick suddenly and I feel I could have done more tests but the vet (who I would not recommend) and his associate said it was useless and thought it was his time. Since then I regret ever seeing them. Now every time I go shopping at the grocery market, I see the clinic across the street and that annoys me. I even park my car so I don't look at it. I have saved all the medical reports online and paper and his bowl and stuff from my other dear cat too who I had for 18 years. I have another cat now with a very different personality, and of course he has no clue of his predecessors. Went to a grief healing group once--useless. The leader said, whatever I did, it was out of love. I suppose I could go the cemetery?? These are my only "children" I will ever have, sadly. Thank you for helping.
  2. After my mother passed over a year ago, and after settling the estate except for some legal details, I decided to do what I had always wanted and that is to move to another state a 1000 miles away. My mother told me "you can go when I die". I was working then and needed the money anyway. Now that I am retired and do not need to work (am over 65) I am free to move. I have almost no family left. But I know NO one anywhere to connect with. After checking the rental prices on apartments (since I cannot afford to own) I find that for the space that I need, I can barely afford these apartments at my destination. Or not afford them if I stay there after 11+++ years. I would not move again--too much trouble and I have low energy these days because of a health condition. An odd dilemma. For a very long time I had my heart set on a dry climate and beautiful scenery (instead of boring prairie) and now I see this is only affordable for some years not for the rest of my life--however long it is? I researched this extensively online with countless phone calls and looking at over 20 apartments in all metro areas especially suburbs which I prefer. I have not moved in over 20 years and didn't realize the price increases were way over 1000. a month for 1-2 bedrooms. I have an excellent deal where I live but it is too small, I am sick of this area totally and really want to move. My mother was the last major reason for staying (Good that I did stay considering her sicknesses and the estate work!) I will feel better moving and starting over but am afraid of the drastic move to where I will be worried about finances...unexpected hardships. Basically, I will be using over 42% of my "income" and savings to manage this per year.. Maybe I am worrying for nothing or being pessimistic. I doubt anyone would hire me at my age at a good job. I get anxiety thinking about it. No one gives me advice. Your thoughts??
  3. I am also the executor of my mother's estate and have 2 sisters. One who lives near me gives me advice when I ask for it but rarely calls and did little to clear out the condo and nothing with the finances. Her son did nothing at all. She can barely handle her own affairs if at all. My other sister lives in another state and I am not speaking much to her.She can be very angry and nasty or very nice depending on her mood. I did all the work and they get equal shares for doing nothing. Besides that I have a semi-competent rude and annoying lawyer who does not like me nor I him. It was an enormous amount of work and it is practically done now, except I am waiting to get compensated for my work. My sisters have not formally agreed. Maybe they won't. Stupidly my case went to probate because my dumb lawyer made a mistake. I hope you do not have to do this. Every state is different. Basically I feel very alone like you. I have 1 friend who hears this story and my grief. No one else cares or knows. My sisters have no curiosity about this. I am holding on to the condo sales money until it is finally over. (This gives them an incentive to cooperate if needed and provide compensation.) I am tired of being alone. I miss her a lot. I knew I would. She was very needy (and needling) in the last year--and very judgmental. But she left a hole in my life or as if a wall has been erected. Depressed with much anxiety day to day. Live music helps.
  4. I think I know how you feel but everyone's reaction and grief is different. Your recovery will be gradual. Stay indoors if you feel like it. That's what I did because I did or could not have any fun. Of course, we cannot know anything about your mother, but this is what I do: it may sound cold, but I think of the many arguments and difficult aspects of her personality over the years, and then I feel a sense of relief that it is all over. No more unpleasant arguments, bad dreams, and strong family tensions and hostilities....vanished and only a lingering love remains.
  5. Don't you think that some of these experiences are wishful thinking? You want to be in contact so much, that you believe the afterlife stories are true?
  6. When my first cat passed in 1996, it took a very long time, even after I got a new cat....I went to the cemetery twice a year for about 15 years to place my artificial flowers. Now with more cats gone, I cannot bring myself to go.
  7. This might sound harsh, but I think of some of the nasty comments my mother said to me, arguments and unpleasantness over the years. I still miss her but I feel better after I remember some of the most negative or annoying times. It works for me.
  8. Thanks Maylissa. I bought a laser toy, overpriced and no fun) and a feather on a pole that he likes to tickle. (May also be used to tickle and flirt with people) My vet suggested some ideas. I missed the webinar. I appreciate the support and help on this forum. In the words of J.F. Katt," ask not what your cat can do for you, but what you can do for your cat!" What do you think of the name Maury?
  9. If I knew that my cat would never be returned, I would not have taken him in the first place. I found him in a no kill shelter living in a closet, not hanging with other cats because he did not like their company, I was told. My vet told me to play with him more, but he loses interest after 5 minutes. I would have adopted a black cat like I had before. Would changing his name matter? I'm not sure he knows his name. He is 2-3 according to the vet, so I hear. They check his teeth. Well, at least he does not scratch up anything or knock things over like previous cats. It seems that he doesn't get much out of life, sleeping so much. I'm not worrying about him at all.
  10. Athos

    Forever Bella

    I feel for you and understand your grief. My 2 cat children LOML are gone and I think about them every day and call their names. Even other cat owners often do not get it. Cannot grasp it. So too, many therapists. You will persevere!
  11. I don't think you are immature (but I dont know your age). I think it is normal and it happens more than you think. You could still talk to him if that is possible without sounding romantic at all. You'd have to have an excuse or good reason to call or email him. Chit chat.. Of course, he may not respond, so consider that. I have a bad habit of falling for women who are married or taken. Maybe because if they turn me down (which they always do) then I assume it is because they were unavailable anyway. It doesn't make me feel any better! Anyway, how can you know he would be perfect for you if you barely know him??
  12. I sort of know how you feel. I have been turned down many times. I call it the bad check syndrome because you might feel like a bad check. I have had an unrequited love for a woman I worked with for avery long time, though we only talked in her office. She is married, happily, I think--, so I had no chance and I knew it. I really thought she was perfect for me but obviously I was not for her. It is painful, especially if you anger her or him as I did. Other people may not understand your feelings, and do not expect themto. Try to imagine this guy's faults and how you might not get along even if you were a couple. How do you know you would be happy? Maybe you don't share the same actual interests and plans. Sex interests? Who knows? If he does not find you atrractive enough, you are better off without him. Maybe he has a bad temper, is not ambitious, or plays around? Maybe he would have never shared your passion. Maybe he is not interested in children or in treating women like ladies. Many maybes and ifs. You assume that he would be ideal but that is wishful thinking, believe me. Much love is wishful thinking. You don't have to look for love--love finds you!! I found that true.
  13. I have been living a long time alone all my life
  14. Ever since my mother passed (she was very old) last year, I have thought that I am next (am in my late 60's) and in fairly good health. I wonder if this is normal, to realize that I could go at any time. I have no logical reason to think this. Have you felt the same way? I dwell on this more than I should. Men do not live as long as women, usually, according to stats. This whole attitude depresses me.
  15. Thanks for your thoughtful comment. Other than going to a vet, how can I tell the cat's age?
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