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scba

Contributor
  • Content count

    953
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About scba

  • Rank
    Ana

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Spain

Previous Fields

  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    my boyfriend
  • Date of Death
    2014
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    NA

Recent Profile Visitors

3,029 profile views
  1. From Megan Devine`s facebook board. Don´t own this. I suggest her book
  2. Not sure if I read and understood well but I`m gonna risk an embarrasment. I`m very happy for you both.
  3. I hope it is not just me, but have any of you felt that because of death and this type of grief we carry, you became a worse person? I do. I have not became a better person because of this tragedy. How could I be without my soulmate in my everyday life? Legacy and memories are not enough to me. They should but it is not happening. I give an example: a friend of mine has just told me sje is very much in love with her new boyfriend. I congratulated them and felt so angry cause Iwas in love, I was a loving grilfriend and one day I was not anymore and now it doesnt matter if I am in love, on the contrary, perhaps is no good at all. I felt it has only been me who has been touched by the flames. I know feelings are feelings, but living two lives, one for the outside and one that you feel inside that is quite the opposite of what you are showing. My brother told me: you cannot afford to lose the few friends that stayed by your side because they have the life you wished for yourself. So, I am playing the part of the good friend. I have been told "there are many divorced men you could meet" I HATE ALL OF THIS.
  4. Oh cookie. I'm very sorry. There are no words that could confort you. What could we do for you? We are here to support you
  5. Mitch, I have had some similar dreams, with us being in a room too (hardly never in the outside). In these dreams I felt complete and felt what It was when we were together, the same sensations. These sensations, if they come from my mind or from my spirit, I don't care. They are still in me. They are still alive. They have not been touched by death. Not easy though. My solely confort after these dreams is that, in an afterlife together, I will feel those feelings again, with him, and for eternity. Peace
  6. Thank you ladies for your kind words and thank you Marty for your suggestions. I do some of the activities listed, but their effect on me lasts for too short. I do them just because they are supposed to help, My life feels like a call for duty. I must do what I am supposed to do. And have some hope. I read this and it feels horrible. I became a widow at 35. I met my love at 29. In your 20s you dont reflect about reason for living. I never did on a deep level. I cannot look for that answer in the past. I am not that eager and interested about my future anymore. My counselor has been working about this question but I see nothing. Just fog. My reason for living is a moral one, my parents are still alive. my MIL told me "we cannot loose another son, not you too". I hope to find a reason before my parents and my inlaws die.
  7. Today I feel sad, heartbroken and lost. Today I am numbed about all that surrounds me. I am like a robot and acting as such. Today I care about nothing and no.one, I have been doing what it is has to be done: get up, have breakfast, wash teeth, groceries, lunch, dishes.... Last night I felt the pain reaching to the core of my spirit. I told God I could not do more. I took a pill to fall asleep, something I dont do. It didn't work. I feel my body is collapsing and my boat is sinking again. I don't know what I have done wrong. It is year n. 4 on this hell. I guess I will never heal. I have lost hope of it. My boyfriend was my soul's life. I knew it for the time we spent together. I knew it when he was taken away from me, I knew it fully later in this grief journey. And now I must carry on without him. I don't fully understand it and why. I feel cursed because I have had a soulmate. I feel he is not here with me. I needed to get this out. Thanks for reading.
  8. Dear Marg, "Political scientists study the origin, development, and operation of political systems. They research political ideas and analyze governments, policies, political trends, and related issues. They typically conduct research in these sub-areas: national politics, comparative politics, international relations, or political theory...They collect and analyze data from sources, such as public opinion surveys and election results, develop theories using sources like historical documents, test theories using statistical methods, evaluate the effects of policies and laws, forecast political trends, and present research". I´m not a politician nor I work for them. I conduct research and my field is International Relations. I´m not sure if I like my job after all, If I still like politics. I have to keep up with the news because of my job. Because of my grief and "the veil that has been raised up" I feel more and more disgusted by human behavior. I have loss lots of hope in the future, in the fact that politics can drive a positive change in society. It happened, but it is not nowadays. My opinion on the subject.
  9. I'm a Political Scientist. I understand
  10. OMG Cookie! I can`t believe you have been targeted with that speech. Freedom? Of what exactly? Perhaps they ment to themselves and their partners. How horrible and unfair, in any way, to express that about another human being.
  11. We are here with you Mitch.
  12. I'm sorry Janka for what happened. Specially coming from a friend who you trust. Perhaps he ment that with him you would not suffer for your loss anymore. In any case, albeit his maybe good intentions, he doesnt know what he is talking about. This is not a break up or a replacement issue.
  13. Because they think that, in time, they will become just a memory. We have moved on rebuilding a life, closing a chapter and leaving them in the past, as we did with high school, old jobs and etc. We conquered the pain, learned the good lesson, time healed our wounds. We remember and miss them but they are no longer part of our real life. They are Just Past. Tragic story yes, but left behind. We can forget them and enjoy our new single life. OMG
  14. OMG OMG. WHAT????? Can't believe it!!!
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